Scientist working at the Kinneas Institute For Useless Surveys have discovered something truly incredible and groundbreaking. The amount of people identified as "socially retarded" that go outside into the sunlight on a regular basis has increased an astonishing 159% in the past year. These scientists attribute the rise in the socially retarded going outside during the day to the recent upsurge in the sales of large padded headphones and the installation of self service checkout lines in many grocery stores, home furnishing chalets, and pornography huts.
Dr. Jenna Burns gave us a lengthy quote about this phenomena that we pared down into this blurb.
"Before this surge, the socially retarded mainly went outside of their homes during the nighttime, only venturing out during the daylight when their supply of Doritos, Coca-Cola, and video games ran out. Now, more and more, these pasty, anti-stylish monogoloids are seen walking in places where the general public congregates. It's truly a great thing to see these creatures we once only studied in text books and on slide reels."
When asked about this development, this is the responses from the socially retarded persons we attempted to talk to:
"Huh?"
"What?"
"I didn't hear you."
"What do you care?"
"I'm just-- fuck it."
We look forward to this trend continuing, as well as learning what the general public's response is to learning that these people exist and are in large numbers. Here's hoping this story does not result in the socially retarded retreating into their reality bunkers.
Facepalm
On Monday I received a letter in the mail from the Democratic National Committee. The front of the letter read "Enclosed: 2012 Presidential Election Poll". Being the blatant skeptic that I am, I assumed this "Poll" was a front to get me to contribute to the DNC. I've received letters like this in the past and I've contributed in the past. However, as my economic priorities have shifted in the past year, I was less inclined to contribute to this, or any, political cause. That being said, I did open this envelope to see if the DNC could deliver to me a convincing argument to contribute. This is what I received.
(I covered up certain things to prevent posting my address online.)
I received a letter from Patrick Gaspard, Executive Director of the DNC, the 2012 Presidential Poll, and a third piece of paper entitled "9 Potential Republican Presidential Candidates". The focus of what was sent to me was the Republican party, the major people in the Republican party, and the agenda they represent. The message behind this letter was that the DNC was gearing up to, quoting from the letter, "...to keep the Republicans out of the White House in 2012..."
This letter was a major disappointment to me. This is not the message I want to hear out of the Democratic National Committee. This is not what I want out of the American political environment. What I want is more of a focus on the positive. I want the DNC to tell the people about the good things they have done, and the good things they want to do. I want the major parties in this country to pull the current state of politics out of the gutter that it seems to be stuck in.
Before this letter, I was not going to contribute to the Democratic National Committee. After this letter, I am definitely not contributing to the Democratic National Committee. I will still vote, as I feel that voting is the best way that I can attempt to create the change that I seek. However, I will not be contributing my money to any political institution untill I see a concerned effort to change the political environment in this country. I want to see change. Desperately, I want to see change.
More Works For You To Ignore
As of whenever I bothered to do it, the collective works of renowned writer, satirist, and ladies man Hunter Red are now available for you to ignore on Amazon, Kindle, and Nook. They're also available to download for free but, as dead anarchist once said, "If you're good at something never do it for free."
The Hawk
Take your normal superhero origin story. Guy gets powers, guy realizes he has powers, guy goes out to save the world. Now factor this in: the guy has a score to settle.
Amazon
Kindle
Nook
Dropbox: Word File
Dropbox: PDF File
The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust
Everybody wonders what it is that makes them who they are. The Hawk thought that question was securely answered. However a meeting with a boy in a hospital causes him to question everything. Why he is, who he is, what he is, and even if he is.
Kindle
Nook
Dropbox: Word File
Dropbox: PDF File
The Black Robin Christmas Carol
In every workplace there is a person. A person who doesn't talk to anyone, has walled themselves socially, and seems openly hostile to everyone. Every workplace has this person, even if you don't know of such a person, they're there. The Black Robin Christmas Carol is the story of one of these people. It delves into who this person is, why this person is, and how this person can change for the better.
Amazon
Kindle
Nook
Dropbox: Word File
Dropbox: PDF File
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