Volume 11: Part 1- Moenia Prima: Wednesday, March 16th, 2:40 P.M.
Wednesday, March 16th, 2:40 P.M.
People at school started hearing back from the colleges the applied to today. Some people were disappointed with the replies they received. Some were pleased, not getting exactly what they wanted but at least something good. Others were nearly orgasmic. I wish I was kidding. There were loud screams of pure joy, people jumping around like a supercharged jumping bean, and even people hyperventilating to the point that they passed out. And that was among the men.
One of the people who received news today was Cam Sobe. This is the offensive lineman who is as big as a refrigerator, has a head the size of a cantaloupe that ate another cantaloupe, and who’s notable academic accomplishment is one term getting a report card that spelt the word “FACBIFF”, if in fact that is a word. Today Cam got word that he was accepted to Dolore University, an accomplishment he couldn’t put into words. Literally. He’s that fucking stupid.
This gave me hope for my application to Dolore University. I mean, if a fat dumb verbrecher like Cam can get it, surely I can, right? So, once school let out, I went straight home and checked the mail. Among the junk mail, credit card applications, bills, and lingerie catalogues Mom receives was a letter from Dolore University. I tore open the envelope and started reading the letter inside.
Dear Mr. Shurtleff
It is out unfortunate duty to tell you…
I didn’t read much further past that. I don’t understand this. I have near perfect grades, participate in several school clubs, and have as perfect of attendance as you can get. How did I not get in? How did I not get into Dolore and Cam did?
Still, I haven’t heard back from Vierdestad or Moenia Prima yet, so there’s still hope. Hell, even if I don’t get into college, I can still make a pretty penny writing term papers for Cam. I’m pretty sure he can’t play football if his grades spell out the word “FFFFFFF”.