Field Day Compilation

Nintendo Enables Kid Punching

This week Photo Dojo launched on the DSiWare service. Photo Dojo is a game where the player can take a picture of themselves, their dogs, or their penises, and use those picutres as fighing game characters. Like other releases involving pictures, video games, and people, Photo Dojo has been used for purposes not intended for by the video game manufacturer. And this time I'm not talking about pornography.

This is Brayton Smalls. Brayton is a five year old boy living in Pocatello, Idaho with his mom, dad, and collection of small Disney figurines. Brayton is also, as described by his relatives, an annoying little shit. In most situations, more often than not involving adults, people who are identified as annoying little shits get the shit kicked out of them. However, Brayton is five, and beating up a five year old is wrong. I know from experience.

So how do Brayton's family, friends, neighbors, and random other people rid themselves of the urge to beat the living tar out of Brayton without breaking the law? This is where Photo Dojo comes in. To this point, pictures of Brayton Smalls has been imported into Photo Dojo an estimated 465,837 times. Also, Brayton has been knocked out in Photo Dojo 8,569,372 times.

Brayton is not the only kid who has been imported and beating silly in Photo Dojo. The following is a list of kids who also have recieved similar treatment.

This is Kaylie. KO count: 3,325,426

This is Michael. KO count: 6,438,284

This is Parker. KO count: 638,376,879

And this is John. KO count: 8,375,937,273

No plans have been made to implement a moderation system into Photo Dojo, and many people hope that such a moderation system never sees the light of day. Now, if you'll exuse me, I'm going to visit my nieces.

Final Fantasy XIII Review

Like many of you out there, my junior high school experience sucked. Like the intake valve of an industrial strength air compressor did it suck. Between constant name calling, social isolation, physical bullying, and slanderous rumormongering, there were any different ways that, on a daily basis, junior high school sucked for me. However, unlike many similar victims, I don't blame my fellow students for the suckage that was junior high. This is because, I believe to a certain extent, this behavior is natural but when unchecked by those who know better can have serious consequences. Those checks are supposed to be administered by the teachers, councilors, and administrators that are in charge of the school and the environment therein. In my case no checks were administered, ever. Therefore, I place blame for my junior high school experience at the feet of those teachers, councilors, administrators, and even the entire Granite School District.

There is a deep resentment that I have toward the Granite School District. A resentment so passionate and so ingrained into my very being that at times it frightens me. I know better than to lash out against the Granite School District through acts of vandalism and public destruction as such acts could be potentially worse for me than for them. I feel at times that if the Granite School District were to collapse into insolvency today, today would be the greatest day of my life, as today would be the day my greatest enemy was destroyed.

In the process of trying to rid myself of this unhealthy resentment, I posed myself the following question: If I was ever put in the situation were I could help the Granite School District, even a tiny bit, would I, for the good of the public at large, help my greatest enemy? My answer to that question, to quote Mrs. Palin, would be hell no! Greater public be damned, the Granite School District made me suffer and to see them suffer would be too sweet of an opportunity to pass up!

It's good to know that people exist in this world that are far better people than I. People who can put aside their personal resentments and their personal histories for the collective good and not just their own selfish petty bullshit. Well not people in this case, but digitized persons who's example can be followed by people who aren't as broken as I. Perhaps I can learn from the example set forth by the various characters in Final Fantasy XIII, but it hasn't happened yet.

Final Fantasy XIII: B

I Write The Books That No One Reads...

So I write. I write books, satire, and scripts... that hardly anyone reads. Not that I'm complaining (clearly complaining). I mean I didn't start writing to get people to notice me. I started writing to sort out my thoughts, vent about things that were happening in my life, and get a good grade on an assignment (and some tail. I mean come on, I used to write bad poetry).

Last year I finished two books. Notice I didn't say WROTE two books. The Hawk (blatent plug) is something I'd been toying around with since my senior year of high school and finally got the drive to finish and put up online for people to ingore. The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust (another blatent plug) marks my fastest turnaround for a book. Just six months (The Hawk took damn near eight years).

I'm working on another book right now called The Black Robin Christmas Carole (yet ANOTHER blatent plug). I finished the first draft and am currently proofreading and completing a second draft. This step is taking longer than I thought it would, but I should easily make my desired release date of November 1st. I mean, it's a Christmas book, I can't release it in August, can I (ho ho ho).

I also maintain a blog that you are reading now. This started as just a fake news blog but branched out when I realized I was writing other things people might be interested in and that fake news was being handled pretty well by Fox News (BURN!). I try not to talk about my true self in this blog, which brings up the question, what am I doing now? (ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm)