Dear Sir or Madam,
The time has come for the planning stages of the first annual Four Star Gaming Awards. The awards are set to be announced on December 31, 2008 on my blogs on All Games Community, 1UP, and of course The Four Stars Blog itself at Redertainment.com.
So why do I send out this message to you, because I am asking for your help. My vision for these awards is to not just reflect the viewpoints of myself, but those who read my blog and have viewpoints of their own. However, you viewpoints can not be reflected in the Four Star Gaming Awards if you do not participate in them.
So I ask you to look over the award categories and come up with what you think should win in one, or if you so inclined, all categories. Also, write a little blurb about why you think this thing should win an award. If your reason is compelling enough, you just might be a credited and quoted blurbist in this The First Annual Four Stars Gaming Awards. However, in order to be included, your viewpoints must be submitted to me, preferably by e-mail at Redertainment@live.com, by Saturday, December 13th. That way I can ensure that this award show goes off on time.
Categories for the Four Stars Gaming Awards include:
Xbox 360 Game of the Year
PS3 Game of the Year
Wii Game of the Year
Download Game of the Year
Overall Game of the Year
Console of the Year
Best Gaming Moment of the Year
Worst Gaming Moment of the Year
Non-Gaming Thing Most Deserving of an Award
Thank You For Your Time
Hunter Red
Tom Clancy's Xerox Copyer
One of the features in Tom Clancy's EndWar is the ability to control the action via voice control. Here now is a sample of people using the feature.
"Attack. Attack red unit. Alpha Squad 7, attack red unit. Why won't you attack? Wait, Alpha Squad 7, attack the brown people. That didn't work either. Why aren't you attacking? What do you mean "does not recognize voice input"? Oh fuck it.
"Wait, now they're doing something. Yes, they're advancing toward the enemy, and- What are they doing? Alpha Squad 7 is taking off their uniforms and- Oh you've gotta be kidding me. Why the fuck are they showing me this, and why the fuck is Alpha Squad 7 fucking the enemy. God damn it!
"Where the fuck did that lightening bolt come from? What do you mean "Holy Vengeance Activated"? You don't listen to me when I give orders clearly outlined in the manual, but you listen to me when I say random bullshit! Guess now I know what it's like to raise a teenager. Now the Archangel is here, there's the Four Horsemen, and an angel who looks a lot like Matt Damon.
"Wait, let me try something. Brothel "Transportation Commencing". Now I'm in a completely different place. The signs are in a foreign text, so I don't know where I am, but it looks like a tightly packed, highly populated city in Asia. Also, it appears Alpha Squad 7 has been replaced with a lone little boy. That's strange. Okay, now there's this guy tapping me on the shoulder, he must be my guide for this mission. He's an extremely tall white guy who looks rather creepy to be honest. "Follow man." Okay the guy is leading me into a shabbily put together building. Now I'm in a room bathed in red light with this guy. Why is my guide taking his clothes off?
"Okay, fuck this game. I'm turning off the game, turning off my TV, and now I'm going to vomit. That is fucking disgusting! Why would a game like that come out of the mind of a conservative like Tom Clancy? Guess I know the next game to be a lightening rod for anti-video game groups. Fuck. I need to purge that imagery from my mind. I'm going to a strip club."
"Wait, now they're doing something. Yes, they're advancing toward the enemy, and- What are they doing? Alpha Squad 7 is taking off their uniforms and- Oh you've gotta be kidding me. Why the fuck are they showing me this, and why the fuck is Alpha Squad 7 fucking the enemy. God damn it!
"Where the fuck did that lightening bolt come from? What do you mean "Holy Vengeance Activated"? You don't listen to me when I give orders clearly outlined in the manual, but you listen to me when I say random bullshit! Guess now I know what it's like to raise a teenager. Now the Archangel is here, there's the Four Horsemen, and an angel who looks a lot like Matt Damon.
"Wait, let me try something. Brothel "Transportation Commencing". Now I'm in a completely different place. The signs are in a foreign text, so I don't know where I am, but it looks like a tightly packed, highly populated city in Asia. Also, it appears Alpha Squad 7 has been replaced with a lone little boy. That's strange. Okay, now there's this guy tapping me on the shoulder, he must be my guide for this mission. He's an extremely tall white guy who looks rather creepy to be honest. "Follow man." Okay the guy is leading me into a shabbily put together building. Now I'm in a room bathed in red light with this guy. Why is my guide taking his clothes off?
"Okay, fuck this game. I'm turning off the game, turning off my TV, and now I'm going to vomit. That is fucking disgusting! Why would a game like that come out of the mind of a conservative like Tom Clancy? Guess I know the next game to be a lightening rod for anti-video game groups. Fuck. I need to purge that imagery from my mind. I'm going to a strip club."
So there you have it, sample dialog from someone using the voice control feature in Tom Clancy's EndWar, a game that promises to be the end of video games as we know it.
Red Apologies
Recently Sony decided to recall Little Big Planet after concerns were raised over possible objectionable lyrics. Sony's actions have caused me to issue an apology of my own.
When I was seven, I was playing in the backyard with my friends. We were throwing the football around and, because of my athletic incompetence, I threw the football over the fence. When I hopped the fence to retrieve it, I discovered that I had smashed my neighbor's prized lawn gnome.
Being the good little boy I was, I admitted to it right away. I spent the next month mowing lawns and pulling weeds so I could buy my neighbor a new gnome, which I did. This incident, as well as my effort to repent for it, caused me to get to know my neighbor and become friends with him and his family. This is how I learned he was an Evangelical.
At this time, out of an overabundance of caution, I would like to apologize to the entire Evangelical faith for smashing that lawn gnome. My actions were misguided, not malicious. While I know that I can never make amends to you all for my destructive act, I hope you can accept my apology. Please don't use me as fuel for your next general objectionable media burning.
Namco Bailout Emminent?
After multi-billion dollar bailouts of Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, AIG, among others, the US Treasury is contemplating an over five hundred billion dollar toward a company based outside the US. The Bush Administration is set to infuse 522.80 Billion dollars into video game developer Namco.
Namco's rise and fall is typical of other recent bailout firms. They started well, gobbling up a seemingly endless line of capital with all consequences seemingly ignoring them. A couple of huge capital packages and some fruitful investments later, they turned their momentum skyward. This is when the trouble started. Their confidence, bordering on arrogance, was increased exponentially when they evaded the "ghosts" of their past and continued to swallow capital whole, seemingly oblivious to the possibility of a crash. It all came down on Namco on October 10th when the consequences surrounded them, available capital was non-existent, and the Pac-Man purveyor found itself a part of the Nikkei largest single day point loss in twenty years.
At their meeting on October 11th, the finance ministers of the world's richest countries announced a coordinated effort to infuse troubled banks with capital to make up for losses in the housing market. The Bush Administration also announced plans to buy stock in foreign companies that do business in the US, and Namco is one of the first.
MSNBC analyst and host of Mad Money Jim Cramer said about this deal, "THE WORLD IS FALLING APART!!! PEOPLE ARE THROWING AROUND MONEY RECKLESSLY!!! NOBODY KNOWS ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING!!! GAHHHHHK!!!" Shortly after making these comments, Mr. Cramer was taken to the hospital after suffering a heart attack.
Disgraced former lawyer Jack Thompson said about this deal, "How can a good, wholesome leader like George W Bush sign off on infusing money into a Godless company like Namco. How can companies like this continue to exist in the face of- GAHHHHHK!!!" Shortly after making these comments, Mr. Thompson was taken to the mortuary after being shot in the face by an unidentified red-headed satirist. A recording of this heroic figure can be found here: Zap Attack! Episode 1
This deal is being strongly objected to by the Democratic Congress, which is why it's expected to go through easily. This is because while Nancy Pelosi has bigger balls than Harry Reid, they both are nothing compared to the set on Condoleezza Rice.
HR+LBP=Taunting
I received a text message on Friday telling me a very special product had been made available. So I got in my car, ran down to my local independent record store (Graywhale), and got three things.
The first is this:
Keane- Perfect Symmetry
This is a band that I've been in to for a while now. I plan to listen to it at work on Saturday.
The second is...
Nightmare Revisited
I bought this because there's a Korn song on the CD, and I LOVE KORN!!!
The third is this:
Little Big Planet for PS3
That's right. I got one of the most hotly anticipated games for the PS3 on the Friday before the street date. Not pirated, not a beta, a totally legit and complete copy of the game. Just goes to show the value of frequenting your local independent record store. Sometimes you can get cool shit like this. Hahahahah!!!
So, what do I think of it? I can't tell you because I haven't played it yet! That's the great thing about buying games, you can take your sweet time getting around to playing it. I'll probably get around to playing it on Sunday though, so come look for me when you finally get your copy.
PSN Name: Redertainment
The first is this:
Keane- Perfect Symmetry
This is a band that I've been in to for a while now. I plan to listen to it at work on Saturday.
The second is...
Nightmare Revisited
I bought this because there's a Korn song on the CD, and I LOVE KORN!!!
The third is this:
Little Big Planet for PS3
That's right. I got one of the most hotly anticipated games for the PS3 on the Friday before the street date. Not pirated, not a beta, a totally legit and complete copy of the game. Just goes to show the value of frequenting your local independent record store. Sometimes you can get cool shit like this. Hahahahah!!!
So, what do I think of it? I can't tell you because I haven't played it yet! That's the great thing about buying games, you can take your sweet time getting around to playing it. I'll probably get around to playing it on Sunday though, so come look for me when you finally get your copy.
PSN Name: Redertainment
Details Annouced For Dance Hero
On September 27th, it was found that Activision had trademarked the name "Dance Hero". To this point, few details have been released on this game. Now, we here at the Redertainment News Network (RNN) have recieved exclusive details on this highly anticipated game. We present this to you here.
First of all, Dance Hero will not be a DDR knockoff. Activision chief Robert Kotick said, "While Dance Dance Revolution is a popular game, it does not hit the wide audience we strive to reach with every game we put out." Instead, Dance Hero will incorporate a number of different dance styles. From tap to ballet, from the foxtrot to swing dancing to dirty dancing. This will be accomplished by way of a new peripheral, a six foot by six foot free form dancepad that when not in use doubles as an area rug. This dancepad will feature no buttons, a soft cotton top, and a design that can be customized to match that carpet your parents bought on an acid trip.
In addition to the gameplay and the dancepad peripheral, details have been given to us about the boss stages. Here are several of them:
A stage set in a Cold War era Russian auditorium against renowned Russian ballet star Rudolf Nureyev.
A boss battle on the set of "Singing In The Rain" against Gene Kelly.
A boss battle on the set of Bright Eyes against Shirley Temple.
A boss battle on the Sesame Street set against Savion Glover.
And, in our last exclusive boss battle annoucement, a stage set in a summer camp in the Catskill Mountains against Patrick Swayze.
A release date has not been set for Dance Hero. However when it is released, expect Christian Coalition Corporation groups to object strongly to Dance Hero, because, as we all know, dancing is akin to satanism.
First of all, Dance Hero will not be a DDR knockoff. Activision chief Robert Kotick said, "While Dance Dance Revolution is a popular game, it does not hit the wide audience we strive to reach with every game we put out." Instead, Dance Hero will incorporate a number of different dance styles. From tap to ballet, from the foxtrot to swing dancing to dirty dancing. This will be accomplished by way of a new peripheral, a six foot by six foot free form dancepad that when not in use doubles as an area rug. This dancepad will feature no buttons, a soft cotton top, and a design that can be customized to match that carpet your parents bought on an acid trip.
In addition to the gameplay and the dancepad peripheral, details have been given to us about the boss stages. Here are several of them:
A stage set in a Cold War era Russian auditorium against renowned Russian ballet star Rudolf Nureyev.
A boss battle on the set of "Singing In The Rain" against Gene Kelly.
A boss battle on the set of Bright Eyes against Shirley Temple.
A boss battle on the Sesame Street set against Savion Glover.
And, in our last exclusive boss battle annoucement, a stage set in a summer camp in the Catskill Mountains against Patrick Swayze.
A release date has not been set for Dance Hero. However when it is released, expect Christian Coalition Corporation groups to object strongly to Dance Hero, because, as we all know, dancing is akin to satanism.
Nintendo Super Wii Confirmed
Like all of the other next-gen systems, rumors of the successor to the Nintendo Wii have been going around since the console's release. Some have even joked, "The next Nintendo platform, the Urinate, will consist of three Gamecubes duct taped together." Gamers have been crying out for a true next-gen high-def console from Nintendo, however Nintendo has seemingly ignored them. Nintendo has seemingly taken a cue from Capcom's latest release Mega Man 9. At this weeks Tokyo Game Show, Nintendo unveiled to the public their next console: The Nintendo Super Wii.
Among other features, the Nintendo Super Wii has a 16 bit core, can output 32768 colors, and has a 16 bit stereo output. The Super Wii does feature an internal storage of 8 GB, equal to the size of the hard drive in the original Xbox. The Super Wii is not expected to have online capabilities, but that may change depending on whether or not the internet can be purged of all content not suitable for children. My guess would be no.
Reaction from the gaming public has been mixed. AGISoundboard has been quoted as saying, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT!!!" ArvicolinaeLemmini said, "I love Nintendo and all that it does. I look forward to once again putting on my PJs, getting some cereal, and playing Super Mario all day long. Just like I did 20 years ago, in the same house too!" And finally, IHEART360 said, "Nintendo? Fuck that! I look forward to the day that Nintendo collapses, Microsoft buy them, and they release a game where i can use Master Chief to ruthlessly slaughter that bitch Mario. All hail Xbox!!!"
The Nintendo Super Wii is expected to be released in time for Holiday 2009, however, given Nintendo's track record, it will probably be readily available in Spring 2011.
By the way, for those of you who care, I now own my own website
Redertainment.com
Following in the steps of Peter Molynuex, I plan to have it up now, and in about a week or so, add stuff that is funny.
Response From Jason Chaffetz
For those of you who did not listen to Orange Lounge Radio, on Sunday I set out to craft an e-mail to ilicit a response from the two main candidates running for Congress in my district. I attempted to do so in a way that would not offend they who I do not respect, and hopefully get a response from them. I sent e-mails to Jason Chaffetz and Bennion Spencer. On Wednesday, I recieved a response from Mr. Chaffetz. I have posted it, and my reply to it here. Note: Some names have been changed to protect the red.
Mr. Chaffetz's Response
Date: Wed, 1 Oct 2008 07:35:30 -0600
From: jason@chaffetz.com
To: redertainment@live.com
Subject: Re: A Voter Looking For More Information About You
Thank
you for the email. Honestly, I am not familiar with the proposed
legislation. Please forward me the bill number, etc. so I can review
it.
you for the email. Honestly, I am not familiar with the proposed
legislation. Please forward me the bill number, etc. so I can review
it.
On Sun, Sep 28, 2008 at 9:52 PM, Hunter Red <redertainment@live.com> wrote:
Dear Sir,
I am a voter living in
the third congressional district, which you are running to represent.
Unfortunately, I do not know much about you, and I do strive to be a
well informed voter, which is why I am writing this e-mail to you
today. I am curious as to what you feel are the main issues is this
election and how you feel about them.
There is one issue I do want your opinion on. I am curious how you
feel about the currently pending federal legislation that has to do
with restricting Mature rated video games to minors. As an avid video
game player, this issue is of great importance to me. While my opinion
of you may not hinge on this issue, it will sway it heavily.
Thank you for reading my e-mail today, and, hopefully, your response.
Hunter Red
--
Jason Chaffetz
My Response To Mr. Chaffetz
Dear Jason,
First of all, thank you for your response. I also sent an message to
your opponent, and the fact that you responded first is a big plus to
me.
As far as your request for the bill number, there are actually three
bills pending in the Congress that pertain to video games. These bills
are:
Video Game Decency Act of 2007 – H.R. 1531
Truth in Video Game Rating Act – S. 568
Children Protection from Video Game Violence & Sexual Content Act – H.R. 2958
First of all, thank you for your response. I also sent an message to
your opponent, and the fact that you responded first is a big plus to
me.
As far as your request for the bill number, there are actually three
bills pending in the Congress that pertain to video games. These bills
are:
Video Game Decency Act of 2007 – H.R. 1531
Truth in Video Game Rating Act – S. 568
Children Protection from Video Game Violence & Sexual Content Act – H.R. 2958
There are also a number of states that have similar laws that are
either passed, on judicial appeal, or have been struck down. One that
particularity concerns me is California's “Ultra violent Video Games”
- Assembly Bills 1792 & 1793. The reason this bill concerns me is
that this is basically the same bill as Louisiana's HB 1381, which was
stuck down in November 2006. I have already resigned myself to the
fact that some sort of legislation will materialize to reign in the
availability of violent video games to minors, but methods like this
seem to not be productive. After all, how effective can a law be that
is struck down? More info about legislation of this nature can be
found here:
http://www.gamecensorship.com/legislation.htm
Again, thank you for responding to me, and I hope to hear more from you in the future
Hunter Red
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