The Haircut Joke

I've been spending the past couple of weeks writing my book, including a hard push this past week. As a result, I did not written anything gaming related this past week. So, I'm posting this joke I wrote a couple of years ago. Enjoy!

So, I went to get a haircut one day. I went to the same place I had gone to for years, with the same stylist I had for years, same everything. So I go in, she sits me down, puts the cape on me and goes to work. We engage in small talk for a while, nothing too significant, same normal stuff. Then I noticed something. The woman who was cutting my hair had her crotch on my arm.

This was weird. This had never really happened to me before, and certainly not with this stylist. I didn't know how to react to it, so I just did nothing, thinking that this situation was temporary. However this situation with this woman's crotch being on my arm persisted. Not only did it persist, it got worse. As this woman was working, she was moving back and forth, up and down, in and out, all this movement was reflected in her crotch. It was like groping in reverse.

Now being the fine, upstanding, chaste individual I am, I was not excited by this situation. I swear. Instead I wanted this situation to end. Now at this time my arms were on the outer edges of the armrests of the chair I was sitting in. So I decided to move my arms from the outside edges to the center. I didn't tell her I was going to do this, I didn't inform her of the situation, I just decided to do it. However, when I moved my arms in, the stylist moved her crotch in.

When this happened I thought that something was up. After all, how could this woman not know that her crotch was on my arm? However, if something was up, the stylist wasn't reflecting it. The stylist kept on making small talk, cutting hair, and reverse groping my arm. Now, I didn't want to make a big deal of this. It would be embarrassing for her, embarrassing for me, and embarrassing for anyone else involved.

So, I decided to move my arm again. I decided to move my arm from the middle of the armrest pad to the inside edge of the pad. Again, I made no mention of it, I just did it, and, just like before, I moved my arm in and she moved her crotch in.

So now I know something is up, and now this situation is annoying me. However, I didn't want to make a deal of it. I've been getting my haircut from this woman for years and this is the first time I had been displeased in any way. I've had a longer relationship with this woman than I had my girlfriend, and I didn't want to blow it.

So I decided to make the final move I could make. I decided to take my arm off the pad entirely and put them straight down. Again, I make no mention of my intentions, I just did it. Now this situation was resolved. Finally the stylist's crotch was no longer on my arm. Instead, now it was on my shoulder.

Now the situation was infuriating. The situation had persisted despite my actions to rectify it. Now it was time. The time had come to embarrass my long time stylist and make a big deal of this situation.

So I pulled away from the stylist's scissors, turned my head to her and said, "Mom, if you could keep your crotch to yourself, I'd appreciate that very much."


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