****- Distorted Impressions of Trent's Apple

Brutal Legend Demo Impressions

The following is a series of tweets I put out while playing the demo for Brutal Legend. @Redertainment

Beginning the Brutal Legend Demo now.9:09 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Jack Black swearing FTMFW!9:12 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

I am so buying the soundtrack to Brutal Legend. The game as well, but definitely the soundtrack.9:15 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

I haven't enjoyed a demo this much since the NBA Street demo. Awesome.9:21 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Dear Activision: You passed on Brutal Legend? YOU SUCK!9:24 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Have I mentioned recently that the Brutal Legend Demo is fucking awesome? It is, I've just been distracted by iTunes 9.0. Damn you Apple!9:41 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Dear EA: You have brought me three great gaming experiences this year. Tiger Woods, Mirror's Edge, and Dead Space. Make that four.9:44 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

How keep on saying "counterweights" as if that is supposed to help me. I don't know how to drop the counterweights!9:51 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

irweak. Looking up walkthrough9:57 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

@BobbyBlackwolf Scribblenauts? Nah, I'd rather play the Brutal Legend Demo. At least that game is awesome to play while drunk.10:06 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck in reply to BobbyBlackwolf

I think I found one. http://bit.ly/cAXqC 10:14 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Okay, I finished that part. It's amazing how simple that was. I really should have figured it out sooner.10:21 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Fully pauseable cutscenes FTW.10:21 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

It's over? You're right, I haven't seen shit, but I want to!10:22 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

I'm gonna play this again!10:23 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Just finished the Brutal Legend Demo again. Might go back for a third go around in the morning.10:45 PM Sep 21st from TweetDeck

Dear Apple:!!!

In this space originally was a complaint letter about some of the changes made in iTunes version 9.0, specifically the way podcasts were synced. However, on Saturday I downloaded a new version on iTunes that fixed the problem. So thanks Apple. You heard people bitching about something and fixed what they were bitching about. Things are good now.

Halo 3: Useless God Damn Acronym

Seifer Kinneas, President of the Redertainment Corporation Of America, is sitting in his office. Seifer presses a button on his desk and yells-

Seifer- (In a loud obnoxious tone) Hunter, get in here!
Hunter- Sir, you don’t have to yell through the intercom, it amplifies it for you.
Seifer- I like yelling so I will continue yelling.
Hunter- So, what do you need me for?
Seifer- You’re a video game nerd right?
H- Yes.
S- I need some help with this game I’m playing.
H- What is it?
S- Halo 3 Odst. (Seifer attempts to pronounce the acronym as an actual word.)
H- Odst?
S- Yes, Odst.
H- Sir, it’s an acronym. It’s pronounced O-D-S-T.
S- Okay, then I need you help with Halo 3 O-D-S-T.
H- Okay, what do you need help with?
S- I need you to teach me how not to suck at this game.
H- I can’t help you with that.
S- Why not?
H- I suck at Halo
Seifer looks at Hunter like Hunter had just said the most bizarre thing in the history of man.
S- But you’re a video game nerd.
H- Yes.
S- And you suck at Halo?
H- Yes.
S- But I thought all video game nerd were good at Halo?
H- Not me.
S- Why not?
H- I guess I don’t play Halo enough as I prefer games with good stories behind them.
S- But Odst does have a good story behind it. You see alien, you kill alien. What’s better than that?
H- I guess I need something more than that.
Siefer is visibly depressed at this.
S- Okay, you can leave then.
Hunter then walks out of Seifer’s office.
S- (In an obnoxious and loud tone.) Wait, come back!
Hunter walks back into Seifer’s office.
H- What?
S- What does O-D-S-T stand for?
H- Oh Damn this is the Shit Trent.
S- Okay, be gone with you.
Hunter walks out of Seifer’s office again. Seifer picks up the phone, dials, waits for someone to pick up, and says-
S- Hey Grandpa, you wanna play Halo 3 Oh Damn, this is the Shit Trent?
Siefer has this sincere looking smile on his face as the scene ends.

The Official Bullhorn of the Redertainment Corporation Of America

On Thursday, September 24th, 2009 the NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams broadcasted from Pittsburg, Pennsylvania, site of the most recent G-20 Summit. During the broadcast a protester on a bullhorn was heard in the background. Due to the dynamics of your garden variety bullhorn, the message the protester was trying to convey was distorted to the point that it was incomprehensible.

After diligent work in the audio labs at the Redertainment Corporation Of America, we have managed to decipher the message the protester was trying to convey. Here is an audio transcript of that message.

“Ladies and gentlemen, could I have your attention for a moment. I just want to take this opportunity to tell people how great this book I just read is. The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust, available for free at Redertainment.com.”

After that the protester kept repeating this message until the broadcast was finished. The identity of the protester is unknown at this point. However it is noteworthy that R.C.O.A. reporter Robin Anderson was out of the office on the day the protester was trying to convey their message. Miss Anderson’s whereabouts during this period is unknown at this point and a phone call to the offices of the Redertainment Corporation Of America, specifically extension 115, would be very much appreciated.

No comments: