Showing posts with label Fallout 3. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fallout 3. Show all posts
Obvious Skyrim
Red Review- The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Yes, I
know, I'm late to the party. Shut up.
Perhaps
it is the alleged writer in me, but I appreciate a good narrative. I appreciate a good, well written story that
unveils itself with a proper pace.
Narrative is something that most people is lacking in video games, but
there are games out there with a good story behind it.
In
Fallout 3, you play as a person on the search for their father. You go out into an unfamiliar environment,
encounter many various types of people, and battle seemingly insurmountable
odds to accomplish this goal. In the
end, the player finds his father and reconnects with him.... for about five
seconds before the person you spent the entirety of the game seeking leaves to
go accomplish something more important that the player. Granted that thing is providing people with
clean water, but still, that's not a good example of parenting.
Fallout:
New Vegas begins with the player being shot and left for dead in the middle of
the Mohave Desert. Throughout most of
the game, you seek to find out who left you for dead, and the role you and they
play in a massive conspiracy to do... something. Actually, I didn't finish Fallout: New Vegas
due to persistent bugs. Fallout: New
Vegas is an example of a game with a good narrative, but who's gameplay hinders
the experience of the game. If Fallout:
New Vegas hadn't been riddled with bugs, I'm sure the narrative that was being
constructed would have paid off in a spectacular fashion.
The Elder
Scrolls V: Skyrim is set in the kind of high fantasy setting that has nothing
to do with history, reality, or anything that actually happened. Such a setting provides ample opportunities
to tell many varied complex stories that have illusions to things that actually
happened. Just ask George
R.R.RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR Martin.
What the
makers of Skyrim, Bethesda, did with this opportunity is truly
spectacular. Skyrim did nothing with
this opportunity. Nothing. Nothing.
A spectacular display of nothingness only before seen in Congress.
As near
as I can tell, there is no overarching story in The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim,
or, at the very least, not one that I cared about. Sure the gameplay is flawless, but all that
does is allow me to without obstruction experience the vast supply of nothing in
front of me.
In the
game, you can pick up objects in the environment and carry it with you. If you pick up too many items, you can reach
a point where you are carrying more weight than you character can bear, forcing
you to walk very, very slowly. There
were many times in playing Skyrim where I was carrying too many objects. Rather than shed myself of low value or high
weight objects, I choose to walk very, very slowly. I did this for one reason: I needed to catch
up on episodes of The Rachel Maddow Show.
Making this
choice should have been a sign for me.
Rather than being eager to experience more of the narrative and the
world that Skyrim had to offer, I chose to play Skyrim passively while watching
videos on my iPad. I didn't make this
choice because the game I was playing was bad.
I made this choice because the game I was playing was not stimulating me
intellectually on any level. To me,
Skyrim wasn't an uncomfortable gaming experience, it was just boring.
While I
do have an appreciation for the world that Bethesda created with Skyrim, I
wanted a compelling reason to continue adventuring in this world. In my playing of Skyrim, that reason was
never presented to me. Perhaps others
see value in walking through a world with nothing to do but kill endless
supplies of skeletons, but I don't. I
want a reason to kill an endless supply of skeletons, other than they are
trying to kill me. I want a story. I want a purpose. I want some there there.
The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim: B-
I need
some help identifying this object. I am
unclear as to what it is and what it represents. If you know what the object pictured below
is, please contact me.
Blissful Impressionistic Drug Humor
Slipknot Is Bliss


Hunter and Robin are sitting outside at an outdoor cafe just down the street from the offices of the Redertainment Corporation Of America. They are eating lunch and taking in the environment that surrounds them. The sun is out the weather is warm, birds are chirping, and no vagrants are present. Robin looks around at this nice day and say-
Robin- Hunter, don't you just think this is a nice day today?
Hunter- I don't know. It's a bit to metally.
Robin finds this comment odd. She looks at Hunter and sees he's got his headphones in and is listening to Slipknot.
Robin- Honey.
Hunter- Yes dear?
Robin- (Yelling at the top of her lungs.) Take off your damn headphones!
The tranquility that had previously surrounded Robin and Hunter is shattered. Birds fly away, the air starts to cool, and a homeless man shows up to beg for change. As Hunter removes his headphones, a light rain begins to fall. Robin gets up and leaves as Hunter sits there in the steadily increasing downpour.
END SCENE
Final Fantasy XIII Last Impressions

People have openly wondered what the difference is between western developed RPGs and japanese developed RPGs. The difference, as far as I can tell, is mission structure. JRPGs utilize a more narrative style to deliver the missions to you, telling you of these missions in cut scenes and dialog with NPCs. Examples of this mission structure are the Final Fantasy series, Xenosaga, and Star Ocean. Western RPGs actually give you missions, like you were a spy working for the NSA or a guy who needs explicit directives in order to accomplish anything. Examples of this mission structure are Fallout 3, Knights of the Old Republic, and Fable.

I came to this realization as I began to wonder why I didn't enjoy the latest Final Fantasy game, FF XIII, as much as I have other Final Fantasy games in the past. It's a great game, I gave it a B, but I didn't really enjoy it. There was a point while playing FFXIII where I swore so loud that my neighbor heard it. Granted my window was open at the time, but my neighbor generally doesn't give a fuck what I do.

Then I remembered how much I loved Fallout 3. It's an RPG with many elements of a Final Fantasy game. Great narrative, shops and inventory systems, and battles against characters I may be severely underpowered against. So why did I enjoy Fallout 3 significantly more than Final Fantasy XIII? The missions, specifically the non-essential ones.

I spend hours, literally hours, running around in an open field trying to get up to the maximum level that I could. Running around, in circles, endlessly, not really going anywhere or accomplishing anything. To me this was not compelling. If I was watching Football and utilized the picture in picture to allow me to run around in a field for hours while watching other men run around in a field for hours this might interest me. Emphasis on might.

Whereas with Fallout 3, if I feel the need to get more powered up, or just have half an hour to kill, I can take up a non-essential mission. I can go out, accomplish a feat, get my reward, get experience points, and feel like I've accomplished something in this game. Have I actually accomplished something? Maybe, maybe not, but at least I have less missions bugging me for accomplishment than I had before.



Right now I would be offering up a final paragraph of how this is evidence of how I've changed as a person. How I am a different person now than the person I was back in high school. Here would be a great place to make some sort of grand statement of what it really means to be a gamer. However, nothing of that grand of a nature is coming to me. It's not that I think I have or have not changed as a person, it's that I can't put it in a way that I feel is significant. Both Final Fantasy XIII and Fallout 3 are good on their own merits, I just currently prefer the merits of Fallout 3. Perhaps in the future this will change, as it has in relation to my preferences in the past. In lieu of a significant closing statement, here's a kitty.

Super Mario Galaxy 2 First Impressions

I'm trying not to recycle an old joke. I'm trying not to bring up magic mushrooms, touch fuzzy get dizzy, and other things that many people other than me have make the obvious joke about. I'm trying really hard not to make that joke.

Dude, your face is a spaceship

Dude, that is a BIG turtle.

Dude, if I had a dinosaur like that, I would eat so many Doritos.

Dude, that would make a killer bong.

Dude, I'm wearing this suit that turns me into a bee. And earlier, I was wearing a suit that allowed me to produce clouds!
So I tried and I failed. Aw damn. Now, if you'll excuse me, my dealer just texted me. My shipment of Pineapple Express is in. Saul, you da man!


Hunter and Robin are sitting outside at an outdoor cafe just down the street from the offices of the Redertainment Corporation Of America. They are eating lunch and taking in the environment that surrounds them. The sun is out the weather is warm, birds are chirping, and no vagrants are present. Robin looks around at this nice day and say-
Robin- Hunter, don't you just think this is a nice day today?
Hunter- I don't know. It's a bit to metally.
Robin finds this comment odd. She looks at Hunter and sees he's got his headphones in and is listening to Slipknot.
Robin- Honey.
Hunter- Yes dear?
Robin- (Yelling at the top of her lungs.) Take off your damn headphones!
The tranquility that had previously surrounded Robin and Hunter is shattered. Birds fly away, the air starts to cool, and a homeless man shows up to beg for change. As Hunter removes his headphones, a light rain begins to fall. Robin gets up and leaves as Hunter sits there in the steadily increasing downpour.
END SCENE
Final Fantasy XIII Last Impressions

People have openly wondered what the difference is between western developed RPGs and japanese developed RPGs. The difference, as far as I can tell, is mission structure. JRPGs utilize a more narrative style to deliver the missions to you, telling you of these missions in cut scenes and dialog with NPCs. Examples of this mission structure are the Final Fantasy series, Xenosaga, and Star Ocean. Western RPGs actually give you missions, like you were a spy working for the NSA or a guy who needs explicit directives in order to accomplish anything. Examples of this mission structure are Fallout 3, Knights of the Old Republic, and Fable.
I came to this realization as I began to wonder why I didn't enjoy the latest Final Fantasy game, FF XIII, as much as I have other Final Fantasy games in the past. It's a great game, I gave it a B, but I didn't really enjoy it. There was a point while playing FFXIII where I swore so loud that my neighbor heard it. Granted my window was open at the time, but my neighbor generally doesn't give a fuck what I do.

Then I remembered how much I loved Fallout 3. It's an RPG with many elements of a Final Fantasy game. Great narrative, shops and inventory systems, and battles against characters I may be severely underpowered against. So why did I enjoy Fallout 3 significantly more than Final Fantasy XIII? The missions, specifically the non-essential ones.

I spend hours, literally hours, running around in an open field trying to get up to the maximum level that I could. Running around, in circles, endlessly, not really going anywhere or accomplishing anything. To me this was not compelling. If I was watching Football and utilized the picture in picture to allow me to run around in a field for hours while watching other men run around in a field for hours this might interest me. Emphasis on might.

Whereas with Fallout 3, if I feel the need to get more powered up, or just have half an hour to kill, I can take up a non-essential mission. I can go out, accomplish a feat, get my reward, get experience points, and feel like I've accomplished something in this game. Have I actually accomplished something? Maybe, maybe not, but at least I have less missions bugging me for accomplishment than I had before.



Right now I would be offering up a final paragraph of how this is evidence of how I've changed as a person. How I am a different person now than the person I was back in high school. Here would be a great place to make some sort of grand statement of what it really means to be a gamer. However, nothing of that grand of a nature is coming to me. It's not that I think I have or have not changed as a person, it's that I can't put it in a way that I feel is significant. Both Final Fantasy XIII and Fallout 3 are good on their own merits, I just currently prefer the merits of Fallout 3. Perhaps in the future this will change, as it has in relation to my preferences in the past. In lieu of a significant closing statement, here's a kitty.

Super Mario Galaxy 2 First Impressions

I'm trying not to recycle an old joke. I'm trying not to bring up magic mushrooms, touch fuzzy get dizzy, and other things that many people other than me have make the obvious joke about. I'm trying really hard not to make that joke.
Dude, your face is a spaceship
Dude, that is a BIG turtle.
Dude, if I had a dinosaur like that, I would eat so many Doritos.
Dude, that would make a killer bong.

Dude, I'm wearing this suit that turns me into a bee. And earlier, I was wearing a suit that allowed me to produce clouds!
So I tried and I failed. Aw damn. Now, if you'll excuse me, my dealer just texted me. My shipment of Pineapple Express is in. Saul, you da man!
****- Reviewing Zombified Obstacles
Borderlands Review

Of all the games I’ve played this year, my favorite is Fallout 3. The first person action, the heavy RPG elements, the blues and jazz music played throughout, there are many things about Fallout 3 that just sucked me in. The aspect I liked most about Fallout 3 is the personality. The main driving plot, the differing cities you can visit, the rich conversations you can have with the NPCs, all of it just gave a depth and warmth to this world that is rarely seen in many other games. Maybe it’s the intellectual in me talking here but I appreciate games with a deep rich narrative.

Borderlands reminds me a lot of Fallout 3 if they stripped all of the personality out of that game. That’s not to say it’s a bad game. The inclusion of multiplayer in Borderlands is something that I was craving while I was playing Fallout 3. Watching a character easily thirty levels higher than you are steamroll through the environment while amazing that player with your ability to set enemies on fire with your sniper rifle is one of those gaming memories I hope to hold on to forever.

The weaponry in Borderlands is also more cartoonish in a good way. Grenades that deliver an electrical shock upon exploding, caustic revolvers that shoot man consuming acid, and sniper rifles that set people on fire are just a small sampling of the great bounty of weapons you can use to slaughter the denizens of the Borderlands. Sure none of it is at all realistic but if you want realism get a real gun and shoot real people. (Please note: Hunter Red does not advocate shooting people, it was merely a joke. :) )

Borderlands is a great game, one of my favorite to be put on the 360 this year. However, put it up against Fallout 3 and its flaws become fairly evident. Then again, given my opinion of Fallout 3, I could say that about any title. Borderlands is like Left 4 Dead in a way. I can go in, indiscriminately tear shit up, and then go about my day. Borderlands is a game I’ll be holding on to and pop in any time I want to set animals on fire. (Please note: Hunter Red does not, repeat NOT, advocate setting animals on fire.)

Borderlands: B-
Hunter Red: Poet
Emo’s Diner
By Hunter Red
I see a guy across the way
Who looks very much like me
But he is different in one key way
He is truly, deeply happy
The both of us order the same meal
Pancakes made in a homestyle way
I try to watch him but can’t, you see
There’s an obstruction in the way
We each go over our days
Work, school, TV
His overview takes longer, though
Not for increased quantity
I turn up my metal while I wait for my order
Mine takes one song
The order from across the way takes longer
His takes three songs
I tear into my pancakes
And eat them slowly
It’s not that I’m not hungry
No one’s home waiting for me
The waitress comes by to refill our drinks
I get a Coke
The guy across the way gets a Sprite
And a Cherry Coke
I eat my meal in silence
The other guy does not
The other patrons think I’m unusual
The other guy they care not
They guy across the way gets up to leave
The obstruction does us well
It’s hard not to look at the obstruction
As she looks so well
I see a guy across the way
Who looks a lot like me
The difference, he has her
I have only me
Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned Review

Remember the review of Borderlands I just did? (If not, go to the doctor and get your memory checked.) Remember the general complaint I had about Borderlands having no personality? Guess what? Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned accomplishes something I thought was impossible. This DLC has less personality than Borderlands. Yes, less than zero.

In the original game, when you encounter an enemy they will hoot and holler and scream about how they’re going to kill you. Also the enemies tend to come out of logical locations and there are a limited number of them. The enemies do respawn but it generally take some time to do so. This is changed in The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned.

First of all, all of the humanoid enemies from Borderlands are replaced with zombies. Many different kind of zombies but most are slow, dumb, and relentless, even in the face of physical obstacles. The result of this is a class of enemy that is really, really, boring. Also these enemies can spawn from anywhere at anytime in a seemingly unlimited amount. So throughout The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned you have to deal with an unpredictable, unrelenting, and uninteresting enemy. This kind of enemy would make any game suffer and it does exactly that to Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned.

Remember the end of my Borderlands review where I mentioned Left 4 Dead? I didn’t do that intentionally, I wrote the first review without even knowing what the DLC was, but now it seems fitting that I did. The zombies in Left 4 Dead made that game interesting, the zombies in Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned have the opposite effect, and the grade that I dive this DLC reflects that.

Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned: C
The RCOA Official 2009 New Year’s Eve Toast
(Lift your glass with a drink in it into the air)
To 2009,
Goodbye, and GOOD RIDDANCE!
(Drink your drink then smash the glass on the ground)
Of all the games I’ve played this year, my favorite is Fallout 3. The first person action, the heavy RPG elements, the blues and jazz music played throughout, there are many things about Fallout 3 that just sucked me in. The aspect I liked most about Fallout 3 is the personality. The main driving plot, the differing cities you can visit, the rich conversations you can have with the NPCs, all of it just gave a depth and warmth to this world that is rarely seen in many other games. Maybe it’s the intellectual in me talking here but I appreciate games with a deep rich narrative.

Borderlands reminds me a lot of Fallout 3 if they stripped all of the personality out of that game. That’s not to say it’s a bad game. The inclusion of multiplayer in Borderlands is something that I was craving while I was playing Fallout 3. Watching a character easily thirty levels higher than you are steamroll through the environment while amazing that player with your ability to set enemies on fire with your sniper rifle is one of those gaming memories I hope to hold on to forever.

The weaponry in Borderlands is also more cartoonish in a good way. Grenades that deliver an electrical shock upon exploding, caustic revolvers that shoot man consuming acid, and sniper rifles that set people on fire are just a small sampling of the great bounty of weapons you can use to slaughter the denizens of the Borderlands. Sure none of it is at all realistic but if you want realism get a real gun and shoot real people. (Please note: Hunter Red does not advocate shooting people, it was merely a joke. :) )

Borderlands is a great game, one of my favorite to be put on the 360 this year. However, put it up against Fallout 3 and its flaws become fairly evident. Then again, given my opinion of Fallout 3, I could say that about any title. Borderlands is like Left 4 Dead in a way. I can go in, indiscriminately tear shit up, and then go about my day. Borderlands is a game I’ll be holding on to and pop in any time I want to set animals on fire. (Please note: Hunter Red does not, repeat NOT, advocate setting animals on fire.)
Borderlands: B-
Hunter Red: Poet
Emo’s Diner
By Hunter Red
I see a guy across the way
Who looks very much like me
But he is different in one key way
He is truly, deeply happy
The both of us order the same meal
Pancakes made in a homestyle way
I try to watch him but can’t, you see
There’s an obstruction in the way
We each go over our days
Work, school, TV
His overview takes longer, though
Not for increased quantity
I turn up my metal while I wait for my order
Mine takes one song
The order from across the way takes longer
His takes three songs
I tear into my pancakes
And eat them slowly
It’s not that I’m not hungry
No one’s home waiting for me
The waitress comes by to refill our drinks
I get a Coke
The guy across the way gets a Sprite
And a Cherry Coke
I eat my meal in silence
The other guy does not
The other patrons think I’m unusual
The other guy they care not
They guy across the way gets up to leave
The obstruction does us well
It’s hard not to look at the obstruction
As she looks so well
I see a guy across the way
Who looks a lot like me
The difference, he has her
I have only me
Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned Review
Remember the review of Borderlands I just did? (If not, go to the doctor and get your memory checked.) Remember the general complaint I had about Borderlands having no personality? Guess what? Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned accomplishes something I thought was impossible. This DLC has less personality than Borderlands. Yes, less than zero.

In the original game, when you encounter an enemy they will hoot and holler and scream about how they’re going to kill you. Also the enemies tend to come out of logical locations and there are a limited number of them. The enemies do respawn but it generally take some time to do so. This is changed in The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned.

First of all, all of the humanoid enemies from Borderlands are replaced with zombies. Many different kind of zombies but most are slow, dumb, and relentless, even in the face of physical obstacles. The result of this is a class of enemy that is really, really, boring. Also these enemies can spawn from anywhere at anytime in a seemingly unlimited amount. So throughout The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned you have to deal with an unpredictable, unrelenting, and uninteresting enemy. This kind of enemy would make any game suffer and it does exactly that to Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned.
Remember the end of my Borderlands review where I mentioned Left 4 Dead? I didn’t do that intentionally, I wrote the first review without even knowing what the DLC was, but now it seems fitting that I did. The zombies in Left 4 Dead made that game interesting, the zombies in Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned have the opposite effect, and the grade that I dive this DLC reflects that.

Borderlands: The Zombie Island Of Dr. Ned: C
The RCOA Official 2009 New Year’s Eve Toast
(Lift your glass with a drink in it into the air)
To 2009,
Goodbye, and GOOD RIDDANCE!
(Drink your drink then smash the glass on the ground)
Andy Samberg - I Threw it On The Ground - watch more funny videos
L
****- Death, Flames, and Rubber Gloves
Tiger Woods PGA 10 Wii Review

Hunter Red is at his doctor's office waiting to be examined. Hunter is sitting on the exam table when his doctor, Dr. Whitmore, enters with Hunter's chart in his hand.
Dr. Whitmore- So, Mr. Hunter-
Hunter Red- It's Mr. Red. My name is Hunter Red, Red is my last name.
Dr. Whitmore looks at the chart and says,
W- Sorry, I thought that was a typo. So, Mr. Red, it says here you're experiencing some arm pain.
H- Yes, my right shoulder is sore and some times my bicep will twitch on it's own.
W- Okay, lets have you take off your shirt and hold your arm out to the side.
Hunter does what the doctor asks and Dr. Whitmore starts to examine Hunter's arm.
W- Do you get much exercise Mr. Hunter?
R- Not really.
W- You play sports much?
R- No, I kind of really suck at them.
W- So, what were you doing when you started experiencing this discomfort?
R- I was playing the new Tiger Woods PGA.
W- What is that?
R- It's a video game.
W- You know, if you injure yourself playing a video game, you might be really out of shape.
R- Well I was playing it on the Wii, and on the Wii version of the new Tiger Woods game, you have to actually make the swinging motion.
W- So you actually have to swing to play the game?
R- Yeah.
W- And how well does that work?
R- It's kinda good. I haven't gotten down how to do a eighty or seventy-five percent swing, and putting is a pain in the ass-
W- Putting is a pain in real life.
R- Yeah but I've seen it done better ways in different games. Even the 360 version of this year's Tiger Woods has a better putting mechanic. You play golf Doctor?
W- Yeah, in real life, not in a video game.
R- What's your lowest round?
W- Full 18?
R- Yeah.
W- I shot an even par 72 once. I got really lucky that day. How about you?
R- Oh, I've never been golfing in real life.
W- No, I mean in this video game.
R- Oh, I shot a 57 at St. Andrews.
W- Was this just a one time occurrence like with my 72?
R- No, I've shot it five times. I just have to hit it the ball really close to the pin so I don't have to putt for too long of a distance.
W- Ah. Well, I see no real problems with your arm, it just seems like you don't get much exercise and started swinging your arms a lot.
R- Uh-huh.
W- Just give your arm a few days rest, but after that, stretch properly and get a good amount of exercise.
R- Okay.
Hunter hops down off the table and puts his shirt back on.
R- By the way, how much will this visit cost me?
W- Well, you have insurance, so it shouldn't cost you no more than $150.
R- $150? Why does it cost me so much?
W- Because you have insurance. If you didn't have insurance it would cost you considerably much more. Hope to see you again soon Mr. Hunter.
R- It's Mr. Red.
THE END
Tiger woods PGA Tour Wii: B-
The Truth Behind The Story

This week Eric Lempel, PlayStation Network's SCEA director of operations, said that there are no plans to go forward with offering on demand games in the future. Mr. Lempel blamed this on the substantial size of the games on PS3 thanks to the size capabilities of Blu-ray discs. He then went on to spout more propaganda about the wondrous glory of Sony, PS3, and Blu-ray technology.
Bullshit. First of all, outside of Metal Gear Solid 4, I can't think of any PS3 game that fully utilizes the storage capacity of the Blu-ray disc. Most come way short. Even so, with MGS4 they could download each chapter at the points that they installed the chapters regularly. Sure the downloads would take a long time, but that's due to the incompetent online architecture that is PSN, and therein lies the real problem.
If people were expected to utilize PSN more in their use of the Playstation 3 more people would come across the persistent problems that plague PSN. Inconsistent speeds, problems connecting and staying connected, far too frequent firmware updates, the length of time it takes to download and install things, and so on and so forth. More people using the service would lead to more bitching about the service. This is really why on demand games, Netflix instant streaming, and other bandwidth intensive activities are not possible right now. Sony must know the persistent problems that plague PSN, if they don't they are highly irresponsible. Almost as irresponsible is Sony not dealing with the problems and instead sweeping them under the rug and acting like they don't exist.
I really don't have a good ending for this rant. Hey look, a kittie!

Fallout 3 Point Lookout DLC Review

Like any other metropolitan area, the Salt Lake Valley has several malls. The one closest to where I live is called Valley Fair. I went out there the other day because I needed some shoes.
After weaving my way through the construction zone that is 3500 South, I entered Valley Fair parking lot and found a space quite easily. There were a smattering of cars in the lot, none bigger or better looking than my beloved Rubicon. I entered JC Penny's through the main entrance and immediately noticed how few people there were around. There were employees there, manning the tellers and arranging merchandise, but not much of anyone else. There weren't even any perverts staring at the lingerie clad mannequins.
I got my shoes, quickly I might add, then started back the way I came. That is until I felt some hunger pains and headed for the food court. When I left JC Penny's I saw more of what I had previously seen, a space with no people in it. The sound of my footsteps echoed like I was walking in an abandoned cavern, which I practically was. I saw employees, filling out Sodoku puzzles, playing handheld games, fiddling with their nails, and doing other things one does to kill time.
I got a slice of pepperoni and a Pepsi and sat down to eat it, easily finding a table. As I ate, the overwhelming thought I has was, "This place is dead." This is the same thought I had while I was playing the new Fallout 3 DLC, Point Lookout. Outside of those necessary to drive the quest forward and the one merchant on the boardwalk, there are no people in Point Lookout. Granted the Capital Wasteland wasn't brimming with people, but at least there were NPCs milling around with nothing to do in the bigger cities. The boardwalk in Point Lookout is as devoid of life as Valley Fair mall in West Valley City, neither of which are good signs for the future.
Fallout 3 Point Lookout DLC: B

Hunter Red is at his doctor's office waiting to be examined. Hunter is sitting on the exam table when his doctor, Dr. Whitmore, enters with Hunter's chart in his hand.
Dr. Whitmore- So, Mr. Hunter-
Hunter Red- It's Mr. Red. My name is Hunter Red, Red is my last name.
Dr. Whitmore looks at the chart and says,
W- Sorry, I thought that was a typo. So, Mr. Red, it says here you're experiencing some arm pain.
H- Yes, my right shoulder is sore and some times my bicep will twitch on it's own.
W- Okay, lets have you take off your shirt and hold your arm out to the side.
Hunter does what the doctor asks and Dr. Whitmore starts to examine Hunter's arm.
W- Do you get much exercise Mr. Hunter?
R- Not really.
W- You play sports much?
R- No, I kind of really suck at them.
W- So, what were you doing when you started experiencing this discomfort?
R- I was playing the new Tiger Woods PGA.
W- What is that?
R- It's a video game.
W- You know, if you injure yourself playing a video game, you might be really out of shape.
R- Well I was playing it on the Wii, and on the Wii version of the new Tiger Woods game, you have to actually make the swinging motion.
W- So you actually have to swing to play the game?
R- Yeah.
W- And how well does that work?
R- It's kinda good. I haven't gotten down how to do a eighty or seventy-five percent swing, and putting is a pain in the ass-
W- Putting is a pain in real life.
R- Yeah but I've seen it done better ways in different games. Even the 360 version of this year's Tiger Woods has a better putting mechanic. You play golf Doctor?
W- Yeah, in real life, not in a video game.
R- What's your lowest round?
W- Full 18?
R- Yeah.
W- I shot an even par 72 once. I got really lucky that day. How about you?
R- Oh, I've never been golfing in real life.
W- No, I mean in this video game.
R- Oh, I shot a 57 at St. Andrews.
W- Was this just a one time occurrence like with my 72?
R- No, I've shot it five times. I just have to hit it the ball really close to the pin so I don't have to putt for too long of a distance.
W- Ah. Well, I see no real problems with your arm, it just seems like you don't get much exercise and started swinging your arms a lot.
R- Uh-huh.
W- Just give your arm a few days rest, but after that, stretch properly and get a good amount of exercise.
R- Okay.
Hunter hops down off the table and puts his shirt back on.
R- By the way, how much will this visit cost me?
W- Well, you have insurance, so it shouldn't cost you no more than $150.
R- $150? Why does it cost me so much?
W- Because you have insurance. If you didn't have insurance it would cost you considerably much more. Hope to see you again soon Mr. Hunter.
R- It's Mr. Red.
THE END
Tiger woods PGA Tour Wii: B-
The Truth Behind The Story

This week Eric Lempel, PlayStation Network's SCEA director of operations, said that there are no plans to go forward with offering on demand games in the future. Mr. Lempel blamed this on the substantial size of the games on PS3 thanks to the size capabilities of Blu-ray discs. He then went on to spout more propaganda about the wondrous glory of Sony, PS3, and Blu-ray technology.
Bullshit. First of all, outside of Metal Gear Solid 4, I can't think of any PS3 game that fully utilizes the storage capacity of the Blu-ray disc. Most come way short. Even so, with MGS4 they could download each chapter at the points that they installed the chapters regularly. Sure the downloads would take a long time, but that's due to the incompetent online architecture that is PSN, and therein lies the real problem.
If people were expected to utilize PSN more in their use of the Playstation 3 more people would come across the persistent problems that plague PSN. Inconsistent speeds, problems connecting and staying connected, far too frequent firmware updates, the length of time it takes to download and install things, and so on and so forth. More people using the service would lead to more bitching about the service. This is really why on demand games, Netflix instant streaming, and other bandwidth intensive activities are not possible right now. Sony must know the persistent problems that plague PSN, if they don't they are highly irresponsible. Almost as irresponsible is Sony not dealing with the problems and instead sweeping them under the rug and acting like they don't exist.
I really don't have a good ending for this rant. Hey look, a kittie!

Fallout 3 Point Lookout DLC Review

Like any other metropolitan area, the Salt Lake Valley has several malls. The one closest to where I live is called Valley Fair. I went out there the other day because I needed some shoes.
After weaving my way through the construction zone that is 3500 South, I entered Valley Fair parking lot and found a space quite easily. There were a smattering of cars in the lot, none bigger or better looking than my beloved Rubicon. I entered JC Penny's through the main entrance and immediately noticed how few people there were around. There were employees there, manning the tellers and arranging merchandise, but not much of anyone else. There weren't even any perverts staring at the lingerie clad mannequins.
I got my shoes, quickly I might add, then started back the way I came. That is until I felt some hunger pains and headed for the food court. When I left JC Penny's I saw more of what I had previously seen, a space with no people in it. The sound of my footsteps echoed like I was walking in an abandoned cavern, which I practically was. I saw employees, filling out Sodoku puzzles, playing handheld games, fiddling with their nails, and doing other things one does to kill time.
I got a slice of pepperoni and a Pepsi and sat down to eat it, easily finding a table. As I ate, the overwhelming thought I has was, "This place is dead." This is the same thought I had while I was playing the new Fallout 3 DLC, Point Lookout. Outside of those necessary to drive the quest forward and the one merchant on the boardwalk, there are no people in Point Lookout. Granted the Capital Wasteland wasn't brimming with people, but at least there were NPCs milling around with nothing to do in the bigger cities. The boardwalk in Point Lookout is as devoid of life as Valley Fair mall in West Valley City, neither of which are good signs for the future.
Fallout 3 Point Lookout DLC: B
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****- Top Fifteen Depressing Bug Reviews
Top 15 List
This was inspired by posts from San_Andreas_666 and Cary Woodman, except I’m going all mad libs with mine. Enjoy, or don’t.
1. What is my all-time favorite arcade game?
The one furthest away from that creepy guy.
2. Favorite game series, any genre?
Superman
3. Favorite Final Fantasy hero?
The guy with the absurdly large sword that is in no way compensating for
anything.
4. Favorite Dragon Quest hero?
What is this Dragon Quest you speak of?
5. Favorite RPG series that is NOT Final Fantasy or Dragon Quest?
There are others?
Favorite character from the following fighting game series:
6. Street Fighter?
The blond American guy.
7. Mortal Kombat?
The blond American guy.
8. Virtua Fighter?
The blond American guy.
9. Tekken?
Nina Williams
11. Favorite early 90's Konami licensed beat-'em-up?
Hulk Hogan vs. A Vat of Caustic Acid
12. Favorite anime TV series?
The non-sci-fi one with no sexual tension that makes sense.
13. Which console do I own the most games for?
Virtual Boy
14. What state am I originally from?
Denial
15. Which state is my proposed "next GTA" modelled after?
The Salt Lake Valley Metro Complex-ville. Name: GTA: LDSin City.
:(
Quote from my review of The Watchmen:
This movie is a true triumph in the field of comic book cinema. I just hope this movie is successful. Otherwise, the era of black and white might return.
Quote from Comicbookmovie.com:
With Watchmen failing to reach that imaginary dollar mark that makes the studio feel good about themselves, WB is leaning towards no more R rated Superhero tent poles.
God damn it.

Fallout 3 The Pitt DLC Review (Written 3/25/09)

One of the things that continue to facinate me is Entomology, the study of bugs. I am facinated by social structure, communication tactics, and impact on the world around them. I will spend hours watching an inchworm make it's way across a tree stem.
That is why I found Fallout 3's new DLC, The Pitt, such a blast to play. The Pitt is mad buggy!

Fallout 3 The Pitt: I
Fallout 3 The Pitt DLC Review (Written 3/27/09)

I took a music class in college. One of the people I met in this class was a guy named Paul. He was great. He was into video games, anime, hardcore death metal, he was like me but cool.
One day Paul walked up to me and asked me if I was up for making some quick cash. Of course I was up for it, after all, Paul was my friend, and he offered me money. I went over to Paul's house where he gave me an address and a package. Paul told me to go to the address and give the package to a woman named Maria. Then Maria would give me a suitcase full of money that we would split. I asked Paul what was in the package and he said, "Something Maria thinks is very valuable and is willing to pay top dollar for." At that point I knew what Paul was having me do.
So I began to drive south, over the border, to the address in Monterrey, Mexico. When I got to the address, I was perplexed. The address appeared to be a run down Catholic mission. A woman came out of the building, walked over to me, and asked if she could help me. I asked the woman if she knew a maria, she told me she was Maria. I told her that I was here with a package from Paul. Maria went back in the building and came back with a briefcase. We make the exchange and parted ways, but I was curious, why would a person like her run this kind of business from a Catholic mission?
I crept up to the window and peered in. I saw Maria opening the package, her eyes lit up when she saw what was inside. Maria then said, in a loud resonate voice, "Kids!" A herd of children of various ages rushed into the room and crowded around Maria. Maria reached into the bag and began dispersing the contents of the package, a teddy bear for each and every child.

What the fuck! Paul used me and deceived me. I thought I was running drugs down to Mexico, not fucking teddy bears!
Ever since that day, I've had a problem with people using me to do things. Maybe that's why Fallout 3's The Pitt DLC left me with such a bitter taste in my mouth.
Wernher. That mother fucker. How dare he use me like that. Son of a trog.
Fallout 3 The Pitt DLC: B-
This was inspired by posts from San_Andreas_666 and Cary Woodman, except I’m going all mad libs with mine. Enjoy, or don’t.
1. What is my all-time favorite arcade game?
The one furthest away from that creepy guy.
2. Favorite game series, any genre?
Superman
3. Favorite Final Fantasy hero?
The guy with the absurdly large sword that is in no way compensating for
anything.
4. Favorite Dragon Quest hero?
What is this Dragon Quest you speak of?
5. Favorite RPG series that is NOT Final Fantasy or Dragon Quest?
There are others?
Favorite character from the following fighting game series:
6. Street Fighter?
The blond American guy.
7. Mortal Kombat?
The blond American guy.
8. Virtua Fighter?
The blond American guy.
9. Tekken?
Nina Williams
11. Favorite early 90's Konami licensed beat-'em-up?
Hulk Hogan vs. A Vat of Caustic Acid
12. Favorite anime TV series?
The non-sci-fi one with no sexual tension that makes sense.
13. Which console do I own the most games for?
Virtual Boy
14. What state am I originally from?
Denial
15. Which state is my proposed "next GTA" modelled after?
The Salt Lake Valley Metro Complex-ville. Name: GTA: LDSin City.
:(
Quote from my review of The Watchmen:
This movie is a true triumph in the field of comic book cinema. I just hope this movie is successful. Otherwise, the era of black and white might return.
Quote from Comicbookmovie.com:
With Watchmen failing to reach that imaginary dollar mark that makes the studio feel good about themselves, WB is leaning towards no more R rated Superhero tent poles.
God damn it.

Fallout 3 The Pitt DLC Review (Written 3/25/09)

One of the things that continue to facinate me is Entomology, the study of bugs. I am facinated by social structure, communication tactics, and impact on the world around them. I will spend hours watching an inchworm make it's way across a tree stem.
That is why I found Fallout 3's new DLC, The Pitt, such a blast to play. The Pitt is mad buggy!

Fallout 3 The Pitt: I
Fallout 3 The Pitt DLC Review (Written 3/27/09)

I took a music class in college. One of the people I met in this class was a guy named Paul. He was great. He was into video games, anime, hardcore death metal, he was like me but cool.
One day Paul walked up to me and asked me if I was up for making some quick cash. Of course I was up for it, after all, Paul was my friend, and he offered me money. I went over to Paul's house where he gave me an address and a package. Paul told me to go to the address and give the package to a woman named Maria. Then Maria would give me a suitcase full of money that we would split. I asked Paul what was in the package and he said, "Something Maria thinks is very valuable and is willing to pay top dollar for." At that point I knew what Paul was having me do.
So I began to drive south, over the border, to the address in Monterrey, Mexico. When I got to the address, I was perplexed. The address appeared to be a run down Catholic mission. A woman came out of the building, walked over to me, and asked if she could help me. I asked the woman if she knew a maria, she told me she was Maria. I told her that I was here with a package from Paul. Maria went back in the building and came back with a briefcase. We make the exchange and parted ways, but I was curious, why would a person like her run this kind of business from a Catholic mission?
I crept up to the window and peered in. I saw Maria opening the package, her eyes lit up when she saw what was inside. Maria then said, in a loud resonate voice, "Kids!" A herd of children of various ages rushed into the room and crowded around Maria. Maria reached into the bag and began dispersing the contents of the package, a teddy bear for each and every child.

What the fuck! Paul used me and deceived me. I thought I was running drugs down to Mexico, not fucking teddy bears!
Ever since that day, I've had a problem with people using me to do things. Maybe that's why Fallout 3's The Pitt DLC left me with such a bitter taste in my mouth.
Wernher. That mother fucker. How dare he use me like that. Son of a trog.
Fallout 3 The Pitt DLC: B-
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