Hunter is sitting in his office, wading through the massive amount of hate mail he received as a result of Capital Bush, when Rodger Red walks in.
Rodger- Hunter.
Hunter- Rodger.
Rodger- Good day so far?
Hunter- Can't complain.
Rodger- Well, prepare for me to ruin it.
Hunter- Are you going to punch my fiance in the face again?
Rodger- No, I'm removing you from that quiz show you host.
Hunter- The Insert Absurdly High Dollar Amount Here Question
Rodger- Yes.
Hunter- Okay.
There is a short pause.
Rodger- Don't you want to know why?
Hunter- No.
There is a short pause.
Rodger- Don't you want to know who I'm replacing you with?
Hunter- Not particularly.
There is a short pause.
Rodger- I'm replacing you with Anthony Severe.
Hunter responds angrily to this.
Hunter- Anthony Severe? Are you kidding me! That conservative asshole?
Rodger- Yep.
Hunter- Why would he make a better host of a quiz show than me?
Rodger- He owns a suit.
Hunter- So do I.
Rodger- A good looking suit.
Hunter- I could own a good looking suit.
Rodger- I sincerely doubt that.
Hunter- I guess you're right.
Hunter goes back to work as Rodger continues to stand in the doorway. There is a short pause.
Rodger- Don't you want to know who his first contestant is.
Hunter- No.
Rodger- I bet you'll like him.
Hunter- I doubt it.
Rodger- It's you.
Hunter- I hear that guy's an asshole.
Rodger- I can't say as I disagree with that assessment.
Rodger leaves Hunter's office as Hunter continues to work. Moments later, Hunter realizes what Rodger just said.
Hunter- Does that mean I have to buy a suit?
END SCENE
The Act Review
The Act is an arcade video game produced by Cecropia in the United States in 2007. The game is a unique interactive cartoon featuring the hand-drawn art of a number of former Disney animators. It was test-marketed in selected locations throughout North America in 2006, and it received generally favorable press coverage. However, the game was canceled in late 2007, and Cecropia shut its doors in early 2008. Prior to closing, Cecropia auctioned off 10 kits of the game on eBay. The kits used were Intel-powered PCs that featured a custom made JAMMA-to-PC I/O board. Other kits that were produced (40 in total) were given to members of Cecropia's staff. Also two dedicated cabinets were sold to the public, these cabinets having been used to location test the game. Most kits ended up in the hands of private collectors while at least one ended up in an arcade in Utah. This arcade is Game Grid.
Game Grid is a small arcade located in a suburban mall. Along with The Act, Game Grid also offers Terminator: Salvation, a light gun rail shooter, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, an arcade racer based on the movie of the same name, as well as several classic arcade titles. Game Grid is located inside the suburban mall next to a store that sells board games and brain teasers and a store that sells churros.
Why is any of this relevant? Game Grid is located inside Valley Fair Mall in West Valley City, Utah. Valley Fair Mall is approximately five and a half miles from my house. On Monday, September 20th, 2010 I played The Act. On Monday, September 20th, 2010, I beat The Act. On Monday, September 20th, 2010, I played a game that the vast majority of the gaming public has not played, and I beat it. On Monday, September 20th, 2010, I did something that you didn't.
The Act is a fun, challenging, and different gaming experiences, that I have experienced and you haven't. The Act is the kind of game that can get people who strive for unique gaming experiences into the arcades. These arcades include the arcade that I played this game in AND YOU DIDN'T. The Act is the kind of game that should be more of in the gaming world. But, since there isn't, I will continue to be able to taunt you with things that I have done and you have not.
The Act: A+
Quiz Show with Anthony Severe
An overblown light display and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, eventually revealing a man in a really good looking suit, pictures below, sitting on a raised platform on a soundstage.
Anthony- Good evening. I am Anthony Severe, the new host of the 9.0634 Million Dollar Question. We'll bring out our contestant in just a moment, but first a word form our sponsor.
A video is show of the man pictured above saying "I hate you all."
Anthony- Welcome back. Our contestant tonight is an asshole from West Valley City, Utah. Please welcome Hunter Red.
Canned applause is played as Hunter Red walks out to the stage and takes a seat next to Anthony.
Anthony- Mr. Red, it must be a pleasure to be here.
Hunter- It is, although I believe you were mistaken about my occupation.
Anthony- Come again?
Hunter- You said I worked as an asshole.
Anthony- No, I said you were an asshole. The only person who can find work as an asshole is Keith Olbermann.
Genuine laughter is heard.
Anthony- Let's begin the game.
An overblown light display and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, ending up in nothing much changing.
Anthony- Question One: Who is the current career points leader in the National Basketball Association? A: Kareem Abdul Jabbar B: Karl Malone C: Hakeem Olajuwon D: Kobe Bryant
Hunter thinks for a second.
Hunter- The answer is A.
Anthony- No, I'm sorry, the correct response is A, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Hunter- But I said A.
Anthony- No, you said, "A liberal screed where you quoted boisterous lesbian Rachel Maddow." So sorry. Next question.
Hunter- I got that first question-
Anthony- Next question!
An overblown light displayed and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, ending up in nothing much changing.
Anthony- Who won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction in 2010. A: Elizabeth Strout for Olive Kitteridge B: Paul Harding for Tinkers C: Lydia Millet for Life in Infant Monkeys D: Lore Segal for Shakespeare's Kitchen
Hunter thinks for a moment.
Hunter- The answer is B.
Anthony- No, I'm sorry, the answer is B, Paul Harding
Hunter- I said B.
Anthony- No, you said, "Bush is a Nazi. I'd like to tear off his head and shit down his throat."
Hunter- I'd never say anything like that.
Anthony- You are a liberal. Next question!
An overblown light display and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, ending up in nothing much changing.
Anthony- Who is the current Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. A: Tony Blair B: Gordon Brown C: David Cameron D: Eddie Izzard
Hunter thinks for a moment.
Hunter- The answer is C.
Anthony- No, I'm sorry, the answer is C, David Cameron.
Hunter- I just fucking said C.
Anthony- No, what you said was, "Cocksucking is an enjoyable activity, frequented by me, and all other men who support gay rights."
Hunter- Not only is that wrong, it is patently offensive.
Anthony- No it isn't.
Hunter- Yes it is!
Anthony- I am a conservative, I am perpetually right! Next question.
An overblown light display and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, ending up in nothing much changing.
Anthony- Which NBA franchise is LeBron James currently signed to? A: Cleveland Cavilers B: New York Knicks C: Utah Jazz D: Miami Heat
Hunter doesn't think over this question, but instead shoots Anthony an absolutely filthy look.
Hunter- I know what answer you want, and I am more than prepared to give it to you.
Anthony- That's what she said.
Hunter- The answer is Democrats are the only party that should have any power in the government. Furthermore, Democrats are the only party that should exist.
Anthony is shocked by this comment.
Anthony- I am shocked and appalled by that comment.
Correction: Anthony is both shocked and appalled by that comment.
Anthony- That is most certainly not the answer. The answer is D, the Miami Heat.
Hunter- But I thought that the response I gave is the response you wanted.
Anthony- Why would I want to hear a liberal and borderline facets screed?
Hunter- That's it.
Hunter pulls out a handgun out of his pocket and points it at Anthony.
Anthony- He's pointing a gun at me!
Hunter- I am exercising my Second Amendment rights.
Anthony- By pointing a gun at me!
Hunter- No, I'm pointing a gun at a point beyond you.
Anthony- What point is that?
Hunter- The monitor sitting directly behind you with a picture of a person I really despise at the moment on it.
Anthony- Who's picture is that?
Hunter- Yours.
Anthony is puzzled by this.
Anthony- So, should I move?
Hunter- Unless you want me to shoot you while I am shooting you.
Anthony gets out of his chair and steps away while Hunter fires his handgun. Hunter hits the monitor, causing the monitor to be destroyed in a manner that includes a spectacular explosion. The explosion receives thunderous applause from the audience. Anthony sits back down in his chair and attempts to bring the program to a close.
Anthony- Well, that's all the time we have for The 9.0634 Million Dollar Question. I am Anthony Severe, remind you that liberalism is like polio. A disease that will soon be eradicated through the dedicated work of scientists- I mean creationists. See you next time.
The light begin to dim on the stage as Anthony Severe runs for his life.
END SCENE
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