A couple of times in the past I have answered questions that I find in magazines, mainly from Cosmo and other magazines geared toward women, that tweek gender roles and sexual mores. This time I have chosen to answer question from the April 2014 issue of Maxim magazine. The issue is on newsstands now, and I will be providing the page number the question is on if you want to follow along at home. I won't be answering questions that are specifically tailored for the person that is the subject of the article, but I will be answering questions no matter how uncomfortable that questions makes you. The questions don't make me uncomfortable, but I enjoy making my audience squirm.
Get To Know... Lydia Hearst (pg.11)
Hometowns: West Valley City and Kearns, Utah
Astrological Sign: Leo
Job: Alleged Writer
Pets: None
I can whoop any guy's ass in: Nothing
The last thing that made me LOL was: Conan. I'm watching it as I answer these questions.
The worst words in the universe are: Politician, bossy, Zucker
The most embarassing song on my iPod is: I am not embarassed by anything on my iPod. Just don't ask about my collection of songs by Janet Jackson, Phil Collins, and the Spice Girls.
The worst pickup line I ever heard was: Delivered by me
A guy is more likely to get lucky with me if he: Is a woman and a brunette.
My spirit animal is: Kerry Jackson
Amazing Grace (pg. 53)
What advice would you give to guys who are nervous about buying lingerie for their girlfriends?
Gift cards. Yes it's impersonal and may be a little too suggestive, depending on the girl, but that is better than buying a piece of clothing that in no way fits the person you are buying it for. Besides, a gift card allows the person you're buying it for to be creative, and creativity is attractive.
Have you ever gotten lingerie as a gift?
No.
What asset do you like to show off the most?
My hair. I wasn't really comfortable with my hair untill I started growing it out, and now I really like it. Not only that, I'm getting positive remarks on my hair for the first time in my life.
What's your favorite style?
I prefer a minimalism approach. Nothing too complicated, something simple, unencumbered, and not too flashy.
Is the fancy stuff just for special occasions, or would you pull it out during the week?
I don't have much of anything that is particularly fancy, so I do have to save it for special occasions. The only way that I engage in constant indulgence is with Rubi, my big fucking SUV.
Were you ever in a situations where a guy couldn't get a complicated piece of lingerie off?
No, but I've never been presented with a situation that involves a complicated piece of lingerie. Then again, if the lingerie in question is designed to be complicated, perhaps the lingerie is also designed to not be taken off.
Hot Sauce (pg. 88)
Is it weird for men to post selfies?
It is my opinion that, after Ellen's selfie at the Oscars, selfies are starting to fall out of style. So, take as many selfies as you can before they go the way of planking.
I'm in my 20s. Is it ridiculous fo me to get braces?
No. What is ridiculous is your use of the word "fo". Fo real.
How can I make my mom stop posting dumb stuff on Facebook?
When I figure it out, I'll let you know.
Are beepers still around?
Yes, although most people refer to it as texting.
What's one thing girls wish guys wouldn't wear?
Their underwear. This isn't me saying it's wrong for men to wear underwear designed for women, this is me saying that people in general shouldn't wear underwear that isn't there's.
Where should you never take a girl on a first date?
McDonald's. You're trying to make a first impression on the girl, and going out to McDonald's never leaves a good first impression. Or second impression. Or any impression. Fo real.
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