****- Kaput Christmas Puppy Alcohol

Another Perm Goes Bad

Early in the morning of December 5th, a fire broke out at a nightclub in Perm, Russia, taking the lives of 112 people. Officials blame this fire on a fireworks display set off during a performance shot into the decorative twig ceiling of the Lame Horse club.

When reached for comment on this story, Great White lead vocalist Jack Russell said, “Why the fuck did you contact me about this story?”



(Insert Obvious Joke Here)

This week over two hundred tons of meat were recalled by Meat Packers Inc. over concerns about the meat being tainted with salmonella. This follows a similar move last month by Fudge Packers Inc. Fudge Packers Inc. recalled approximately two hundred tons of Fudge Packers brand fudge over concerns about the packages of Fudge Packers brand fudge being packed too tightly.

In a statement, Fudge Packers Inc. President Chester Hardbody, pictured above, said, “For a long time we’ve been concerned about the possibility of our Fudge Packers brand fudge being packed too tightly. Now our concerns have come to a head. We apologize profusely to anyone who consumed our Fudge Packers Inc. Fudge Packers brand fudge.”



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A Grinch's Gift Guide

This is an article that went up on Yahoo on December 1st. Almost instantly thereafter video game nerds started to complain about this article. Reactions were generally “PS3 Hater!”, “This guy is clearly an Xbox Fanbitch”, and other statements that gave the impression that conveyed they thought they were being persecuted. However, none of the reactions dealt with the actual point the writer was trying to make.

If the gamers had bothered to read PAST THE FIRST PARAGRAPH they would have seen the writer was complaining about exorbitant repair bills. Anne Kadet points out that, unlike the Xbox 360 and Wii, if the rechargeable battery in the Playstation 3 controller goes kaput you can’t just replace the battery, you have to replace the entire controller. What Anne brings up is a valid point and one that would have gotten through to gamers if they had bothered to read the ENTIRE ARTICLE!

I will, however, disagree with Miss Kadet that the PS3 has the most exorbitant repair bills. Yes, replacing the entire controller on the PS3 if the battery goes kaput is a pain, but I venture to guess the average 360 consumer has experienced the Red Rings Of Death more than the average PS3 owner has had to replace the controller. For me it’s one to zero.




Aqua Teen Hunger Force Christmas Album Review

Aqua Teen Hunger Force is a show on Cartoon Network that makes absolutely no sense… unless you are high, and even then it makes no sense. So I felt it appropriate to do two reviews of the new ATHF Christmas CD, one while sober and one while high. Here we go.

Sober Review

Okay, this sucks. Even as a joke Christmas CD this sucks. The Christmas CD that Stephen Colbert put out last year, A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All!!!, is vastly superior than this. Hell, I’d rather listen to those tone-deaf Mormon kids butcher holiday classics than listen to this again. At least with the kids I can get a reaction to my calls for Freebird.

High Review

What the hell! I though pot was supposed to make everything good. I mean that’s what it did with Leprechaun 2, that damn Steven Segal CD, Extraordinary Chickens, and all the other shit Conan O’Brien’s been plugging lately. This Aqua Teen Hunger Force Christmas Album still sucks. I’m not even finding Carl’s really blatant masturbation jokes funny and that’s one of my favorite things to do while high.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force- Have Yourself A Meaty Little Christmas: D-



Red Taunts

This Monday, December 14th, is projected to be the highest volume day of the year for the United States Postal Service. Over 184.5 Million (estimated) pieces of mail are expected to be handled by the post office on this day alone. Postal employees working on this day can expect at minimum a ten hour day that is frantic, pressured, and demanding to say the least. And, for the third year in a row, I will not be participating in this day.

This is because, as a career employee at the United States Postal Service, I get guaranteed weekends off and Mondays, including Monday December 14th, are a part of my weekend. This means on the single busiest day my employee experiences each year I will be doing what I usually do on Mondays, getting tanked and watching wrestling.

I love my job. Also, submissions for the Second Annual Four Star Gaming Awards are due on Tuesday. Submit who you think should win in any of the following catagories.
Game of the Year
360 Game of the Year
PS3 Game of the Year
Wii Game of the Year
Downloadable Game of the Year
Gaming Disappointment of the Year
Non-Gaming Thing Most Deserving of an Award

Do it or I will kill this puppy.

****- Eric Idle Is My Hero

D > G

On October 19th the Obama Administration released a directive to the Department of Justice ordering them to stop enforcement of current drug laws in cases that have to do with the manufacturing, distribution, and use of marijuana for medicinal use. In short, President Obama ordered a stop to the federal government crackdown on medical marijuana.

While I do believe this to be a positive step and a generally good thing, I do have a problem with this move. The non-enforcement of marijuana laws was an Obama campaign promise as was the repeal of the US Military’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell has yet to be repealed or acted upon. What this implicitly says is that the Obama Administration values users of marijuana over homosexuals. I am confident in saying that’s not the case but the Obama Administration actions on one but not the other speaks volumes about their priorities.



:(

In the past I have been practically caviler about how fortunate I was. I was one of the only people that had never experienced the Red Rings Of Death. On October 22nd, 2009 I experienced RROD.

It’s weird coming face to face with your weakness. For a time I felt so impotent. I had fallen down from my place of glory down to a level equal to all of you. On that day I felt so low.

Now I’m regaining my confidence. Now I’m climbing back to that place of glory and I never want to be down there with you people again.






Giving Credit Where Credit Is Due

One of the things that annoys me more than anything else is impotent complaint. I absolutely hate it when someone fruitlessly yells about something rather tham acting to do away with what has angered them. Many Christian Coalition Corporation Groups are guilty of this. Many groups just endlessly complain rather than taking substantive action to create the world they hold as ideal.

It is because of this that I feel compelled to point out and give credit to any spiritual organization that actually makes a substantive effort to create their ideal in the video game realm. I do this because I wish to reward their behavior even if I do disagree with their ideal. I present just such an example now.

Guitar Praise is a music rhythm game made by Digital Praise. Guitar Praise is a PC only title available at www.guitarpraise.com. This game includes songs from such Christian rock bands as Reliant K, Whitecross, Thousand Year Krutch, and Newsboys.

I cannot review Guitar Praise as I have not played it but I like this game as a concept. What Digital Praise had done is they have acted in a substantive way. Rather than endlessly complaining about how the world should be they have done something to create that world. They have given the video game consumer an alternative to games that are violent, obscene, and take away from the spirit, and I have to give them credit for that.

Guitar Praise: A move in a positive direction.



And Now For Something Completely Different





It Begins…

It’s that time of the year. There’s a crisp feeling in the air, the major sports leagues are ramping up, and a young man’s thoughts turn to just how broke he is about to be. That’s right, the time is here. It’s time for the Second Annual Four Star Gaming Awards to begin, and each and every one of you has the opportunity to participate in it.

Simply contact me with who you believe should walk away with the Four Star Gaming Award in any or all of the seven award categories. Games eligible for this year’s awards are games released from October 1st to December 15th 2009. The categories are:
Game of the Year
Xbox 360 Game of the Year
Wii Game of the Year
PS3 Game of the Year
Downloadable Game of the Year
Disappointment of the Year
Non-Gaming Thing Deserving of an Award

There are a number of ways for you to contact me. Either comment on the blog post that you have read this on, email me (Redertainment@live.com), message me on Facebook (Hunter Red), or Twitter me (@Redertainment). Submissions are due by December 15th with the Four Star Gaming Awards being presented on January 3rd, 2010. I look forward to a strong response to this call for nominations and incorporating many different viewpoints into this year’s Four Star Gaming Awards.

Top Five Blogs Of The Year

Many people have taken it upon themselves to list their top blogs of the past year. I refuse to do that. Rather than refusing to go forward and dwelling in the past, I am looking forward and moving ahead. So here now are my top five blogs of 2009.


#5. Square Enix announces a delay for Final Fantasy XIII in America. Alex Huhtala, Public Relations Manager for Square Enix, announced today a delay in the release of the hotly anticipated Final Fantasy XIII in America until June 2011. In a statement, the reason given for the delay is, "English is really hard to do..."


#4. Sim Ant XBLA review: It's mad buggy


#3. For a long time, gamers have been wondering where my Xbox 360 goes when it suffers the Red Rings Of Death. As it turns out, the RROD'd 360s get sent to a small facility on Ontario run by a man known as Z. Upon further investigation, it turns out this facility is run by ZapAttack! host Zapy. So, at it turns out, Zappy fixed my 360.


#2. Gran Turismo 5 Review: Ah-Ah-Ah-AHMAZING

#1. Rockstar North has announced a new game that is sure to spark controversy. This is not because of the language, actions, or anything else the protagonist does, but rather who the protagonist is. Set for release in June of 2010 is Che Guevara: Viva la Revolucion!


Here's to a happy new year and a hopeful return of AGI.

Xbox Live June Update List

Recently, Kotaku released a list of features that was supposed to be on the Microsoft 360 Spring Dashboard Update. In response, Larry Hryb, better known to the world as John James Preston, announced that there would be no update. However, today on his blog, Mr. Preston released a detailed list of what will be a part of the June 2008 Xbox 360 Dashboard Update to be released on Wednesday, June 18th at 3:00 A.M. PST. Here is a reproduction of that list.


The ability to plug in your iPod and stream music bought off iTunes.
The ability to play videos stored on most external devices plugged into the USB port.
The ability to clear any unwanted game from your played game/Gamerscore list, provided that no Gamerscore has been accrued.
If a user is watching a DVD, the user will appear as "Busy".
Recognition for selected DVD movies as well as games.


A new feature will be rolled out that will allow Gold Members to play Dreamcast, PS1 and PS2 games. This system, called Wired Extra ReUsuable Learned Extraordinarities, or W.E.R.U.L.E., is expected to work via a relationship with Black Pearl and head boss Jack Sparrow. The reaction to this move by game companies and console manufactures in decidedly "pissed".


Enabling of the ability to destroy the console of any cheating members via the as of yet discovered C4 charges packed in all 360 consoles.


The ability to turn the Red Rings of Death orange.
The as of yet described "SeXbox" feature.


The ability for users to turn on the controllers rumble feature and leave it on for hours in needed. This is expected to greatly benefit female users.


The ability to check your Hotmail account for messages from Nigerians looking to give you large sums of totally legitimate cash.


The ability to surf the Internet for all things, except pornography. As a result of the inability to surf porn, this feature is not expected to be used.


The ability to hire a hit man to take out people who are better than you at Halo 3.


The ability to better describe why you are filing a complaint against people over Xbox Live. This will allow you to better describe why that guy who showed Barbie dolls having sex should be banned, as well as shot.


The enabling of a peripheral that dispenses Red Bull.


A feature that allows the 360 to reject any game that rates under 40 on Metacritic.


The ability to search vehicle lots for any vehicles bought in Forza 2. This is not expected to help anyone searching for a vintage Geo Metro.
And finally, a feature that allows any hardcore gamer to get laid. Just kidding about that one.

The reaction to this update has been as variant as any decision made by Microsoft regarding it's gaming division. These reactions include "Kick ass", to "What the fuck!", to "Awesome! I'm gonna finally have sex!".