I had full intentions of writing a review of Resident Evil 5 for this week's post. However, I was unable to finish the game in time and am unable to review it. I am prepared to review something else, inspired by the fact that I own RE5 on PS3.
I knew this guy in junior high named Ronald. Ronald was bizarre. Let me be clear, I am weird, and there is nothing wrong with that. Ronald was bizarre, meaning that he was beyond weird to the point where there was something wrong with him. Ronald owned a donkey. This is not why Ronald was weird, it was just his pet.
Ronald lived down the street from an elementary school. Every time a ball rolled down the street and settled in his yard, rather than giving it back, Ronald gave the ball to his donkey to play with. Over the years, Ronald's donkey collected a number of balls. Baseballs, basketballs, footballs, four square balls, all sorts of balls for all sorts of activities.
Like most bizarre people, Ronald had a bizarre friend, named Nancy. What made Nancy bizarre? She liked to suck on things, lots of things. Her fingers, pencils, remote controls, dry wall, all sorts of things. One of the things Nancy liked to suck on was Ronald's donkey's toy balls. It could be very easily said that Nancy liked to suck donkey balls.
Apparently PSN also likes to suck donkey balls. What does PSN do well? Nothing!
Auto Sign In: Doesn't work
Friends List: Unimaginative and boring
Playstation Store: Redertainment.com has a better, easy to navigate interface, and I paid shit for it!
Downloading things: If I didn't have to babysit the thing as it downloads, I might download more, but NO! I either have to sit and watch it or trigger it to download, have it remain on, and hope nothing breaks. I have a fucking job, I don't need to be worrying about my console while I'm listening to people bitch about how theirs broke!
Home: Home can be described as most resembling the intake valve of an industrial size air compressor. You can't blame it for doing what it does. It sucks, and seems fucking designed to do only that!
Now I know what you're going to say. "But Hunter, PSN is free, you have to pay $50 a year for Live." True, and I pay for Live. In fact, I willingly for for Live as I see it as a good use of my money. I would never willingly pay for the shit that is PSN. If I wanted to pay for shit, I've got an uncle who's a horse farmer who could get me high quality shit for a cheap fucking price! Why would I give my fucking money for low quality shit?
PSN: F
The Red Interview- Timothy Geithner
Hello, this is The Red Interview and I am your host Hunter Red.
(Applause begins)
Stop it!
(Applause stops)
My guest tonight is Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner. Mr. Geithner, welcome.
G- Let me just say thank you for having me.
R- Thank you for being here. We're here today to discuss the current economic crisis and it's effect on the video game industry. Mr. Geithner-
G- Let me just say yes.
R- A number of different video game companies have hit hard times. Among these are the prominent sale and later bankruptcy of Midway. To date, none of these companies have even been rumored to receive any substantive assistance from the federal government. Do you expect these companies to have a bright future, and if so, how?
G- Let me just say that with the moves the Treasury has made in recent weeks, we expect many companies to have a substantive increase in profits, and video game companies are among them. Let me just say that the video game industry has been driven by consumer spending, and as consumers take home income increases, the amount they can spend on many things, including video games, will increase.
R- But the consumer may not necessarily spend that increased take home salary. One of the driving forces in this economic downturn was an excess of credit and a lack of savings. What's to stop consumers from retracting their non-budgeted salary from the marketplace, and instead put it away for the next rainy day?
G- Let me just say-
R- (Hunter motions off camera) No, no, no, stop, stop tape. Mister Geithner, I saw your interview on Face The Nation on Sunday, April 5th-
G- Let me just say I'm glad to hear that. Let me just say for a person your age to be-
R- There! Right there! That is why I stopped tape. Throughout your interview on Face The Nation, and in the early part of this interview, you kept on repeating the phrase "Let me just say."
G- Let me just say what is wrong with that?
R- It's a vocal crutch. People use vocal crutches like "You Know" and "Like" when they are unsre as to what they are saying.
G- Let me just say that I have full confidence in what I am saying.
R- Then why don't you stop saying "Let me just say"?
G- Let me just say that I don't feel particularity motivated to.
Hunter reaches under the table and pulls out a gun which he places on the table.
G- Let me just say what is that?
R- It's a pellet gun. It hurts like hell but does no real damage. Mr. Geithner, if you say "Let me just say" one more time, I am going to shoot you in the face with a pellet gun.
Mr. Geithner dramatically looks at the gun, then Hunter, then the gun, then Hunter, then a baby seal, then the gun.
G- Let me just say-
Hunter shoots Mr. Geithner in the face with a pellet gun.
G- Let me just say ow! Let me just say ow! Let me just say you mother fucking son of a bitch!
R- Hey tax cheat!
Hunter trains the pellet gun on Mr. Geithner.
R- Is this proper motivation for you to not say "Let me just say"?
Mr. Geithner again dramatically looks at Hunter. He looks at him for a long time, then says-
G- Let me just say yes.
Hunter shoots Mr. Geithner in the face with a pellet gun, again.
G- Let me just say ow!
R- Yeah! You didn't think I'd do it again, did ya!
G- Let me just say fuck this! Let me just say I am fucking out of here.
Mr. Geithner gets up and storms out.
R- It's better than the treatment you'd get at Fox News!
Well, that's all for this edition of The Red Interview. I'd like to thank Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, and our sponsor Little Jimmy Pellet Guns. Remember, if it's says Little Jimmy, it's gonna hurt like hell. I'm Hunter Red, reminding you to help control the pet population. Have your dog or cat donated to that satanic cult. Night y'all!
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment