Red Review- The Witcher 2

By now we all have seen The Room.  If you haven't, take a minute right now and go see.  Don't worry, I'll wait.

Good.  Now we all have seen The Room.  The Room is the perfect convergence of a bad story, bad acting, bad cinematography, bad location design, just bad bad bad bad bad.  Despite the film's mastermind's frequent assertions otherwise, The Room seems to be the perfect purposely bad movie.

The Room also contains frequent sex scenes.  About ever ten minutes in the movie, there will be a scene of inexplicable love making.  Seriously, you can practically set your watch by the frequency of the fucking in The Room.  Does the frequent sex scenes make The Room better?  No.  In fact, the frequent sex scene is another thing that makes The Room the perfect bad movie.

This is Tress Merigold, a character in The Witcher 2.  The first time you see Tress Merigold in The Witcher 2, she is butt ass naked.  Seriously.  Tress is not butt ass naked for no apparent reason.  In fact, Tress being butt ass naked in the situation that we first fall upon that character is perfectly reasonable.  Still, Tress is butt ass naked.  In fact I don't think I had ever seen female public hair in a video game before I had played The Witcher 2.

The first scene involving Tress Merigold being butt ass naked is not the only erotic scene in this game.  The Witcher 2 contains frequent scenes of explicit sexuality.  Many different scenes with many different characters.  There is a pretty tasty one involving Tress Merigold and Gareth of Rivia, the protagonist of the game, that occurs early on in the game.

Does the frequent use of sex scenes in The Witcher 2 make the game better?  Not really.  The Witcher 2 is bogged down by it's complex menu screen, hard to find mission points, and high difficulty at the start.  Sure The Witcher 2 is a beautiful game, as the sex scenes make apparent, but a game cannot live on good graphics alone.  In my opinion, the gameplay must be solid and compelling in order to constitute a good game, and the gameplay in The Witcher 2 is not up to the standard set forward by such games as Dragon Age and Skyrim.  If I wanted to be immersed in the frequent sexual exploits of a hot as all hell redhead, I would lose fifty pounds then hop on Craigslist.

The Witcher 2: C-