The Wedding Of Hunter Red And Robin Anderson

Gnasu Reception Hall- Evening

Friends, family, and random people from the internet are gathered in the main ballroom at the Gnasu Reception Hall. They have all gathered to celebrate the wedding of Hunter Red and Robin Anderson. However, the happy couple is not currently in the ballroom. Instead, Robin and Hunter are on the second floor of the reception hall on a balcony looking over the ballroom, watching the party that is being held for them.

Robin- Wow. This all looks great.
Hunter- Yeah. Last time a crowd this big gathered for me was right before I had this bucket of pig's blood dumped on me.
Robin- It's a real shame this was all a rouse to get people to care about your book.
Hunter- You know, we could get married tonight. We could drive down to Vegas, hit up some all night chapel, and spend the next day bumping married uglies.
Robin- We could. We won't but we could.

Robin and Hunter continue to look over the ballroom. They see their parents conversing and getting along. They see Liz spinning dope beats under the moniker DJ Elizabeth The Great. They even see Seifer Kinneas attempting to pick up girls that are way too young and way too sober to find him attractive.

Hunter- I guess we should go down there.
Robin- Yep, I guess we should.

Robin pats Hunter on the back, accidentally sending Hunter over the railing of the balcony, down to the floor below. Robin rushes downstairs to her lover as the crowd gathers to see if Hunter is all right. The camera sees the world as Hunter does, looking up at the white ceiling of the Gnasu Reception Hall and the florescent lights that hang therein. Robin, not wanting to injure him any further, stands over Hunter and says-

Robin- Hunter. HUNTER! Are you okay? Oh god, get some help. HUNTER!!!

As Hunter continues to look up at the ceiling of the room he's in, he blinks. When he does so, the light filling the room changes from the bright florescent lights to the dull natural light that usually fills Hunter's office at The Redertainment Corporation Of America. When Hunter blinks again, the ceiling changes from the white ceiling that is at the Gnasu Reception Hall to the red ceiling that is at Hunter's office. As Hunter continues to blink, all the people that were at the party to celebrate Hunter and Robin's wedding go away, one by one. Eventually the only person left in Hunter's field of vision is his love, Robin. Hunter, still hurt, picks himself up from what turns out to be the floor of his office.

Hunter- Ow. Fuck. What happened? My head feels like it's been hit with something.

Hunter turns around to where Robin is standing.

Hunter- Robin, what happened?
Robin- What do you think happened?
Hunter- We were pulling that fake wedding prank, as a way to get people to care about my new book, when I fell over a balcony onto a ballroom floor.
Robin- That didn't happen.
Hunter- What do you mean?

Robin starts to walk toward Hunter. She hold either side of his face and says-

Robin- How did we meet?
Hunter- What do you mean?
Robin- How did you, Hunter Red, meet me, Robin Anderson?

Hunter thinks for a second.

Hunter- I don't know. I don't know how we met.
Robin- Have we had sex?
Hunter- Yeah.
Robin- What was out first time like?
Hunter- Excuse me?
Robin- In detail, how did our first sexual experience go?

Hunter thinks for a second.

Hunter- I don't know.
Robin- Hunter, aren't those things that usually stick out in a person's mind? Aren't those the kinds of things that people remember, not just for a fleeting moment, but for a long time, even untill death?
Hunter- Unless one or both of the people are drunk when they happen.
Robin- But even then, don't they have at least a vague idea as to how it happened?
Hunter- Yeah.
Robin- Do you have a vague idea as to how it happened for us?

Hunter thinks for a second.

Hunter- No.
Robin- Hunter, I am not real. I am not a real person, I am not your real girlfriend, I am a creation of your imagination.

Hunter pulls away from Robin's grasp.

Hunter- No. No, that can't be true. You are real. You have to be. How can I be in love with someone who is not real.
Robin- You're a nerd. You've seen this kind of thing before.
Hunter- No, not in the way that nerds love Aeries, or Princess Amidala, or Scarlett Johansson. I have a deep, emotional attachment to you Robin. I love you in the purest, most romantic sense. I love you Robin.
Robin- Then kiss me.

Hunter is shocked by this request.

Hunter- Okay, I will.

Hunter walks over to where Robin is standing. He tries to place his hands on Robin face, like her hands did his, but Hunter's hands go right through Robin. Hunter attempts to touch Robin's shoulder only to have the same thing happen. Finally Hunter goes in for the kiss, but Hunter's head sails right through Robin's.

Hunter- No. No. This- this- this can't be. How- how-
Allison- Hunter.

Hunter turns to where his office door is. There he finds his mother, Allison, along with his father, Elvis, and his grandfather, Rodger.

Allison- Hunter.
Hunter- Mom. Dad. Grandpa. What are you doing here?
Allison- Liz called us. She found you lying of the floor of your office, passed out.
Hunter- But how did I get here?
Elvis- I venture this has something to do with it.

Elvis holds up an empty bottle of Grey Goose.

Hunter- Was I drunk last night?
Allison- As near as we can figure.
Rodger- In fact, as Liz has told us, you have been drunk nearly everyday at work for nearly a year now.
Hunter- Why can't I remember it?
Elvis- You were drunk. Being drunk tends to effect your memory.
Hunter- But why have I been drunk?
Elvis- Well, at about this time last year, you released The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust, and, outside of us, no one cared.
Hunter- Yeah.
Allison- Then you had that breakup with that Scarlet girl.
Hunter- Gwen?
Allison- Yeah.
Roger- Not only did Gwen cheat on you, but she lied to about it. People lying to you has always rubbed you the wrong way.
Hunter- So, all of that trauma caused a psychological break?
Elvis- No son. Instead of dealing with that trauma in a healthy and constructive manner, you drank. A lot.
Allison- I haven't seen this many empty bottles since I got really into recycling.

Hunter looks around the floor of his office and sees a great number of empty bottles of many different alcoholic brands.

Hunter- I guess I have been drinking a lot lately.
Rodger- Hunter, you need help.
Allison- First off, let's get you home. You smell like you haven't seen a shower in six months, much less taken one.

Elvis walks over to Hunter to support him as he walks.

Elvis- Come on son. I know of some people who can really help people like you.
Rodger- And don't worry about your job. You may have been drunk off your ass for a year, but you're the only productive employee we have.
Hunter- Hell, I might as well be the only employee at Redertainment.

The camera takes a view from behind Hunter's desk out the door to Hunter's office as Hunter, Elvis, Allison, and Rodger walk out of Hunter's office and out of the offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. Once the four principal players walk out of frame, the camera pans down to see what is on Hunter's desk. On it is a stack of stapled papers. The cover page of this stack reads "The Black Robin Christmas Carol by Hunter Red". Also on the desk is a spinning top that, although occasionally wobbling, does not fall.

END SCENE