The In-Laws Find Out
Robin Anderson is sitting in her office, typing up her latest article about the Utah pornography scene, when Liz calls to her from the general office area.
Liz- Robin, your father is on line one.
Robin- Okay, thank you.
Robin picks up the phone. Robin's father, Denis, come into the camera shot in a split screen.
Robin- Hello daddy.
Denis- Robin, did something big happen to you recently?
Robin- I don't think so, why?
Denis- Something big, that will alter your whole life, that will inextricably bond you to someone else, something like that?
Robin- I don't think so.
Denis- Robin, I read your boyfriend's blog post.
Robin gets a weird look on her face.
Robin- Might I ask why?
Denis- I wanted to get to know this boy that you're dating.
Robin- I don't believe you, but okay.
Denis- I turned on my computer last Monday and see that your boyfriend has posted a new blog post.
Robin- He usually does that.
Denis- And I read a blog post called "TOTALLY SUBTLE WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT CONTAINED HERE!!!"
Robin- Yeah, I read that as well.
Denis- Is there a reason that you haven't told me you're getting married?
Robin gets this stunned look on her face.
Robin- I didn't tell you that?
Denis- Nope. Also, I haven't met this guy that you are marrying yet.
Robin- Oh. (To Hunter in his office) Hunter, could you pick up Line 1?
Hunter picks up the phone and comes into the camera shot, making it a three way split with Denis in the center.
Hunter- Hello.
Robin- Hunter, this is my dad. Dad, this is Hunter.
Hunter begins waving at Denis.
Hunter- Hello future-daddy. I'm waving at you right now but you can't see it.
Denis facepalms.
Denis- This is the guy you're marrying.
Robin- Yes, isn't he cute?
Hunter- Yes I am.
Hunter stops waving and Denis stops facepalming.
Denis- Robin, I want to actually meet this guy.
Hunter- Okay, how's this weekend?
Robin- Don't you have plans this weekend?
Hunter- Not really, unless you count playing Battlefield Bad Company 2 as a plan. Besides, I have that big fucking SUV that I've never gone on a long trip with.
Denis- You have a big fucking SUV?
Hunter- Yes.
Denis- I think I like this guy.
The three on the phone call begin to smile.
Denis- Okay, I'm going to go now, talk to you later dear.
Hunter and Robin- Okay, I love you daddy.
The three in the phone call hang up but the three way camera shot split remains.
Robin- (To Hunter in his office) I think my dad likes you.
Hunter- (To Robin in her office) I think we need an intercom system.
Denis- (Looking directly down) Okay Marissa, you can stop doing that now, I don't think anything's going to come from it.
Hunter and Robin look toward Denis in the three way camera shot.
Hunter and Robin- WHAT?
END SCENE
The Red Interview- The American Minors Association
Hunter Red is sitting on a raised platform with two chairs on it.
Good evening, and welcome to The Red Interview. I am Hunter Red. Recently, California appealed the ruling handed down striking down it's controversial law, Assembly Bill 1179, which would have made the sale of violent video games to children illegal. Many various groups have come made statements about this bill, but we have yet to hear from the one group this law most directly impacts, children. So, we searched online for a group of people who represent the interest of children. After wading through the mountain of child pornography groups out there, we came upon one group fit the mold. The American Minors Association is the first national union for minors in the United States. AMA President Thomas Lloyd is here tonight to talk with us. Ladies and gentlemen, Thomas Lloyd.
Thomas LLoyd comes out to the stage and sits in the chair next to Hunter.
Hunter- Mr. Lloyd, thank you for coming here today.
Thomas- I'm grateful to be here, however I think you are confused.
Hunter- What, am I mispronouncing your name.
Thomas- No, I represent the American Miners Association.
Hunter- Exactly, the American Minors Association.
Thomas- No, Miners, as in the people who mine for coal.
Hunter- They still have kids digging for coal!
Thomas- No! I do not represent kids. I represent miners.
Hunter- What's the difference?
Thomas- Miners are adults.
Hunter- No, minors are kids, hence the reason I can treat kids like second class citizens.
Thomas- No, you can't treat kids, or anyone for that matter, like second class citizens.
Hunter- Why not? Why can't minors in our society have the same rights and abilities as women and gay people?
Thomas- Those people have equal rights as well.
Hunter- Sure, that's what we tell them.
Thomas- All people should be treated equally under the law, whether they be gay, straight, black, white, male, female, minors, or miners, or whatever they are.
Hunter- Exactly, although I do wonder why you said minors twice.
Thomas- I was referring to two difference groups of people.
Hunter- No, you referred to seven different groups of people, you just accidentally said one of them twice.
Thomas gets up out of his chair, grabs Hunter by his collar and says-
Thomas- Look you ginger asshole, get this through your thick scull. I represent miners.
Hunter- Yes, which is why we wanted you on the show, to talk about the California law that affects the rights of minors.
Thomas- NO! You want to talk about minors! I want to talk about miners!
Hunter- Are you saying worlds multiple times to make you sound insane, because if you are, that is a very believable tactic.
Thomas- Fuck this.
Thomas Lloyd walks off the stage. Hunter turns to the camera and says-
Well, that's all the time we have for The Red Interview. I'd like to thank my guest Thomas Lloyd, and invite him to come back on the show once he is properly medicated. I am Hunter Red, reminding you that if a kid asks you to buy a video game for him, tell him no and point him to the guy who buys beer for kids. Thanks for watching.
(Insert Sexual Pun Here)
Hotel Room-Portland, Oregon-Morning
Robin Anderson wakes up, probably woken up by Hunter Red watching Archer on Netflix on his laptop. Robin stretches for a bit and says-
Robin- How long have you been up?
Hunter- Technically I never went to sleep.
Robin- Oh. Did my fantastic sexual prowess keep you up all night long?
Hunter- I'm the one that's supposed to say that. My sexual prowess is supposed to keep you up all night. Or asleep shortly thereafter. I don't know, I'm not up to date on my male sexual norms.
Robin starts to get up from bed and asks-
Robin- Did you already take a shower?
Hunter- Showered, breakfast, and an additional third thing.
Robin- Did you use the shampoo?
Hunter- Yeah. There was a remarkably large amount of it in that small container. The conditioner, not so much, but the shampoo most definitely.
Robin- Damn. How am I supposed to wash my hair now? My hair is going to look thrashed all day.
Hunter reaches under the desk where his laptop is resting and pulls out a bag with two large bottles of shampoo and conditioner in it.
Robin- Where did you find the time to buy that?
Hunter- I was up all night. After I watched The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo I ran down to Walgreen's and got you these things.
Robin walks over to Hunter, naked, kisses him, and takes the bag from him.
Robin- You always know what I want.
Hunter- That's what you said as you were drifting off to sleep last night.
Robin walks into the bathroom to take a shower.
Robin- By the way, would you find my black lacy thong for me?
Hunter- You always know what I want.
END SCENE
Hunter, Robin, Hunter, and Hunter
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