Sunday, October 9th, 11:18 A.M.
God damn it.
God damn it. I thought I had
compartmentalized things in my mind. I'm
not even completely sure what compartmentalizing is, but I thought I had done
it. I thought I had separated things in
my mind. Separated my memories from home
from what I'm doing now. Separated it so
I didn't have to fucking deal with it.
But Spiker saying freton put those memories right in front of my mind. Fuck that guy, for real.
I woke up this morning with thoughts of Mom, Dad,
Sakoshi, Delany, Sparra, Wanda, Valerie, and the way that those people dies or
probably dies racing through my mind.
Why I thought church would help me I don't understand. The Father's sermon was in no way helpful to
me today. Here is what he said.
"Good morning to you all. I see a great many people out there today,
and I also see a great deal of worry out there today. I too feel worried. The talk from people out there, the
environment that they are creating, distresses me as well. At times like this, I find strength, not just
in my faith, but also in my family. I
think of my son, working in Trebyer.
Sure he has fallen from the path, but he is a good man, who I hope one
day comes back to the fold. I think of
my daughter, my sweet wonderful little girl.
She is such an inspiration to me and my wife. My wife, my wondrous, beautiful, strong
source of optimism in my life. Whenever
I am troubled, whenever I am down, my mind racked with doubt, I just think of
my family, and all of that goes away.
Each and every one of you out there can do the exact same thing. Let us pray."
I took the opportunity of everyone closing their
eyes to run out of church. Think of my
family when I am down to pick myself up?
Not being able to forget about my family is what is keeping me down!
No. I have to
compartmentalize. I have to get away
from this. October 22nd. October 22nd, that is the day I can continue
on my journey to Amcan. My journey. Amcan.
I have to do this.
God damn it.
God damn it all to hell.
Hato Shurtleff
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