Reexamining The Appeal Of The Damning Of Denial

The following is a statement I made in front of the Utah House Environmental Affairs Committee in favor of House Bill 8675309.  Don't believe me?  LOOK IT UP!

For many years, I have been a fan of Victoria's Secret.  More specifically, I have been a fan of their ads.  Victoria's Secret ads are always guaranteed to make me stop and intently watch.

Most men, and several women, are fans of the advertisements put out by Victoria's Secret.  Most people attribute the appeal of these ads to the very fact that they feature some of the most beautiful women in the world in some of the most revealing clothing in the world.  Some people attribute the appeal to people's love of fashion.  They are wrong.

For years, I attributed my liking of Victoria's Secret ads to the same reasons that everyone else does.  Recently I've been reexamining why Victoria's Secret ads appeal to me.  This is due to this commercial.

This is an advertisement for Electronic Art's alleged video game Sim City.  This ad features Adam Devine in the role of the mayor... in his underwear.  You can see quite prominently Adam Devine's tighty-whities when he's sitting on the desk in front of the camera.

What struck me about this ad is the effect it had on me.  When I am skipping through commercials, as I always do and have done for years, and I fall upon a fragment of any of the new Sim City ads, I stop skipping.  I stop and intently watch, just like I do with the Victoria's Secret television ads.

The similar response I have to both of these ads have caused me to reexamine my behavior as it relates to these ads.  After some thorough soul searching, which is quite hard since I am a Ginger, I have discovered my true reasons for my intent watching of Victoria's Secret ads.  Denial.

Denial is a major north-flowing river in northeastern Africa, generally regarded as the longest river in the world.  It is 6,650 km long. Denial is an "international" river as its water resources are shared by eleven countries, namely, Tanzania, Uganda, Rwanda, Burundi, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Kenya, Ethiopia, Eritrea, South Sudan, Sudan and Egypt.  In particular, Denial provides the primary water resource and so it is the life artery for its downstream countries such as Egypt and Sudan. 

Denial is something that I suspect will continue to have a great effect on my life.  Untill such point that we construct a dam to more adequately control the flow of denial, this mighty force will continue to have a great effect on me and the people around me.  The construction of such a dam will be costly, but will also have a great benefit to the community.  The hydrological power that can be generated with the damning of denial can fuel our community's further growth.  Also, the great reservoir that will come with the damning of denial will provide a recreation opportunity for our residents, as well as possible tourism income.  All these reasons and more are why I urge you to vote for the construction of the dam of denial.  Thank you.

Cash Rules Everything Around Sim City

WHERETHEFUCKISTHEGODDAMNGAMEIGODDAMMNEDPAIDFORGODDAMNIT!!!

On Tuesday, the newest version of Electronic Arts's Sim City franchise was scheduled for release.  Millions of fans of city planning simulations waited patiently online for the game to finally be made available.  At midnight, Sim City was released, and almost immediately people started bitching on the world's favorite place to bitch, Twitter.  Rather than complaining about the game, as most gamers do when anything is released, consumers were complaining about not being able to get the game.

These complaints about availability are of a different nature than the complaints made about most games.  Electronic Arts made the decision to distribute the latest Sim City game digitally.  Even physical copies of the new Sim City did not contain the game, rather the physical copies contained a program for the user to download EA's digital distribution service, Origin.  Other companies have utilized a digital distribution method to disseminate major video game releases, and on paper it works.  However, it appears that digital distribution of a major video game release is a concept that resembles communism, supply-side economics, and politics: It looks good on paper, but problems arise when it is actually applied to people.

On Midnight of the game release, a flood of people tried to download Sim City at once.  The resultant overload of the game's digital servers caused the servers to become unavailable to consumers.  Unavailability of the game that they paid good money for caused many consumers to rage out against the game's publishers, the distribution method utilized by the game's publishers, the consumer's ISPs, random people on the street, and, for some unknown reason, President Obama.

Some users took their outrage a bit too far.  On Day 1 of the GODDAMMNSIMCITYBEINGOFFLINESONOFABITCH Crisis, otherwise known as Tuesday, a fire broke out at a grail silo on property owned by the FLDS Church in Custer County, South Dakota.  Although first reported by members of the community to be the working of "An apostate who means harm to our way of life", Custer County Sheriffs later identified thirty-one year old Watford resident Hal Abell as being responsible for the fire.  When asked for a reason for setting the fire, Mr. Abell was only heard to say, "I paid good money to be mayor of Simville, I want what I paid for goddamnit!"

It is unknown when normal stable will be restored to the players of Sim City.  We can only hope that a further outage doesn't cause an outburst like the one seen when the Fox series Traffic Light was cancelled.  We don't need to see another revolution in Libya.

C.R.E.A.E.A.

As was mentioned earlier, when Electronic Arts's latest version of Sim City was released, the physical release included a physical disc.  The physical disc, rather than including the game, included a program to download EA's digital distribution platform, Origin.  It is through Origin, and only through Origin, that the latest Sim City game is to be distributed.  So why include a physical disc at all?

This question was asked to Electronic Arts's public relations department.  Rather than suppling us with a less than adequate response, our question was given to EA's Green Initiative Director, Gabriel Nelson, pictured above.  When asked about why a physical disc was included in the physical edition of Sim City, even though the need for one is not really necessary, Mr. Nelson said:

We included a physical disc with the physical edition of Sim City as an aid to our consumers.  Many of the people who play Sim City are not as technologically adept as the typical hardcore gamer.  It is to those consumer's benefit that we include a physical disc with the physical edition of Sim City.

When it was pointed out that many of these consumers could easily follow clearly written instructions as to how to obtain the game digitally, Mr. Green said:

I understand your concern, but my job is not to eliminate avenues for consumers to obtain our products.  My job is to increase the amount of green that our company con obtain.

When asked what he meant by "green", Mr. Nelson said:

Green.  You know, the colour money is?  Yes, money is of paramount important to us.  Cash rules everything around Electronic Arts.

This Guy Claims To Represent Me

On Tuesday, it was announced that first term Utah Republican Representative Christopher Stewart was tabbed to be the chairman of the House Environmental Subcommittee.  In a statement, Representative Stewart said this about the appointment:

FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT!

jk