Red Apologies

Recently Sony decided to recall Little Big Planet after concerns were raised over possible objectionable lyrics. Sony's actions have caused me to issue an apology of my own.

When I was seven, I was playing in the backyard with my friends. We were throwing the football around and, because of my athletic incompetence, I threw the football over the fence. When I hopped the fence to retrieve it, I discovered that I had smashed my neighbor's prized lawn gnome.

Being the good little boy I was, I admitted to it right away. I spent the next month mowing lawns and pulling weeds so I could buy my neighbor a new gnome, which I did. This incident, as well as my effort to repent for it, caused me to get to know my neighbor and become friends with him and his family. This is how I learned he was an Evangelical.

At this time, out of an overabundance of caution, I would like to apologize to the entire Evangelical faith for smashing that lawn gnome. My actions were misguided, not malicious. While I know that I can never make amends to you all for my destructive act, I hope you can accept my apology. Please don't use me as fuel for your next general objectionable media burning.

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