T.P.C.E.O.A.D.O.T.R.C.O.A.

A Letter From Rodger Red

Good evening.  Good evening to all who have followed the messages put out by the Redertainment Corporation Of America.  It has been some time since I have crafted a message to be disseminated by this corporation, but I have been busy dealing with other issues.

Last year, an issue came up that was of paramount importance to me.  The future of the Redertainment Corporation Of America was in peril, and a steady political mind was needed to ensure it's future.  For this reason, I worked on the campaign of Willard Mitt Romney.  Unfortunately, that campaign did not go as I expected it to.  God did not see it necessary to put the correct man in the place where he could do the most good for his chosen land.  As a result, the Redertainment Corporation Of America is still in peril.

This longtime period of peril has put a lot of strain on the employees of the Redertainment Corporation Of America.  Some employees have reacted to this stress well.  I am especially proud of the fine work put out by Julia Diana Bobbi.  I am ashamed by the unproductive work of my alcoholic grandson, Hunter Red.  Seriously, does that guy no nothing about producing product that makes money?

It was my plan to, with the ascension of Willard Mitt Romney, to bring the Redertainment Corporation Of America in full force.  However, since the ascension was thwarted by the moocher class, those plans have now had to change.  As a result of those changes, I have chosen a new man to be in charge of the Redertainment Corporation Of America.  That man is Gregory F. Rayburn.  I have faith that Gregory will lead the Redertainment Corporation Of America to newer heights never before seen to envisioned.

Finally, as a parting message, I leave you with the great words of a great man:

"We think that a powerful and vigorous movement is impossible without differences — "true conformity" is possible only in the cemetery."

Goodnight, and God Bless

Rodger Red

November 15, 2012

A Letter From Hunter Red

The letter that appeared above was delivered to The Official Offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America on Thursday, November 15th.  After a year of never showing up in the offices, Rodger Red announced that he was stepping down as President of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, and allowing Gregory F. Rayburn to take his place as President.  However, that move was quickly stopped.

There are two reasons who this move was stopped.  One: Gregory F. Rayburn already had a job.  Gregory F. Rayburn stopped having that job the following day, but, still, he had a job.  Two: Corporations do not work in the way that Rodger Red think that they do.  You cannot just give somebody the job of President of a corporation.  Instead, the board of directors must vote on a President, and the board of directors at The Redertainment Corporation Of America did not vote Gregory F. Rayburn to be the new President.  In fact, they never even took a vote on whether Gregory F. Rayburn would be President.  Instead, The Official Board Of Directors of The Redertainment Corporation Of America voted another man to be The President, C.E.O., And Demigod Of The Redertainment Corporation Of America.

Me.  I, Hunter Fucking Red, am now The President, C.E.O., And Demigod Of The Redertainment Corporation Of America.  All hail me.

Urine Soaked Parental Search

In my search for the elusive President of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, I first thought of going to the place that Rodger Red calls home. After getting the address from the General Executive Secretary, Liz, I found Rodger's home. It was a modest home, which was shocking given how rich the patriarch of the Red family is said to be. The grass in front of the home looked as if it hadn't been attended to in months. The garden, much longer. The closer I got to the entrance of the home, the more concerned I became. This home looked like the kind of thing you see in a horror film, or so I've been told as I've never partaken in that particular genre of cinema.

The door of the home of Rodger Red was simple. No ornate design or even a window to see to the outside, just a simple door with a simple knock and a simple sign that reads "No Solicitors". I knocked on the door three times, each time I felt the grime that covered every inch of this simple door. I waited for someone to respond. No one did. Then I knocked again, trying to hit the same point as to not collect any more of the door's grime on my knuckles. No response. Then I called out to the occupants of the home.

"Rodger. Rodger! Are you there Rodger?"

I waited a moment for a response. None came. Persisting, I knocked on the door again, this time harder. This time I did get a response but not from the occupants of the home. When I struck the door, it moved. The door opened a tiny crack, small enough for me to peer into but not large enough for me to enter.

I peered into the home of Rodger Red and saw nothing particularly out of the ordinary. It looked like the kind of home that my grandparents kept. The only thing I thought was odd was how little light there was in the home. The drapes on the windows were tightly drawn and none of the electric lights in the home were on. Odd. I called out to the occupants of the home again.

"Rodger! Rodger, are you okay? Can you hear me, Rodger?"

I could not hear a response, and was concerned by this fact. No one had seen Rodger Red for a couple of days and I was concerned that he was at home, unable to move or respond, on the verge of death. I made the decision right there and then to push into the home. If the cops had any problem with it, I would just tell them that I was concerned about an elderly person I knew and was checking up on them. Also, I don't look like a thief.

I pushed on the door, I heard a sound. A cat meowing in surprise at being disturbed. The more I pushed forward, the more cats I heard. Finally, once I has opened the door just enough to squeeze into the home, I saw the dominant lifeform in this house. The entire house had been taken over by cats, and there were a great many of them. I could not take a step without stepping on, over, or in other ways disturbing a cat. As I ventured further into the house, the smell of the feline infestation became overwhelming. Every kind of cat smell I could think of, and some I honestly had never thought of, was present in the house. The house looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a great amount of time, more time than any reasonable person could stand.

I stood in the kitchen, or what resembled a kitchen, and pulled out my cellphone to use as a light. Instantly, a thousand cats went scrambling, like cockroaches, away from the light. That is when I called out for the occupants again.

"Rodger? Can you hear me?"

The cats reacted to my voice, no human did. Searching around with the small amount of light provided by my cellphone, I found a set of stairs heading upward. I slowly climbed these stairs, clearing cats away on every tread. Reaching the top of the stairs, I found a number of doors. Most of them looked like they hadn't been touched by human hands in a long, long time. One did. The doorknob to one door stood as a stark contrast to the rest of the house. It was clean. Making my way to the door, I felt the need to announce myself before intruding more than I already had.

"Rodger? I'm going to open this door now. I'm sorry if I disturb you, Rodger. I'm really concerned about you, Rodger. Please forgive me."

The response I received was the same as before. Remembering my experience from the front door, I grabbed onto the doorknob, twisted, and shoved the door forward as hard as I could. There was no resistance behind the door, causing the door to fly open, shocking the person inside.

"Aaaah! Who are you what are you doing in my house? Aaaah!!!"

This was not Rodger. I know Rodger, not as well as his family might know him, but I know Rodger enough to know that Rodger Red is not a woman. I tried to apologize for my intrusion.

"I'm sorry miss, I just-"

"Who are you? You're one of those home invasion people the news told me about."

"No, I'm just looking for someone."

"You're just looking for a fix! Well, I'll fix you."

The woman grabbed one of the any cats that were present in her room and threw it at me. I took this as a sign that I should leave, and leave now. Speed was my primary concern as I left this house, not how many cats I stepped on or how many things I knocked over to do so.

I made it out to my car and took a deep breath, grateful that I was out of that house and into a place with clean air. Once I caught my breath, I called the one person in the Red family I knew, Rodger's grandson and my co-worker Hunter. It took three rings for Hunter to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hunter?"

"Yes?"

"This is Julia."

"I know that, I have your number in my phone."

"Listen, I was looking for Rodger, and I went by his home."

"Okay."

"And when I went inside I found all these cats, and there was a woman inside, and the house was just disgusting."

There was a short pause in the conversation before Hunter responded.

"Do you have the address right?"

I didn't know what Hunter meant by that, so it took me a second to respond.

"I, I think I have the address right."

"What address do you have?"

I found the piece of paper with the address Liz gave me and recited it to Hunter.

"1230 South Rockview Boulevard."

"And what house are you sitting in front of?"

I searched the front of the house for a number.

"I can't see a number on the front of the house, but this should be 1230, right?"

"No."

"No?"

"No. The house you went into is the crazy cat lady that lives next door to Rodger."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, she's lived there for years. In fact, when it rains, and the rain hits the north side of that house, the odor of cat piss causes Rodger to have an asthma attack."

I did not need to know that.

"Gee thanks, Hunter."

"No problem."

"So I should go next door and look for Rodger?"

"Actually he's on the news right now."

"What?"

"Yeah, Rodger is on the news right now telling people how he really needs more advertising revenue to keep Redertainment afloat."

The feeling of impotence is something I had never been familiar with untill that moment.

"So, Rodger is okay?"

"He is, now. Once I get a hold of him, it's another tale."

"Okay. I'm coming back to the office."

"Allright. See you soon."

I hung up the phone and started my car. As a pulled away from the home I made a mental note to myself. That note: Thoroughly clean my house, and get rid of my cat, Mr. Fuzzytail.

The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards

A Statement About SOPA

Before we present to you The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards, we present to you a statement from the President of The Redertainment Corporation Of American, Rodger Red.

Greetings. I am Rodger Red, President of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. Over the past couple of weeks, my office has been asked about our stance on SOPA. After consulting with our legal department, as well as several different knowledgable individuals about this topic, I have crafted a stance that reflects the viewpoints of not just myself but the entirety of The Redertainment Corporation Of America.

We here at The Redertainment Corporation Of America are proud to say that we support SOPA. It the belief of The Redertainment Corporation Of America that SOPA is something that everybody should use in their everyday life. We have come to this conclusion because we have seen what happens when individuals do not use SOPA. We have seen many individuals devolve into behavior that is destructive for themselves and the communities that they live in when they do not use SOPA on a regular basis.

It is the belief of The Redertainment Corporation Of America that the lives of every human being can be greatly enhances through the implementation and all encompassing application of SOPA. While The Redertainment Corporation Of America does have reservations about the federal government mandating the use of SOPA, we feel that an aggressive public service campaign can make the use of SOPA not only overwhelmingly appealing but almost compulsory.

At The Redertainment Corporation Of America, all of our employees use SOPA everyday. I use Safeguard brand SOPA, Julia Diana Bobbi uses Dove brand SOPA, while our secretary Liz uses Ivory brand SOPA. Our star employee Hunter Red currently uses a Old Spice brand body wash that my daughter, Allison, got him for Christmas.



The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards

This year we opened up the voting for The Four Star Awards to a wider and more available audience. The Redertainment Corporation Of America made voting available on Facebook, making voting open to everybody that is currently on the largest social media platform in the world. However, much like years in the past, there was very few votes cast in this year's awards.

Three. Just three people voted in this year's awards. Only Hunter Red, Jim Jenkins, and Krystian Skomra took advantage of this opportunity to vote on this year's The Four Star Awards.

Regardless, the awards will move on. This year, all ties in voting will be decided by a coin flip. The winner of The Four Star Award will be decided by die roll. So now, here are The Fourth Annual The Four Star Awards.



TV

Nominees:

American Horror Story
Breaking Bad
The Chicago Code
The Onion News Network/SportsDome
Tosh.0

Only one nominee received votes in this category, so, your winner of The Four Star Award in the TV category is:

American Horror Story



Movie

Nominees:

Attack The Block
Drive
Red State
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Super 8

Only two nominees in this category received votes, Attack The Block and Drive. Now the winner, by coin flip:

Drive



Album

Nominees:

Cage The Elephant- Thank You Happy Birthday
Childish Gambino- Camp
Lupe Fiasco- Lasers
The Nightwatchmen- World Wide Rebel Songs
The Strokes- Angles

The only nominees in this category to receive votes was Thank You Happy Birthday and Lasers. Now, the winner by coin flip:

Cage The Elephant- Thank You Happy Birthday



Video Games

Nominees:

Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
L.A. Noire
Portal 2
Saints Row The Third
Super Mario 3D Land

The winner, with two votes:

Skyrim



Personality Of The Year

Nominees:

CM Punk
GLaDOS
Keith Olbermann
Lady Gaga
Rebecca Black

Only CM Punk and GlaDOS received votes in this category. The winner, via coin flip:

CM Punk



Disappointment Of The Year

On April 20th, 2011, Sony's Playstation Network went down. Initially no reason was given for this outage, leading to a lot of speculation and worry about the nature of the outage, the integrity of the service itself, and whether user's personal information was compromised. Eventually, Sony disclosed that the outage was due to an "outside intrusion" and that user's personal information has in fact been compromised.

The way that Sony handled this crisis, including leaving many users in the dark about what was going on for several days, is generally seen as a giant mistake. In fact, throughout most of this year, the Sony Playstation Network hacking and the way Sony handled it was the frontrunner for this award. However, in August that started to change.

In August, users of Microsoft's Xbox Live started reporting illegitimate charges being made to their credit card accounts. When they dug further, these users found that these charges were tied to content being bought for several Electronic Arts's sports properties, most notably FIFA 12. Despite this issue being widespread and many users, some with prominent video game blogs and podcasts, openly saying that they believed this was an issue with Xbox Live, Microsoft continued to publicly say that the problem was not on their end. Microsoft continued to stress that the problem was on the user's side and that their online architecture was secure. This scandal is continuing to be played out, but another move by Microsoft, as well as by Sony, may impede user's ability to get recourse in matters of this nature.

In November 2011, Microsoft updated the End User License Agreement for Xbox Live. Among other changes made to this agreement, language was inserted pertaining to the kinds of legal action users that agree to the EULA can take against Microsoft. This language prevents users who agree to the EULA from filing class action lawsuits against Microsoft. This move follows a similar move made by Sony in relation to the Playstation Network. In addition, there is also the long standing issue of not being able to erase your credit card information off of Xbox Live, and the complete inability to completely erase your profile and profile information off of the Playstation Network.

These moves and the openly hostile stance that both Sony and Microsoft toward it's users in any issue, whether the issue is small and trivial or large and critical, makes one thing abundantly clear: Sony Computer Entertainment of America and the gaming division of Microsoft have a lackadaisical attitude toward protecting the information that their users freely give to them and see those same users, all of them no matter their history or standing as a customer, as a dire and malicious threat to their online architecture and their company as a whole. For this reason, The Four Star Award for Disappointment Of The Year goes to both Sony and Microsoft.


Sony And Microsoft


The Four Star Award

Nominees:

American Horror Story
Cage The Elephant- Thank You Happy Birthday
CM Punk
Drive
Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Sony and Microsoft

Each of the numbers were given to each of the six winners in the categories that came before. The numbers were given out by alphabetical order. The dice roll came up:

Therefore, the winner via dice roll:

Sony and Microsoft

Smoking Spam And Perry Como

The Creative Process At Happy Madison

At a meeting in an office in Culver City, California, higher executives at Happy Madison Productions meet for another meeting to brainstorm ideas for their next project. These people are Adam Sandler, Barry Bernardi, Allan Covert and Tim Herlihy. They meet around a large table with a certain object in the center, pictured below.

The star of Happy Madison Productions, Adam Sandler, sits at the head of the table and begins the meeting.

Adam Sandler- Okay fellas, we've had a lot of success lately, made a ton of dough, but now the time has come to come up with another blockbuster idea.

The other people around the table nod and make noises affirming what Mr. Sandler just said. Adam pushes a button on the intercom sitting in front of him and says-

Adam Sandler- Steven, would you bring in the happy lettuce?

An intern, Steven, enters the room carrying a large bag filled with what appears to be oregano. However, what is in the bag is not oregano. Steven begins loading the "oregano" into the object at the center of the table and lights it. The intern leaves the room as three of the executives, all but Sandler, begin to breathe deeply from the object at the center of the table.

Adam Sandler- Okay guys, let's brainstorm.

Barry Bernardi takes a drag from the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Barry Bernardi- What if we do a movie where you are talking care of a kid, but it's not your kid, it's John Stewart's kid.

Adam looks at Barry and says-

Adam Sandler- We did that already, it's called Big Daddy.

Allan Covert takes a drag rom the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Allan Covert- What if we do a movie where you inherit a fuckton of money and bang Wynona Rider.

Adam looks at Barry and says-

Adam Sandler- We did that already, it's called Mr. Deeds.

Tim Herlihy takes a drag from the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Tim Herlihy- What if you play a hockey player who plays golf!

Adam looks at Tim and says-

Adam Sandler- We did that movie, in fact YOU WROTE IT.

Barry takes another drag from the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Barry Bernardi- What if you marry Kevin James.

Adam looks at Barry with hate in his eyes and yells-

Adam Sandler- We did that movie already and nobody saw it!
Barry Bernardi- No, I mean just doing it. It's legal now in New York, Conan just got married there.
Adam Sandler- No, he just performed a marriage there. Come on guys, we've got to come up with a good idea.
Tim Herlihy- Why?
Adam Sandler- Why? Why! I'm tired of being a laughing stock!
Allan Covert- Why?
Adam Sandler- Because I want to be a respected actor.
Barry Bernardi- Why?
Adam Sandler- Are you people too high to ask any other questions?

There is a short pause.

Tim Herlihy- I'm not.
Adam Sandler- Then contribute to this discussion beyond just asking why.
Tim Herlihy- Okay, but first-

Tim takes a drag from the object containing the "oregano", then speaks.

Tim Herlihy- Man, that's good. Anyway, why do you want to make respectable films? All of the movies that Happy Madison has produced have been panned by critics, but that hasn't stopped them from making money. Every project we've greenlight has made money hand over fist. Why stop now?
Adam Sandler- Should we not be more concerned about making good quality films rather than making money?
Tim Herlihy- Rather than making money?
Adam Sandler- Yes.
Allan Covert- Dude, aren't you a registered Republican?

Adam takes a second before he answers.

Adam Sandler- Yes.
Barry Bernardi- Dude, that's sick!
Tim Herlihy- Adam, what is the driving force of the Republican Party?

Adam takes a second before he answers.

Adam Sandler- Money.
Tim Herlihy- Yes, making fat stacks of sweaty cash, even if that comes at the great loss of quality.
Adam Sandler- So?
Barry Bernardi- Don't you want to be a good Republican?

Adam thinks for a moment. Then he takes a drag from the object containing the "oregano" and says-

Adam Sandler- I guess you're right. Okay, how about this, there's a movie about a brother and sister who fight a lot, except I play both the brother and the sister. And we cast Al Pachino and make a lot of inside Hollywood jokes!

All the people around the table shout "Brilliant" as they begin to go through the process of producing Adam's new Hollywood movie idea, as well as smoking the rest of their "oregano".



END SCENE



The Redertainment Corporation Of America Employee Spotlight: Rodger Red

Job Title:
Owner, President, and Chief Executive Officer of The Redertainment Corporation Of America

What was your favorite TV show as a child?

We didn't have TV when I was a kid. We barely had radio.

Have you ever met a famous person? Who?

I met President Harding when I was just out of college. I said hello to him and he screamed at me to get him a goddamn drink.

If you were alone on a island with one CD, who's would it be?

Is there a best of the Perry Como Show CD?

Where do you wish to retire?

I'll retire when I'm dead. Even then, I'll probably still be working.

What is your favorite novel or author?

I remember reading C.S. Lewis's Narnia series when it was released. Tolkien is nothing compared to Lewis.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go?

I'd like to visit Monaco again. The place has never been the same since Princess Grace died.

What would you do with a million dollars?

I already have a million dollars.

Please add one fun fact about yourself.

I ALREADY HAVE A MILLION DOLLARS!!!



Hello Stranger, Hunter Red

You remember or not, but Hunter Red is here

I am only 28 years old
If you still remember, we met in a mall a week ago
That was quite offensive, but I got book for you from my naughty sale
You can download it from Amazon, you will like the girls there!
Priest science blue
Liquid care gate knot correspondent

If you want, we can repeat it anytime. Bye!

Destroying Your Chance To Translate The Welcoming Riot

Welcome Back... Are You Okay?

It's Thursday morning at The Official Offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. Rodger Red, Julia Diana Bobbi, and Liz are busily working away when Hunter Red strolls into the offices. No one reacts to his presence, except for Julia.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Hunter! You're back in one piece.

Hunter is visibly disgusted by this statement by Julia, even as Julia is giving Hunter a hearty hug.

Hunter Red- Liz, what did you tell her?

Liz- That you were off the wagon.

Hunter Red- Yes, what else?

Julia Diana Bobbi- They tried to convince me that you were a lost cause.

Hunter Red- Fuck!

Hunter leaves the general office area and goes into his office. Julia follows him.

Julia Diana Bobbi- So, how was your trip?

Hunter Red- Great. I got a lot of work done in between going to shows and stuff.

Julia Diana Bobbi- You worked on your vacation?

Hunter Red- Sure. Why do you think Rodger isn't all over my ass about content?

Julia Diana Bobbi- Because you wrote that five part piece that we've been slowly rolling out on the website.

Hunter Red- The Reunion? Oh. Damn, I forgot about that.

Julia steps a little closer to Hunter's desk.

Julia Diana Bobbi- So, are you okay?

Hunter Red- Yeah. I got a little sunburnt walking to a strip club, but I get sunburnt anytime I walk outside.

Julia steps a little closer to Hunter's desk.

Julia Diana Bobbi- No, I mean, are you okay?

Hunter Red- Yeah. Why do you ask?

Julia Diana Bobbi- Because I'm concerned about you and your battle with alcoholism.

Hunter sighs audibly.

Hunter Red- Julia, I thank you for your concern. (Louder so that Liz and Rodger can hear)The God I don't believe in knows that no one else in this office does.

Liz- I just take the phone calls.

Rodger Red- Remember, your deadline is coming up.

Julia steps a little closer to Hunter's desk, to the point where she takes a seat on the corner of it.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Hunter-

Hunter Red- You're getting awfully close, Julia.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Oh, I'm sorry.

Hunter Red- I'm not. I don't know if I've told you this before, but you have a delectable butt.

Julia takes this compliment oddly.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Thanks. Anyway, Hunter, I'm concerned about you because I'm aware of the severe effects that alcohol can have on the-

Hunter Red- Do you know when I got back into town?

Julia Diana Bobbi- Yesterday?

Hunter Red- No, Tuesday. Do you know what I did with my extra day?

Julia Diana Bobbi- Cleared out your TiVo and drank?

Hunter Red- I visited my therapist.

Julia doesn't know how to react to this statement.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Okay.

Hunter Red- You see, I can't go to traditional AA, because of the heavy spiritual influence. Instead, the addiction therapist I went to for recovery advised that I go to a clinical psychologist on a regular basis and whenever I slip up.

Julia Diana Bobbi- So you and your therapist talked it out and your back on the road to recovery?

Hunter Red- Yep.

Julia is made jubilant by this affirmation.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Excellent!

Julia hops off Hunter's desk and gives him a hug. Hunter doesn't know what to make of this, but enjoys it regardless.

Julia Diana Bobbi- It's good to see you are dedicated to your recovery.

Hunter Red- It's good to see your butt from this angle.

Julia breaks the hug and makes her way to Hunter's office door.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Hunter, if you ever need to talk about anything, my office is right over there.

Hunter Red- Okay. Thank you.

Hunter is sincere when he thanks Julia. As Julia makes her way toward her office, Hunter says-

Hunter Red- You know, I wasn't kidding about what I said about your butt.

Julia Diana Bobbi- I know, but you, nor anybody else for that manner, will get their hands on my butt untill the night I get married.

Julia continues on her travel to her office and goes out of sight of Hunter's gaze. When she does so, Hunter digs around in his desk, pulls out an old bottle of Grey Goose, opens it and says-

Hunter Red- To that lucky, lucky, lucky man. It won't be me, but I hope that guy knows the kind of woman he's managed to snag.

Hunter takes a swig from his Grey Goose bottle then puts it back in it's drawer.

 

 

 

END SCENE

 

 

 

 

YOU DESTROYED MY CHANCE

 

 

 

 

 

London Rioting

Not being in London during the riots, nor trusting of media reports about them, I can only image what they are like. I imagine they are like this.

 

 

 

 

Lessons In Language And Communications And Talking To People

Hello. We here at The Redertainment Corporation Of America are proud to bring you these lessons in how to communicate with people in foreign lands that are not America. The following is a series of common Italian phrases that are useful if you go to Italy or other places where the Italian language is prevalent, such as Italy.

Hello.

Ciao.

How are you?

Come stai?

I am well, thank you for asking.

Sto bene, vi ringrazio per avermelo chiesto.

Excuse me, can I have some beer, please?

Mi scusi, posso avere qualche birra, per favore?

Do you have any locally brewed varieties of beer?

Avete qualche varietà di birra prodotta a livello locale?

My, that is large glass.

Il mio, che è il vetro di grandi dimensioni.

Can I have another?

Posso avere un altro?

Can I have another?

Posso avere un altro?

Can I have another?

Posso avere un altro?

Would you, perchance, know where I could pick up a prostitute?

Volete, forse, sapere dove potrei prendere una prostituta?

No, I was not saying your sister is a prostitute.

No, non stavo dicendo a tua sorella è una prostituta.

Boy, that is a shiny knife you have.

Ragazzo, che è un coltello lucido che avete.

Ouch!

Ohi!

No, that is not tomato sauce.

No, non è salsa di pomodoro.

Ouch!

Ohi!

Would you mind not stabbing me again?

Ti dispiacerebbe non mi accoltellamento di nuovo?

Ouch!

Ohi!

Yes, I would like to go to the hospital.

Sì, vorrei andare in ospedale.

What do you mean I have to settle my bill first?

Cosa vuol dire che devo saldare il conto prima?

Why is it suddenly getting dark?

Perché è improvvisamente buio?

Oh no.

Ah no.

Thud.

Tonfo.

Join us for our next Lessons In Language And Communications And Talking To People when we will be featuring Japanese. Here is a sample:

Look, vending machines!

Jidō hanbai-ki, mite!

Ew, vending machines.

EW, jidō hanbai-ki.

 

 

 

 

Backward Learning With Skyler Banned

Skyler

For many of us, there's a person that exists in our mind, and only our mind. This is a person who is the product of our deepest desires. This is a person, for many of us, who we may never meet and feel a loss for having never done so. I know who this person is in my mind. I see her everyday. I see her perfectly sculpted legs, her long luxurious hair, her breathtaking smile, I see her. Not only do I see her, I hear her. I hear her sweet golden voice, a voice that mesmerizes me like a Siren.

For many us, this person exists only in our minds, never in reality. Never in the reality of our cold, dark, infinitely depressing world. However, for some fortunate people, this person enters reality, our reality. For the fortunate, this person comes into our lives, and our lives are forever lifted because of it. Such is the case for me.

I went to a place I have gone to before. Usually when I come to this place, I stay there for a period of time and leave rather unsatisfied. This was not to be one of those times. I went to this place and did not spend long there, for I did not have to. Mere minutes after entering this place, I ran straight into a person. The person. The person that only exists in my mind.

We talked for a little bit. Actually, she first engaged in conversation with me. There are no words to describe how much of an impact that had with me. We talked about work, where I crafted a bit on a non-truth about my actual employment, music, where I feigned interest in Chris Cornell, and dress, namely her stunning, stunning top.

Then she said something. Words. The words. The words that forever altered the relationship between myself and the woman who personified my deepest desires.

"So, lapdances are $20, that is for one song, but you can pay for more. There's also the private room. That lasts for a half hour and costs $145. Are you interested?"



Do We Never Learn?

Last year I read a book by David Cullen entitled "Columbine". This book has been described by many as the most definitive report on the Columbine Massacre that has been compiled. As the events that happened in Columbine, Colorado serve as the event with the most impact on my life and my country before I graduated High School, I read this book wanting to learn.

In "Columbine", Mr. Cullen gives a detailed account of the misinformation that was spread around in the days, weeks, and years after the Columbine Massacre. Mr. Cullen talks of news commentators, politicians, musicians, clergy, and ordinary people and what those people learned, said, and did. Mr. Cullen also details how that misinformation affected and still effects the reactions to that massacre.

As I am seeing coverage from the various news outlets that I get my information from, I'm seeing a similar thing happening in relation to the events in Norway on Sunday. Do we never learn?



Backward Outrage

One night I was driving home and I saw something that disturbed me. I pulled up to a light, at the time time someone else pulled into the light in the left turn lane. As I looked around while waiting for the light to change, which I usually do at lights because I am bored, I noticed that the guy in the left turn lane was rolling backward. This concerned me, as it would most people, for I thought that the guy driving the car might be having car trouble. However, the person driving the car didn't seem concerned. Then I realized what he was doing.

The intersection I was sitting at was one fitted with sensors to monitor traffic flow. If there is a lot of cars waiting at one direction of the intersection and not a lot waiting in the other direction of the intersection, the sensors will sense this situation and adjust the traffic lights accordingly. At this intersection there are sensors on the lights and under the asphalt at the intersection. If there are two or more cars at this intersection, or if there is a car on the part of the asphalt where the sensor is, the sensor will go off and adjust the light.

The guy in the left turn lane was rolling backward so that he would set off the sensor embedded in the asphalt in the intersection, ensuring that when the light changed he would get a protected left turn signal. If this isn't illegal it should be.



I'm A Stupid Cat





Happy Birthday!!!... Where Are You

Julia Diana Bobbi walks into the offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America with a box in her hands. She sees Hunter Red's secretary Liz and starts talking to her.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Good morning Liz.
Liz- Good morning Julia. What's that you got there?
Julia Diana Bobbi- It's a box.

Liz is not amused by this.

Liz- What is in the box?
Julia Diana Bobbi- Well, you know how Hunter's been down lately?
Liz- Hunter hasn't been down lately, that's how he normally is.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Well, I thought I'd lift his spirits.
Liz- How?
Julia Diana Bobbi- Today's his birthday, right?
Liz- Yes.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Don't you think Hunter would like a piece of birthday cake on his birthday?
Liz- Assuming it's cheesecake, sure. There's just one problem.
Julia Diana Bobbi- What's that?
Liz- Hunter isn't here today.
Julia Diana Bobbi- He's not?
Liz- No.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Where is he?


This is when Rodger Red pokes his head out of his office and into the general office area.

Rodger Red- He's in Vegas.
Julia Diana Bobbi- What?
Rodger Red- Hunter is in Las Vegas. He goes down every year on his birthday to get blackout drunk and have random sluts grind on junk.

Julia is puzzled by this.

Julia Diana Bobbi- But he can do that here, why did Hunter go to Vegas to have that done?
Liz- He can't bet on the Red Sox here.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Oh, I see.

There is a short pause.

Julia Diana Bobbi- So, what am I going to do with this cake?
Rodger Red- Might I suggest eating it?
Julia Diana Bobbi- Sure, we could do that, but wouldn't Hunter be offended that we didn't make a big deal of his birthday.
Liz- He'd probably prefer we not acknowledge that he's getting older.
Rodger Red- Besides, if he's anything like his father and if Hunter is back drinking again, he'll probably be unable to remember anything that goes on.
Julia Diana Bobbi- So, what are we going to do about it?

Liz and Rodger look befuddled.

Liz- Do? Honey, we can't do anything to help him.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Don't tell me you two have given up on him?
Rodger Red- Julia, your optimism is cute but your naivety is annoying.
Julia Diana Bobbi- Is it so wrong to think that anyone can be redeemed?
Rodger Red- Yes. Some people can't be helped untill they decide to help themselves.
Julia Diana Bobbi- But, can't there be people along the way showing those people the way, showing them that there are people who, at the very least, care?
Liz- Julia, why don't you just go back to work. I'm sure there's another episode of The Red Question that needs to be planned.

Julia, with evident hesitation, takes the cake box and goes into her office and closes the door. Once inside, she sits in her office chair, faces the window, and begins speaking.

Julia Diana Bobbi- I don't understand them sometimes. I don't. The world is not as negative as they make it out to be. Hunter can be redeemed, there just has to be effort. It can't be one sided, others have to be willing to help. I know I am. (Heavy sigh) I wonder where Hunter is now.


END SCENE



List Of Banned Words

In the interest of keeping everything clean, the following words have been banned for use in the comments section of any blog composed by any employee of The Redertainment Corporation Of America.

AARDVARK AARDWOLF AARON ABA ABA ABA ABACUS ABALONE ABARKA ABATEMENT WORKER ABAYA ABBESS ABBEY ABBOT ABDOMEN ABETTOR ABIABA ABI ABODE A-BOMB SHELTER ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN ABOMINATION ABOYNE SKIRT ABRAHAM LINCOLN ABSCISSIN ABSCONDER ABSOLUTIST ABTEN ABUTMENT ABYSS ABYSSINIA ABYSSINIAN CA ABYSSINIAN PI AC ACACIA ACACIA SEED ACACIA TREE ACADEMIC ACADEMICAL DRESS ACADEMICALS ACADEMIC CAP ACADEMIC DRESS ACADEMIC GOWN ACADEMIC REGALIA ACADEMY ACAI ACAI BERRY ACAI PALM ACAPNOTIC ACARICID AC CABLE ACCENSOR ACCENTOR ACCENT PILLOW
ACCESS CHAMBER ACCESSORY ACCOMMODATION ACCOMPLICE ACCORDION ACCORDION BUS ACCOUNTANT ACCUSER ACE ACEDIAST ACEPHALIST ACEPROMAZINE ACEROLA ACERSECOMIC ACETABULU ACETALDEHYDE ACETAMIDE ACETAMINOPHEN ACETIC ANHYDRIDE ACETOMETER ACETONE ACETONE PEROXIDE ACETYLENE ACHAR ACHEE ACHELOUSAURUS ACHENE ACHERI ACHILLES TENDON ACHOCHA ACHOKCHA ACHOR ACHRONITE ACICULA ACID ACID DESCALE ACIPENSE ACKEE ACOG SCOPE ACOLYTE ACONITE ACONITUM ACORN ACORN JELLY ACORN SQUASH ACORN TREE ACOUMETER ACOUSTIC BASS GUITAR ACOUSTIC GUITAR ACRAEIN ACREAGE ACROBAT ACROCANTHOSAURUS ACROGEN ACROLEIN ACROLITH ACRONY ACROPODIUM ACROPOLIS ACROSPIRE ACRYLAMIDE ACRYLIC ACRYLONITRILE ACTAEA ACTAME ACTINIDE ACTINIUM ACTINOGRAPH ACTINOMETE ACTION FIGURE ACTIVIST ACTOR ACTRESS ACTUARY ACUPUNCTURIST ADAM ADAM ADAMANTIUM ADAM'S APPLE ADAPTER ADDER ADDRESS BOOK ADEMONIST ADENOMA ADEQUAN ADESPOTON ADHERENT ADHESIVE ADIABOLIST ADIT ADJUNCT ADJUTAN ADJUVANT ADMINICLE ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANT

More words to be revealed over the next weeks and months.

I Spit On Your Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day At The Redertainment Corporation Of America

It's Valentine's Day at the official offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. A camera on a track slowly rolls through the offices, seeing each of the employees and what they are doing on this very special day. The first employee seen is the President of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, Rodger Red.

Rodger Red is sitting at his desk holding a framed picture and drinking some scotch.

Rodger Red- There are many days that I think of you, my beloved Joan. Why the good Lord took you away from me, I'll never know, but I will always treasure the decades we shared together, and the eternity that we will share in heaven.

Rodger finishes off his glass of scotch as the camera continues rolling toward Julia Diana Bobbi's office.

Julia Diana Bobbi is sitting at her desk talking to someone on the phone. There are a dozen roses sitting on her left side and a small package sitting on her right.

Julia Diana Bobbi- Yes, John, I received them just now. They are lovely, thank you.

Julia listens to the phone a little more.

Julia Diana Bobbi- You want me to open it now, instead of waiting for dinner? Okay.

Julia opens the package. She pulls out what's inside.

Julia Diana Bobbi- John, I like the material of this thing, but what am I supposed to do with a slingshot?

The package did not contain a slingshot, it contained a pair of thong underwear. Julia has this puzzled look on her face as the camera leaves her office and continues rolling along to LIz's desk. Liz is busy typing along on her computer when a pair of kids come and attack her.

Kids- Happy Valentine's Day Grandma!

They are Liz's grandchildren. Liz's daughter, Jenna, has brought the grandchildren over bearing cards, candy, and cute stuffed animals.

Liz- Why thank you kids. It's so good to see you. Now, who wants some chocolate?

Kids- Me! Me! Me!

Liz and the Kids begin to dig into the chocolates as the camera continues rolling along. The last employee of The Redertainment Corporation Of America seen is Hunter Red. His office is dark, with only his computer providing any light in his office. Hunter is sad.

Hunter- You know, on days like this, I used to be able to drink myself into a stupor. Now that I'm dealing with my alcoholism in a responsible manner, I can't really do that. But still, how can I escape this day of misery for all the unfortunately single?

Hunter looks on his desk.

Hunter- Look, I have mail.

Hunter goes through his mail.

Hunter- Look, I got Netflix.

Hunter opens his Netflix envelope.

Hunter- Look, I got I Spit On Your Grave.

Hunter Red looks at the camera with a devilish look on his face.

Hunter Red- Happy Valentine's Day.

END SCENE

Red Review: I Spit On Your Grave

One of the best movies I've ever seen is 13 Tzameti. It's a 2005 French black and white suspense film, a remake of which is set for a March 13th release date. As a viewer, you spent most of the film asking where the characters are going and what they are going to do when they get there. Once the characters get to the place they're going to, the rest of the film is spent hoping that the characters survive what they've gotten themselves into. What makes 13 Tzameti great isn't what you know, it's what you don't know, it's what the filmmakers don't show you.

The makers of I Spit On Your Grave take an almost opposite approach to their film. They show you everything. Everything. EVERYTHING. All of the worst parts of human behavior is on display in this film, every detail of it. All of it. All. The amount of detail in this film is at times hard to watch. The worst part of this film is that there isn't any lift to it. This movie is creepy from start to finish. I'd be different if this film started from a good place and devolved into what it is, but it doesn't. About the only positive thing about this movie is that the victim gets her revenge in the end. It's a brutal, graphic, grotesque revenge, but it is revenge.

I Spit On Your Grave: Not Recommended, unless you really, REALLY, want to watch something fucked up

Red Returns

Red Returns

It is Monday, and Hunter Red is making his return to the offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. As he enters the building, he runs into the security officer of The Official Offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America, a man named 5toz Orgy.

5toz- Hunter!
Hunter- Toz, my man.

The two share a friendly hug.

5toz- How ya doing my man.
Hunter- Not bad, you?
5toz- Can't complain, can't complain.
Hunter- Yeah. What about this snow man?
5toz- I know. My kids and I had a blast making snow forts and snow angels yesterday.

Just then, a woman, pictured above, enters The Official Offices and approaches 5toz and Hunter and says-

Woman- Excuse me, I wondering if you can help me. I'm looking for The Redertainment Corporation Of America.
5toz- You found it.
Woman- Oh good. I've been wandering around, lost in this wind and cold, looking for this place.
Hunter- Yeah, this building is rather hard to find, unless you're told exactly where it is. Even then it's a crap shoot.
Woman- Are you Rodger Red? I'm supposed to be meeting with him right now.
Hunter- No, I'm Hunter. Rodger is upstairs.
Woman- Oh thank you. I'm Julia.
Hunter- Nice to meet you.
5toz- Well, I'm going to let you two go.
Hunter- Yeah, have fun today man.
5toz- You too.

Hunter and Julia make their way to the elevator. Upon entering the elevator, they are met with muzak. Julia gets a weird look on her face upon hearing it.

Julia- What is this?
Hunter- It's muzak.
Julia- Yeah, but this muzak sound funny.
Hunter- It's Dethklok muzak.
Julia- What's Dethklok?
Hunter- It's this metal band that totally brutal, unabashedly kick ass, and totally fake.
Julia- Fake?
Hunter- Yeah. Have you never heard of Dethklok?
Julia- No, I usually stick to more mellow music, like Dido and Kylie Minogue.
Hunter- Oh.

The elevator opens to the work offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America.

Hunter- Okay, just check in with the receptionist, Liz, over there. If you have a meeting with Rodger, she should be expecting you.

Hunter and Julia part ways as Hunter goes into his office. Hunter turns on the lights of his office, looks around for a bit, then says-

Hunter- Where's my computer?
Rodger(In the work office area)- Hunter, Anthony, come out here, I want to introduce someone to you.

Hunter steps out of his office and is met by Anthony, pictured above.

Hunter- Anthony.
Anthony- Hunter.
Hunter- Do you know what happened to my computer?
Anthony- I assumed you weren't coming back, so I took it out of your office.
Hunter- What made you think I wasn't coming back?
Anthony- You were gone for three weeks.
Hunter- Yeah but I was still working. Also, if I wasn't coming back, why would I leave all my video game figurines here?

Rodger, pictured above, grabs Hunter and Anthony's attention.

Rodger- Excuse me. I thought I'd call you out here to introduce to you the newest employee at The Redertainment Corporation Of America, Julua Diana Bobbi.
Julia- Hello.
Anthony- Hey, that's great. Is she going to be my secretary?
Rodger- No, she's a writer and a television host.
Anthony- And I'm sure she can make a great cup of coffee.

Rodger is visibly annoyed by this comment from Anthony.

Rodger- I was going to do this privately, but since you're insistent on disrespecting our new employee, I have another announcement.
Anthony- What's that?
Rodger(To Anthony)- You're fired.

Anthony is visibly shocked by this.

Anthony- I'm fired?
Rodger- Yes.
Anthony- Me?
Rodger- Yes, you Anthony Severe.
Anthony- But- but- but-
Hunter- Does this mean I can walk right into Anthony's office and take back my computer?
Rodger- Yes, but it's no longer Anthony's office, it's Julia's.
Julia- Wow, I get my own office?
Hunter- Everyone gets their own office. Even Liz has an office for- Wait, what do you do in your office, Liz?
Liz- Nothing much. My office mostly houses my shrine to Don Draper.
Anthony(Getting audibly angry)- Wait a damn minute! If you're going to fire me in this public setting, then I am going to demand to know why, in this public setting, why I am getting fired.
Rodger- Theft of office supplies.

Anthony is confused by this.

Anthony- Because I took Hunter's computer out of his office?
Rodger- No, because when I was over at your house for that wine tasting the other night, I saw a box of Official Redertainment Corporation Of America branded pens on the desk in your office.
Anthony- What were you doing in my office?
Rodger- I was looking for a pen. Anyway, what was twenty minutes is now fifteen. Get to getting out, Anthony.

Anthony storms off angrily while Rodger goes back into his office.

Julia(To Hunter)- So should I wait untill Anthony clears out before I go in his office?
Hunter- Probably. He might start indiscriminately tearing shit up, so it might take a couple of days to clean up.
Julia- Okay. By the way, could you not swear around me. I'm conservative and a Mormon.

Julia walks into Rodger's office to discuss her employment. Hunter gets a weird look on his face.

Hunter- This should be fun.

END SCENE



The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards: Nomination Special

The nomination process is now open for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards, and you the reader can participate! Simply submit your winner in any, or all, of the catagories listed below. You can even submit the reason why you think your choice should win. Nominations for The Third Annual Four Star Gaming Awards will close on Monday, December 20th, with the award ceremony scheduled for Monday, December 27th. You can submit your winner to the following places:

Twitter: @Redertainment
Facebook: Send a message to Hunter Red
Email: redertainment@live.com
Or submit a comment or reply wherever you are reading this.

Award Categories
Game Of The Year
Xbox 360 Game Of The Year
Playstation 3 Game Of The Year
Nintendo Wii Game Of The Year
Downloadable Game Of The Year
Biggest Gaming Disappointment Of The Year
Best New IP Of The Year
Non-Gaming Thing Most Deserving Of An Award