****- Deer Caught In The Path Of A Broadway Hurricane

Laura Is Coming

Former First Lady of the United States Laura Bush is coming to Utah. She will be speaking at the 43rd annual Deer In The Headlight Convention at the Marriot Library at the University of Utah.

Activision Presents: Broadway Hero

Most everybody that plays video games has heard of Guitar Hero. If you haven’t you are seriously out of touch. The Guitar Hero franchise has branched out to DJ Hero, the long rumored Dance Hero, and the hotly anticipated Porno Hero. Now work had begun on a secret project that will take the Guitar Hero franchise into a different direction and expose the franchise to a new audience. That project will be revealed right now.

One of the iconic attractions of New York City is the Broadway Theater District. Broadway shows had a total revenue of $713.7 million in 2008 and contributed to NYC’s $32.1 billion tourism industry. Many of the most iconic works in the history of theater have appeared on Broadway. These shows include West Side Story, Hair, Spamalot, The Lion King, and The Producers.

Previous attempts to bring Broadway shows to the video game realm have been met with mixed results. An Atari 2600 version of Cats was met with a general consensus of “Dear God why?” Releases in this genre were sporadic, all but stopping after the release of Id’s Phantom of The Opera, a first person shooter built on the original Doom engine. Now Activision wants to revive this mercifully dead genre.

Broadway Hero will come with fourteen complete shows on the disc with another twenty-five lined up to be released via DLC. Broadway Hero will feature genuine audio from such Broadway stars as Judy Garland, Liza Minelli, and Nathan Lane. Gameplay is expected to be a mix of DDR and Lips with just a hint of the quest system found in World Of Warcraft. A firm release date has yet to be set for this game but expect Broadway Hero to ship with a game, two wireless mics, two dance pads, two pairs of dance shoes needed for tap dance numbers, and enough sushi to enable you to fake an illness just like Jeremy Piven. Retailers have priced Broadway Hero at somewhere between $275 and $325, depending on the quality of the tuna.

Broadway Hero: Don’t just watch the show, BE the show!

Fun With Polls!

With the current healthcare legislation being hotly debated on America’s Capitol Hill, we were curious what people actually think of being sick. We partnered with the non-partisan group Poles For Polls to get a real handle on what real Americans really think about this real issue. Really.

We surveyed 113,497 people online over the course of the past week. Although we got responses from across the country, a surprising number of respondents were centered at 274 West Newberry St., Ft, Collins, Colorado. No one is sure as to why.

Of those that responded, 74% said that they “Absolutely And COMPLETELY Disliked” being sick. 20% responded that they “Disliked Being Sick”, while only 5% responded “Other”.

Remarkably only .00000881% of the respondents said that they actually liked being sick. This amounts to only one respondent having this viewpoint. We managed to track down this respondent. She is 49 year old Sylvia Earle, who asked to remain anonymous. The anonymous Miss Earle said of her response, “Being sick is the only way I can get that male nurse to pay any attention to me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for my fully nude sponge bath.”

It is unknown how this poll will affect the debate over health care reform. Influential Republican senator Chuck Grassley, pictured above, said of this poll, “If we gave a damn about what people think do you think we’d be here right now?” Democratic representative Jim Matheson said, “There is only one thing that I know for certain: My G-string is full of money from the health care industry. By the way, is that thing on?”

Unfortunately the currently pending health care legislation is expected to fail shortly before Congress leaves for their Christmas break on November 20th. The health insurance industry is expected to hold on orgy to celebrate its demise. They will not be paying for this orgy, you will.

Really Easy Joke

Rick becomes Pacific hurricane off Mexico

I have a real problem with this story. I know that it’s extremely easy but easy jokes are not the most satisfying ones. If you want to make a fat joke about someone, it is not tasteful to say they are a hurricane. Seriously, get creative people.

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