Seventeen Questions To Live

Once again I am looking toward a magazine for questions that would be embarrassing for me to answer and would make my audience squirm.  I read the July/August 2014 issue of Playboy Magazine, the one with Bianca Balti on the cover, pictured above.  I poured over this issue looking for anything resembling a collection of questions that would potentially be embarrassing for anyone to answer, specifically embarrassing for me............ and I found nothing.  Nothing that I found in this issue constitutes something low brow that only serves to embarrass the subject.  Perhaps that is why Playboy is called "Entertainment For Men", as opposed to "Entertainment For Boys"....

Which is what Maxim appears to be, because when I went looking in the July/August 2014 issue of Maxim for embarrassing questions I quickly found the material I was looking for.  The questions I am answering come from an article done with Mark Wahlberg entitled "24 Hours To Live", which appears on the last page of the July/August 2014 issue of Maxim Magazine.

So how do you want to go?
Why do you ask?  Also, why do you have that gun?

Now give us the Michael Bay-directed, high-octane, explosion-packed version.
Okay.  Turn the camera on for three hours and I'll do nothing that people find to be interesting.

Do you have any deathbed confessions?
Yes, I am the Zodiac Killer.  Also, I am DB Cooper, Jack The Ripper, and the Walrus.  Coo coo ca choo.

Do you think that's enough to send you to hell, or will you be going to heaven?
Being an Athiest, I don't believe in Heaven, or Hell for that matter.

If you could take one Transformer with you, which would you take and why?
There's a transformer up the road that supplies power to my neighborhood.  If they don't have power where I am going, can I take that with me?

You're an avid golfer.  If you make it to heaven, who would you most like to tee it up with in the afterlife?
Someone who I could beat, so no one.

How would the Entourage crew fare in a Decepticon attack?
I have no idea how to answer any part of that question.

What about your furry pal Ted?
Is Tedakin furry?  I've never thought about that.

What did you spend the most money on during your lifetime?
I've never really thought about that.  The most expensive thing I've ever bought was Rubi, my car, but that's about to be eclipsed when I accomplish Project Buy A House.

Name one thing you're glad you'll never have to do again on Earth.
Answer these questions.

What's the wildest thing you ever did while you were alive?
This one time, I went to bed WITHOUT BRUSHING MY TEETH!  Hahaha, but seriously, Allison.

Do you spend your last day in Boston, New York, or L.A., and why?  And how are you spending it?
Given the choices, spending my last day in Boston watching a Red Sox game seems appealing to me.  But, again, why are you asking me this?  Also, why do you have that gun?

If you could come back and spy on someone who's still alive, who would it be and why?
If I wanted to spy on people I would have taken that job with the NSA.

What is your proudest accomplishment?
Paying off my car loan a year and a half early.  I could say Project Buy A House but I haven't quite accomplished that yet.

What is your biggest regret?
Answering these questions.

What there anyone on Earth you wanted to punch in the face?
Yes, and I did.  Then I ran.

Got any last words?
Look, you need to put that gun away, you're concerning me.