Character
Bio
Hunter
Red, pictured left, is a nominally successful satirist, writer, and potential
lunch winner living in Salt Lake City, Utah.
Mr. Red is a recovering alcoholic, although his recovery has been less
than successful since he has stopped going to his prescribed therapy sessions,
and has begun drinking again. Hunter is
has a mostly negative viewpoint of the world, is distrustful of all humans, and
thoroughly enjoys cheesecake.
Robin
Anderson, pictured left, is Hunter Red's most recent ex-girlfriend. Hunter's relationship with Robin was
complicated by the fact that she is not real.
Robin is a product of an alcohol fueled hallucination. This was a hallucination that Hunter like to
experience, due to Miss Anderson being the only real serious girlfriend Mr. Red
has ever had. Robin is intelligent,
strong willed, and has a razor sharp wit.
Hunter
Red And Robin And A Beer Keg
Hunter
Red pulls up to his condo in Ruby, his big fucking SUV. He pulls into his garage backward and quickly
closes the garage door. Out of the back
of Ruby, Hunter pulls out a beer keg.
Hunter places the beer keg in an open spot on the floor of his garage,
then begins to speak as if someone is listening. No one is currently present in the garage as
Hunter begins to speak.
Hunter
Red- Yes, here now, the light of the
party on college campuses across the nation, your standard beer keg. Sure, kegs are illegal here in the state of
Utah, but the fuck I care. Alcohol laws
are made by old, fat, white, bigots who only want to control the population and
line their pockets with gold. Also, they
are fat.
Hunter
Red walks over to the toolchest he keeps in his garage, digs around for a
little bit, then finds what he was looking for, the tap for a beer keg. Hunter walks over, taps the keg, hooks up the
nozzle to it, then says-
Hunter
Red- Well, let's begin.
The
camera pans over to a clock on the wall of Hunter's garage. In typical television fashion, the hands on
the clock start to move quickly untill three hours and seventeen minutes have
gone by. After the timeshift, the camera
pans back over to Hunter. Mr. Red is
sitting on the floor of his garage, next to the beer keg, with the nozzle in
his mouth. It is clear from the visual
cues that Hunter has been spending the past three hours and seventeen minutes
drinking directly from the beer keg.
Hunter removes the nozzle from his mouth and says-
Hunter
Red- Yeah! Take that polimaticians. I just drank beer from a beer keg that was
full of beer from a beer keg because it was a keg that had beer in it because
it was a beer keg. (Loud belch) Ha ha ha!
YEAH!!!
The
camera pans away from Hunter to a door in the garage leading into the
house. The door is open and the room is
brightly lit. Through the door the sound
of a pair of high heels can be heard clacking on a hard wood floor, making
their way closer and closer to the door, the sound of which echoes throughout
the entire house. A figure walks into
the door frame, a beautiful figure wearing high heels silhouetted by the
intense light coming from the other room.
The camera follows the legs of the person, particularly the heels,
clacking with every step, as the figure walks through the door frame, across
the garage, over to where Hunter is sitting.
Hunter looks up at the figure, bleary-eyed and obviously drunk.
Hunter
Red- Hi.
I haven't seen you in a while.
You look voluminnomnoninous.
The
camera shot changes to reveal who it is that Hunter is talking to. The figure is Robin Anderson. Robin looks down at Hunter with
disappointment in her eyes.
Robin
Anderson- So, let me get this straight:
You drove all the way up to Evanston, risked getting caught and prosecuted,
just so you could get a giant container of beer.
There is
an unapologetic tone to Hunter's face when he says-
Hunter
Red- Yep.
Robin
Anderson- Did you save any for me.
Hunter
holds up the nozzle connected to the beer keg and presses the button on
it. A small stream of mostly beer foam
trickles out of the nozzle.
Hunter
Red- Nope.
Robin
maintains her disappointed look as she sit down next to Hunter on the floor of
the garage.
Robin
Anderson- You don't look good.
Hunter
Red- Did I ever?
Robin
Anderson- Yes, you did. You looked quite good when I was with you.
Hunter
Red- Not nearly as good as you look.
Robin
Anderson- Well, that goes without
saying. How have you been?
Hunter
Red- How have you been?
Robin
Anderson- Are you imitating me?
Hunter
Red- No.
Robin
Anderson- Are you sure, because you know
how I've been.
Hunter
Red- No I don't.
Robin
Anderson- I'm an alcohol fueled
hallucination.
Hunter
Red- That doesn't answer my question.
Robin
Anderson- I feel good, or bad. I'm not sure.
Not being real kind of makes you question how you feel about things.
Hunter
Red- What do you mean not being real?
Hunter
puts his hand on Robin's thigh.
Hunter
Red- You sure do feel real.
Robin
Anderson- Of course I feel real, this is
your hallucination.
Hunter
Red- Yeah, but even when I wasn't drunk
and somehow remembering hallucinating you, you felt real.
Robin
Anderson- Of course you thought my body
felt real.
Hunter
Red- No, I mean the connection we
had. The way you would talk with me, laugh
with me, converse with me, criticize me, all of the parts of a fully
functioning relationship, it felt real.
Robin
Anderson- But it wasn't.
Hunter
Red- Yeah.
A look of
incredible sadness comes over the face of Hunter. Robin looks at Hunter and says-
Robin
Anderson- Hunter, you need to move on.
Hunter
Red- No.
Robin
Anderson- Hunter, you need to move on.
Hunter
Red- No.
Robin
Anderson- Hunter, you need to-
Hunter
Red-(Angrily) I heard you, I just don't
want to.
Robin
Anderson- Why not?
Hunter
tries to stand up, but fails, falling hard on the concrete floor he was just
sitting on.
Robin
Anderson- I think you need help.
Hunter
tries to stand up again, with the same result as he had the first time.
Robin
Anderson- I think you need help.
Hunter
tries to stand up again, this time falling forward, landing hard on his
shoulder and laying on his back on the cold concrete floor. Robin stands up, looks over Hunter with a
kind of caring look in her eyes.
Robin
Anderson- Hunter, you need help. Hunter, you need to move on. You need to clean yourself up, for real this
time. You need to do this, because you
can't just spend your life obsessing over things that never were. You need to start dealing with things that
actually are. This world is a wonderful
place, and while I am not in it, many other things and people are. Hunter.
Hunter, can you hear me?
Hunter is
laying on his back on the cold concrete floor asleep. Robin eyes are again filled with
disappointment.
Robin
Anderson- (Sigh) I hope somewhere in his deep subconscious he
heard me.
Robin
Anderson walks across the garage floor, back through the door frame, and closes
it behind her.
END SCENE
In our
most desperate hours, we often grasp on to one another. For strength.
For stability. For someone. Someone so that in our hour of desperation we
do not face that desperation alone.
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