Early in the morning of December 5th, a fire broke out at a nightclub in Perm, Russia, taking the lives of 112 people. Officials blame this fire on a fireworks display set off during a performance shot into the decorative twig ceiling of the Lame Horse club.
When reached for comment on this story, Great White lead vocalist Jack Russell said, “Why the fuck did you contact me about this story?”
(Insert Obvious Joke Here)
This week over two hundred tons of meat were recalled by Meat Packers Inc. over concerns about the meat being tainted with salmonella. This follows a similar move last month by Fudge Packers Inc. Fudge Packers Inc. recalled approximately two hundred tons of Fudge Packers brand fudge over concerns about the packages of Fudge Packers brand fudge being packed too tightly.
In a statement, Fudge Packers Inc. President Chester Hardbody, pictured above, said, “For a long time we’ve been concerned about the possibility of our Fudge Packers brand fudge being packed too tightly. Now our concerns have come to a head. We apologize profusely to anyone who consumed our Fudge Packers Inc. Fudge Packers brand fudge.”
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A Grinch's Gift Guide
This is an article that went up on Yahoo on December 1st. Almost instantly thereafter video game nerds started to complain about this article. Reactions were generally “PS3 Hater!”, “This guy is clearly an Xbox Fanbitch”, and other statements that gave the impression that conveyed they thought they were being persecuted. However, none of the reactions dealt with the actual point the writer was trying to make.
If the gamers had bothered to read PAST THE FIRST PARAGRAPH they would have seen the writer was complaining about exorbitant repair bills. Anne Kadet points out that, unlike the Xbox 360 and Wii, if the rechargeable battery in the Playstation 3 controller goes kaput you can’t just replace the battery, you have to replace the entire controller. What Anne brings up is a valid point and one that would have gotten through to gamers if they had bothered to read the ENTIRE ARTICLE!
I will, however, disagree with Miss Kadet that the PS3 has the most exorbitant repair bills. Yes, replacing the entire controller on the PS3 if the battery goes kaput is a pain, but I venture to guess the average 360 consumer has experienced the Red Rings Of Death more than the average PS3 owner has had to replace the controller. For me it’s one to zero.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Christmas Album Review
Aqua Teen Hunger Force is a show on Cartoon Network that makes absolutely no sense… unless you are high, and even then it makes no sense. So I felt it appropriate to do two reviews of the new ATHF Christmas CD, one while sober and one while high. Here we go.
Sober Review
Okay, this sucks. Even as a joke Christmas CD this sucks. The Christmas CD that Stephen Colbert put out last year, A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All!!!, is vastly superior than this. Hell, I’d rather listen to those tone-deaf Mormon kids butcher holiday classics than listen to this again. At least with the kids I can get a reaction to my calls for Freebird.
High Review
What the hell! I though pot was supposed to make everything good. I mean that’s what it did with Leprechaun 2, that damn Steven Segal CD, Extraordinary Chickens, and all the other shit Conan O’Brien’s been plugging lately. This Aqua Teen Hunger Force Christmas Album still sucks. I’m not even finding Carl’s really blatant masturbation jokes funny and that’s one of my favorite things to do while high.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force- Have Yourself A Meaty Little Christmas: D-
Red Taunts
This Monday, December 14th, is projected to be the highest volume day of the year for the United States Postal Service. Over 184.5 Million (estimated) pieces of mail are expected to be handled by the post office on this day alone. Postal employees working on this day can expect at minimum a ten hour day that is frantic, pressured, and demanding to say the least. And, for the third year in a row, I will not be participating in this day.
This is because, as a career employee at the United States Postal Service, I get guaranteed weekends off and Mondays, including Monday December 14th, are a part of my weekend. This means on the single busiest day my employee experiences each year I will be doing what I usually do on Mondays, getting tanked and watching wrestling.
I love my job. Also, submissions for the Second Annual Four Star Gaming Awards are due on Tuesday. Submit who you think should win in any of the following catagories.
Game of the Year
360 Game of the Year
PS3 Game of the Year
Wii Game of the Year
Downloadable Game of the Year
Gaming Disappointment of the Year
Non-Gaming Thing Most Deserving of an Award
Do it or I will kill this puppy.
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