****- A Farcical Scheme: I

A Farcical Scheme

Before you read this, let me be clear, this is fiction. It contains elements and ideas that are currently in the world but this is fiction. I have no proof that the central idea in this is actually being executed, it’s just an interesting idea I had that I just had to express. Also, this is a three part blog post, being put up on Sunday, Wednesday, and Friday. When I started writing this in this style I knew it was going to be long. So, rather than cut it short or put it on Skydrive for no one to read, I chose to break it up into pieces. I feel it is better this way even if you don’t. Enjoy!

The Beginning

Ralph W. Allred High School in Shermer, Illinois is a high school like any other. It has your typical mix of jocks, nerds, preps, outcasts, stoners, straightedgers, Goths, religious people, and any other kind of student that you interacted with, blatantly ignored, or were in high school.

Like any other high school, Allred High holds annual democratic elections to determine which students will fill the student leadership positions. The Allred High student leadership is like any other high school student leadership: they think they have power even though they really don’t and revel in their faux power.

One of the former Allred High Student Body Presidents is Prescott Fern. Prescott Fern’s term as president was not at all positive. Some would claim it to be the worst presidency in their memory, even though their memory only goes back a couple of years. However, Prescott Fern’s presidency is remembered more for its failures than its successes.

A couple of weeks into Fern’s term two large trucks crashed into the school. At first it was assumed that the Goths were responsible for this because all Goths want to commit suicide, but after a thorough investigation it was found that the religious people were responsible for the accident. The reason the religious people went through with the accident was because they wanted to destroy the science labs. Fortunately or unfortunately depending on your perspective, the science labs were on the opposite side of the building they attacked. After the investigation was complete, Prescott continued to blame the Goths and launched a campaign to rid the school of Goths. All this accomplished was to cause more people to join the Goths and for the Goths to become more entrenched in their faux gothic lifestyle.

Nothing much positive happened in Allred High over the next few months. Sports teams won and lost, musicals were performed to half filled auditoriums, and many academic competitions Allred High participated in against other high schools ended with Allred High finishing third. Mundane, middle of the road, and average became closely associated adjectives to this place where excellence was formerly born and bred. Then something happened that would thrust the presidency of Prescott Fern into the irredeemable negative.

For many years large containers sat on the roof of the Ralph W. Allred High School. These containers collected water used for science experiments, watering Allred High’s well manicured lawn, and drinking from the school’s many purified water fountains. Over the winter break these containers were filled to capacity with the snow that always falls abundantly in the area. Some of the containers overflowed, causing their wooden supports to become wet and weakened.

Just days into the third term at Allred high one of the supports on one of the water collection containers gave way. Moments after in an unfortunate case of coincidence and poor preparation supports on the other seven containers also gave way. This caused the contents of these containers, nearly fifty gallons of water each, to completely spill out, flooding the atrium. The atrium at Allred High is a place where the artists, musicians, stoners, and nerds hang out. In fact, at the time the flood hit, many of those people were in the atrium.

It took several hours for President Fern to respond. When he did he was less than enthusiastic about helping many of the people who have never and may never support him. This lead to a vocal member of the musicians, Eynak East, to say, “Prescott Fern hated nerds.” To this day much of the atrium at Allred High lies in ruin. Some parts have been brought back to a level approaching its former glory. Other parts are worse today than they were when the flood waters retreated.

The remainder of the presidency of Prescott Fern was largely uneventful. This was because Prescott didn’t do much of anything. By the end of year the student body was thoroughly done with Fern and anything he was connected with. The phrase “Anything but Fern” was emblazoned on t-shirts, backpacks, car bumpers, and on the walls of the school in normal and graffiti style lettering.

At long last the time came for the process to elect new leadership to begin. A new year was quickly approaching, optimism was running high, and the sun seemed ready to shine of Ralph W. Allred High School once again. All it would take was the right leader to take advantage of this bright opportunity.

For as far back as one can remember, elections at Allred High have been dominated by two major groups. There are a smattering of other groups of various sizes and influences, but for most everything that happens in Allred High it comes down to these two groups. The Doves mostly consist of nerds, outcasts, stoners, and goths. The Reptiles mostly consists of jocks, preps, straighedgers, and religious people. There are some students who crossover, preps as Doves, nerds as Reptiles, goths as To Hell With Everyone. However most people conform to what has been ascribed as the norm, no matter how much the concept of conformity repulses them. Prescott Fern, and many of the people who worked beside him, were Reptiles.

Every year the Doves and the Reptiles have separate meetings to strategize, collect money, and nominate people for the upcoming election. In the past these meetings were held in secret with no outsiders knowing what happened in these meetings and how the process of nomination took place. In recent years the process has become more open, however the process of strategizing has remained largely secret. Recently an account has been made of a meeting the Reptiles held to establish strategy for the election and to decide who would be nominated to be president after Prescott Fern left office. Here is the account.