Cash Rules Everything Around Sim City

WHERETHEFUCKISTHEGODDAMNGAMEIGODDAMMNEDPAIDFORGODDAMNIT!!!

On Tuesday, the newest version of Electronic Arts's Sim City franchise was scheduled for release.  Millions of fans of city planning simulations waited patiently online for the game to finally be made available.  At midnight, Sim City was released, and almost immediately people started bitching on the world's favorite place to bitch, Twitter.  Rather than complaining about the game, as most gamers do when anything is released, consumers were complaining about not being able to get the game.

These complaints about availability are of a different nature than the complaints made about most games.  Electronic Arts made the decision to distribute the latest Sim City game digitally.  Even physical copies of the new Sim City did not contain the game, rather the physical copies contained a program for the user to download EA's digital distribution service, Origin.  Other companies have utilized a digital distribution method to disseminate major video game releases, and on paper it works.  However, it appears that digital distribution of a major video game release is a concept that resembles communism, supply-side economics, and politics: It looks good on paper, but problems arise when it is actually applied to people.

On Midnight of the game release, a flood of people tried to download Sim City at once.  The resultant overload of the game's digital servers caused the servers to become unavailable to consumers.  Unavailability of the game that they paid good money for caused many consumers to rage out against the game's publishers, the distribution method utilized by the game's publishers, the consumer's ISPs, random people on the street, and, for some unknown reason, President Obama.

Some users took their outrage a bit too far.  On Day 1 of the GODDAMMNSIMCITYBEINGOFFLINESONOFABITCH Crisis, otherwise known as Tuesday, a fire broke out at a grail silo on property owned by the FLDS Church in Custer County, South Dakota.  Although first reported by members of the community to be the working of "An apostate who means harm to our way of life", Custer County Sheriffs later identified thirty-one year old Watford resident Hal Abell as being responsible for the fire.  When asked for a reason for setting the fire, Mr. Abell was only heard to say, "I paid good money to be mayor of Simville, I want what I paid for goddamnit!"

It is unknown when normal stable will be restored to the players of Sim City.  We can only hope that a further outage doesn't cause an outburst like the one seen when the Fox series Traffic Light was cancelled.  We don't need to see another revolution in Libya.

C.R.E.A.E.A.

As was mentioned earlier, when Electronic Arts's latest version of Sim City was released, the physical release included a physical disc.  The physical disc, rather than including the game, included a program to download EA's digital distribution platform, Origin.  It is through Origin, and only through Origin, that the latest Sim City game is to be distributed.  So why include a physical disc at all?

This question was asked to Electronic Arts's public relations department.  Rather than suppling us with a less than adequate response, our question was given to EA's Green Initiative Director, Gabriel Nelson, pictured above.  When asked about why a physical disc was included in the physical edition of Sim City, even though the need for one is not really necessary, Mr. Nelson said:

We included a physical disc with the physical edition of Sim City as an aid to our consumers.  Many of the people who play Sim City are not as technologically adept as the typical hardcore gamer.  It is to those consumer's benefit that we include a physical disc with the physical edition of Sim City.

When it was pointed out that many of these consumers could easily follow clearly written instructions as to how to obtain the game digitally, Mr. Green said:

I understand your concern, but my job is not to eliminate avenues for consumers to obtain our products.  My job is to increase the amount of green that our company con obtain.

When asked what he meant by "green", Mr. Nelson said:

Green.  You know, the colour money is?  Yes, money is of paramount important to us.  Cash rules everything around Electronic Arts.

This Guy Claims To Represent Me

On Tuesday, it was announced that first term Utah Republican Representative Christopher Stewart was tabbed to be the chairman of the House Environmental Subcommittee.  In a statement, Representative Stewart said this about the appointment:

FUCK THE ENVIRONMENT!

jk