I Spit On Your Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day At The Redertainment Corporation Of America

It's Valentine's Day at the official offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. A camera on a track slowly rolls through the offices, seeing each of the employees and what they are doing on this very special day. The first employee seen is the President of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, Rodger Red.

Rodger Red is sitting at his desk holding a framed picture and drinking some scotch.

Rodger Red- There are many days that I think of you, my beloved Joan. Why the good Lord took you away from me, I'll never know, but I will always treasure the decades we shared together, and the eternity that we will share in heaven.

Rodger finishes off his glass of scotch as the camera continues rolling toward Julia Diana Bobbi's office.

Julia Diana Bobbi is sitting at her desk talking to someone on the phone. There are a dozen roses sitting on her left side and a small package sitting on her right.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Yes, John, I received them just now. They are lovely, thank you.

Julia listens to the phone a little more.

Julia Diana Bobbi- You want me to open it now, instead of waiting for dinner? Okay.

Julia opens the package. She pulls out what's inside.

Julia Diana Bobbi- John, I like the material of this thing, but what am I supposed to do with a slingshot?

The package did not contain a slingshot, it contained a pair of thong underwear. Julia has this puzzled look on her face as the camera leaves her office and continues rolling along to LIz's desk. Liz is busy typing along on her computer when a pair of kids come and attack her.

Kids- Happy Valentine's Day Grandma!

They are Liz's grandchildren. Liz's daughter, Jenna, has brought the grandchildren over bearing cards, candy, and cute stuffed animals.

Liz- Why thank you kids. It's so good to see you. Now, who wants some chocolate?

Kids- Me! Me! Me!

Liz and the Kids begin to dig into the chocolates as the camera continues rolling along. The last employee of The Redertainment Corporation Of America seen is Hunter Red. His office is dark, with only his computer providing any light in his office. Hunter is sad.

Hunter- You know, on days like this, I used to be able to drink myself into a stupor. Now that I'm dealing with my alcoholism in a responsible manner, I can't really do that. But still, how can I escape this day of misery for all the unfortunately single?

Hunter looks on his desk.

Hunter- Look, I have mail.

Hunter goes through his mail.

Hunter- Look, I got Netflix.

Hunter opens his Netflix envelope.

Hunter- Look, I got I Spit On Your Grave.

Hunter Red looks at the camera with a devilish look on his face.

Hunter Red- Happy Valentine's Day.


Red Review: I Spit On Your Grave

One of the best movies I've ever seen is 13 Tzameti. It's a 2005 French black and white suspense film, a remake of which is set for a March 13th release date. As a viewer, you spent most of the film asking where the characters are going and what they are going to do when they get there. Once the characters get to the place they're going to, the rest of the film is spent hoping that the characters survive what they've gotten themselves into. What makes 13 Tzameti great isn't what you know, it's what you don't know, it's what the filmmakers don't show you.

The makers of I Spit On Your Grave take an almost opposite approach to their film. They show you everything. Everything. EVERYTHING. All of the worst parts of human behavior is on display in this film, every detail of it. All of it. All. The amount of detail in this film is at times hard to watch. The worst part of this film is that there isn't any lift to it. This movie is creepy from start to finish. I'd be different if this film started from a good place and devolved into what it is, but it doesn't. About the only positive thing about this movie is that the victim gets her revenge in the end. It's a brutal, graphic, grotesque revenge, but it is revenge.

I Spit On Your Grave: Not Recommended, unless you really, REALLY, want to watch something fucked up

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