After I finished The Black Robin Christmas Carol, I set about putting my other two books in a state I felt comfortable with putting into the market. The first one I worked on was The Hawk. I found an embarrassing amount of problems with it. Seriously, to the few of you that did read The Hawk, I sincerely apologize. After adding about three thousand words and thoroughly beating myself up about it, The Hawk is now in a state that I feel comfortable trying to see if I can sell it.
As far as The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust, I'm done. I think there might be some problems with it, but I'm done proofreading for a while. Now I have three books for people to ignore. Hurray for optimism. :)
The Hawk: Word Version PDF Version
The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust: Word Version PDF Version
The Black Robin Christmas Carol: Coming November 1st.
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo Review
I have been assigned to write a review for The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. However, as I have a thing for goth chicks, I feel I can not objectively review this movie. Therefore, I have passed off this responsibility to my fiance, Robin Anderson. I just hope she doesn't read the part about me having a thing for goth chicks, because she objects to the use of the word "chick".
I just read the opening bit of this piece. Chick. Really? You're using that word? You know much I object to women being objectified like that! Yet you do so anyway. Sometimes, I just don't believe you.
Look, I'm sorry. It's just, that's the first impression I got from the central character of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. Lisbeth Salamander looks like the prototypical goth chick that is seen in many shallow teen dramas nowadays. The black hair over the face, the multiple piercing in the ears, the dog collar, these are the kind of things I see walking out of Hot Topic everyday.
What are you doing hanging out in front of the Hot Topic? What, am I not good enough for you?
No, you are plenty for me. I don't even know where that comment came from. I was just milling about in front of the Hot Topic so that I wouldn't be milling about in front of the Victoria's Secret, waiting for you to come out with one of those free panties you can get if you get on Victoria's Secret's mailing list. And I can't be seen milling about in front of the Victoria's Secret or people will think I'm some sort of pervert.
You got a point there. Okay then, I'll do the review for you.
I love IKEA. I love just taking the long drive necessary to get out to that glorious blue box, going inside, and walking around in the prefabricated awesomeness for hours and hours and hours. Sure I can't pronounce any of the things that are in IKEA, but that is so overrated. Plus, I can easily assemble anything I buy. I just ask Hunter to do it.
Wait a minute, you object to me using the term "chick", but are okay with perpetuating the stereotype that women need men to construct things?
It's a joke. You tell off colour jokes all the time.
Yeah, but I generally put such jokes in an absurd or satirical context. What is the context of that comment?
Hmmmm. You got a point there. Okay, we should probably wrap this thing up, it's getting rather long.
Yeah, and with the pictures, this thing should easily meet Seifer's requirement for length.
I bet Robin doesn't have a requirement for length.
Do I have to hit you with a croquet mallet, again?
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo: B-
Billy Mitchell: Lion Tamer
On August 9, 2010, reports surfaced that Billy Mitchell, pictured above, had retaken the world record for Donkey Kong. Billy's referee verified score of 1,062,800 bests Hank Chien's previous record of 1,061,700. Upon achieving this feat, Mr. Mitchell was quoted as saying, "Some say I'm being cocky. Some say I'm being lazy. I say, I'm being Billy Mitchell." This was not Mr. Mitchell's complete statement. The following is the complete transcript of what Billy Mitchell said after retaking the Donkey Kong world record.
Why do I insist on retaking the Donkey Kong world record from people such as Steve Wiebe and Hank Chien. Well they have boring personalities for one. You want me to continue? How about saving us from that face that looks like you got flattened by a frying pan. Or your monotonous, robotic, Mr. Awesome voice. Or how 'bout I save us from your child-bearing hips, your super cuts hairstyle, your subscription to Blue Ball magazine? But most importantly, Hank Chien, I'm here to save us, from you. Because the first chance I get I'm gonna take that Donkey Kong world record from you, and I'm gonna put it 'round this gorgeous waist, and when I do, Donkey Kong, Twin Galaxies, video gaming entertainment, entertainment entertainment, the state of Florida, the country of the United States, the Western Hemisphere, the planet Earth, the heavens above, the galaxies, the crab nebula, the Universe its self... will never, never, never, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever, be the same, again! I called Steve Wiebe and said to him, "Some say I'm being cocky. Some say I'm being lazy. I say, I'm being Billy Mitchell." A week later he hand't returned my call, and at first I thought 'I haven't heard from this man all week. At first I thought it was because it was a spineless, cowardly, jellyfish, but then I realized that he's just... too stupid to understand the concept of records. He has the IQ of a kumquat, and I think I used too big words, I spoke too quickly, Steve got lost in the shuffle! So I'm going to say this very slowly. Some say I'm being cocky. Some say I'm being cocky. Some say I'm being lazy. I say, I'm being Billy Mitchell. I am the best in the world at what I do.
When reached for comment on this story, Hank Chien congratulated Billy Mitchell on attaining the Donkey Kong world record, while Steve Wiebe said, "WILL YOU PEOPLE STOP CALLING MY DAMN HOUSE!!!"
Observations On A Morning In Pocatello
There are time I like to look out at what's around.
The gentle swaying of the trees,
The cars zipping by,
The birds drifting from rooftop to rooftop.
Then I see a dog and my cynophobia kicks in so I do inside.
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