The Wedding Of Hunter Red And Robin Anderson

Gnasu Reception Hall- Evening

Friends, family, and random people from the internet are gathered in the main ballroom at the Gnasu Reception Hall. They have all gathered to celebrate the wedding of Hunter Red and Robin Anderson. However, the happy couple is not currently in the ballroom. Instead, Robin and Hunter are on the second floor of the reception hall on a balcony looking over the ballroom, watching the party that is being held for them.

Robin- Wow. This all looks great.
Hunter- Yeah. Last time a crowd this big gathered for me was right before I had this bucket of pig's blood dumped on me.
Robin- It's a real shame this was all a rouse to get people to care about your book.
Hunter- You know, we could get married tonight. We could drive down to Vegas, hit up some all night chapel, and spend the next day bumping married uglies.
Robin- We could. We won't but we could.

Robin and Hunter continue to look over the ballroom. They see their parents conversing and getting along. They see Liz spinning dope beats under the moniker DJ Elizabeth The Great. They even see Seifer Kinneas attempting to pick up girls that are way too young and way too sober to find him attractive.

Hunter- I guess we should go down there.
Robin- Yep, I guess we should.

Robin pats Hunter on the back, accidentally sending Hunter over the railing of the balcony, down to the floor below. Robin rushes downstairs to her lover as the crowd gathers to see if Hunter is all right. The camera sees the world as Hunter does, looking up at the white ceiling of the Gnasu Reception Hall and the florescent lights that hang therein. Robin, not wanting to injure him any further, stands over Hunter and says-

Robin- Hunter. HUNTER! Are you okay? Oh god, get some help. HUNTER!!!

As Hunter continues to look up at the ceiling of the room he's in, he blinks. When he does so, the light filling the room changes from the bright florescent lights to the dull natural light that usually fills Hunter's office at The Redertainment Corporation Of America. When Hunter blinks again, the ceiling changes from the white ceiling that is at the Gnasu Reception Hall to the red ceiling that is at Hunter's office. As Hunter continues to blink, all the people that were at the party to celebrate Hunter and Robin's wedding go away, one by one. Eventually the only person left in Hunter's field of vision is his love, Robin. Hunter, still hurt, picks himself up from what turns out to be the floor of his office.

Hunter- Ow. Fuck. What happened? My head feels like it's been hit with something.

Hunter turns around to where Robin is standing.

Hunter- Robin, what happened?
Robin- What do you think happened?
Hunter- We were pulling that fake wedding prank, as a way to get people to care about my new book, when I fell over a balcony onto a ballroom floor.
Robin- That didn't happen.
Hunter- What do you mean?

Robin starts to walk toward Hunter. She hold either side of his face and says-

Robin- How did we meet?
Hunter- What do you mean?
Robin- How did you, Hunter Red, meet me, Robin Anderson?

Hunter thinks for a second.

Hunter- I don't know. I don't know how we met.
Robin- Have we had sex?
Hunter- Yeah.
Robin- What was out first time like?
Hunter- Excuse me?
Robin- In detail, how did our first sexual experience go?

Hunter thinks for a second.

Hunter- I don't know.
Robin- Hunter, aren't those things that usually stick out in a person's mind? Aren't those the kinds of things that people remember, not just for a fleeting moment, but for a long time, even untill death?
Hunter- Unless one or both of the people are drunk when they happen.
Robin- But even then, don't they have at least a vague idea as to how it happened?
Hunter- Yeah.
Robin- Do you have a vague idea as to how it happened for us?

Hunter thinks for a second.

Hunter- No.
Robin- Hunter, I am not real. I am not a real person, I am not your real girlfriend, I am a creation of your imagination.

Hunter pulls away from Robin's grasp.

Hunter- No. No, that can't be true. You are real. You have to be. How can I be in love with someone who is not real.
Robin- You're a nerd. You've seen this kind of thing before.
Hunter- No, not in the way that nerds love Aeries, or Princess Amidala, or Scarlett Johansson. I have a deep, emotional attachment to you Robin. I love you in the purest, most romantic sense. I love you Robin.
Robin- Then kiss me.

Hunter is shocked by this request.

Hunter- Okay, I will.

Hunter walks over to where Robin is standing. He tries to place his hands on Robin face, like her hands did his, but Hunter's hands go right through Robin. Hunter attempts to touch Robin's shoulder only to have the same thing happen. Finally Hunter goes in for the kiss, but Hunter's head sails right through Robin's.

Hunter- No. No. This- this- this can't be. How- how-
Allison- Hunter.

Hunter turns to where his office door is. There he finds his mother, Allison, along with his father, Elvis, and his grandfather, Rodger.

Allison- Hunter.
Hunter- Mom. Dad. Grandpa. What are you doing here?
Allison- Liz called us. She found you lying of the floor of your office, passed out.
Hunter- But how did I get here?
Elvis- I venture this has something to do with it.

Elvis holds up an empty bottle of Grey Goose.

Hunter- Was I drunk last night?
Allison- As near as we can figure.
Rodger- In fact, as Liz has told us, you have been drunk nearly everyday at work for nearly a year now.
Hunter- Why can't I remember it?
Elvis- You were drunk. Being drunk tends to effect your memory.
Hunter- But why have I been drunk?
Elvis- Well, at about this time last year, you released The Hawk: Consequences Of Mayorust, and, outside of us, no one cared.
Hunter- Yeah.
Allison- Then you had that breakup with that Scarlet girl.
Hunter- Gwen?
Allison- Yeah.
Roger- Not only did Gwen cheat on you, but she lied to about it. People lying to you has always rubbed you the wrong way.
Hunter- So, all of that trauma caused a psychological break?
Elvis- No son. Instead of dealing with that trauma in a healthy and constructive manner, you drank. A lot.
Allison- I haven't seen this many empty bottles since I got really into recycling.

Hunter looks around the floor of his office and sees a great number of empty bottles of many different alcoholic brands.

Hunter- I guess I have been drinking a lot lately.
Rodger- Hunter, you need help.
Allison- First off, let's get you home. You smell like you haven't seen a shower in six months, much less taken one.

Elvis walks over to Hunter to support him as he walks.

Elvis- Come on son. I know of some people who can really help people like you.
Rodger- And don't worry about your job. You may have been drunk off your ass for a year, but you're the only productive employee we have.
Hunter- Hell, I might as well be the only employee at Redertainment.

The camera takes a view from behind Hunter's desk out the door to Hunter's office as Hunter, Elvis, Allison, and Rodger walk out of Hunter's office and out of the offices of The Redertainment Corporation Of America. Once the four principal players walk out of frame, the camera pans down to see what is on Hunter's desk. On it is a stack of stapled papers. The cover page of this stack reads "The Black Robin Christmas Carol by Hunter Red". Also on the desk is a spinning top that, although occasionally wobbling, does not fall.

END SCENE

Hell Message Aficionado

Marcus- Hell Oh Well Review

Hunter Red is sitting in his office at The Redertainment Corporation Of America. He is busily writing something at his desk, occasionally snickering as he does so. Hunter occasionally ponders as he writes, then gets back to creating and snickering. Finally, Hunter finishes what he's writing and says-

"End Scene. There it is. The most spectacular piece of satire I've ever written. It has all the perfect elements. Absurdity, fucked up shit, a Republican getting beaten like a pinata, this is it. This is as perfect as I can get."

The chime of Twitter being updated is heard coming from Hunter's computer.

"Oh look, Marcus has released a comedy CD on iTunes. I remember seeing the taping of his comedy special in May. That was a fucking awesome show. I think I'll buy his CD. I'll download it and listen to it now."

Roughly an hour and a half later, depending on internet speeds, Hunter finishes listening to Marcus' Hell Oh Well.

"Man. I feel suddenly inadequate."

Hunter then opens one of the drawers of his desk, pulls out a full bottle of vodka, puts it on his desk, and says-

"Oh vodka. It's a shame I won't be drinking you."

Hunter gets up form this desk, walks over to where his garbage can is, picks it up, walks over to the window, opens the window, and tosses the contents of his garbage can out the window. Hunter then places the garbage can in the center of his office, and grabs the vodka bottle and the satirical piece he just wrote off his desk. Hunter puts the satirical piece in the garbage can, empties the contents of the vodka bottle into the can, starts fishing around in his pockets, and produces a book of matches.

Hunter holds the matchbook aloft, marveling at the logo form the bar long since closed. Hunter goes through the process of striking a single match, sets the entire matchbook on fire, damn near burns himself, then drops the matchbook into the garbage can.

The garbage can erupts in flames. Awesome flames.

"Wow! That fire is cool. Not as cool as Marcus' CD, but still cool."

An alarm sounds and the sprinklers in Hunter's office go off, putting out the fire and soaking Hunter to the bone.

"That was not cool."


END SCENE

Marcus- Hell Oh Well: A-

Link to iTunes Page



My Mom, Porn Aficionado

Recently, driven by her appearance on ABC's Dancing With The Stars, rumors have been circulating about a sex tape starring actress Jennifer Grey. Stories about this sex tape paint it as a scandalous matter, the kind that fills every celebrity gossip rag in print today. However, I question whether or not this is a scandal. A Jennifer Grey sex tape has been in wide circulation for years. In fact, my mom owns a copy of this sex tape. It is one that she watches frequently, and is not ashamed to tell her family, friends, and random strangers, that she not only watches it, she likes it. I remember several occasions where I, as a child, was made by my mother to watch the Jennifer Grey sex tape. I did not like the Jennifer Grey sex tape then, and still don't today. My fiance has viewed the Jennifer Grey sex tape and, while she doesn't like it as much as my mother does, she does have a certain affinity for it. Maybe it's a girl thing.




Anita Apology

The following is a transcript of a telephone conversation held between the two men pictured above, PrideUtah founder Eric Ethington and LDS General Authority Boyd K. Packer. This conversation, held on Thursday October 21st, 2010, is in response to protests organized by Eric Ethington over Boyd K. Packer's controversial comments at the most recent LDS Church General Conference.

Ring Ring Ring

Eric- Hello?
Boyd- Hello, is this Eric Etherington?
Eric- Actually, it's Ethington.
Boyd- Ah, it's good to talk to you Mr. Etherington. This is Boyd Packer speaking. I'm calling you in reference to a story I read recently.
Eric- The one where I criticize you over the comments you made at General Conference?
Boyd- No, the story that broke on Wednesday involving Mrs. Thomas and Miss Hill.
Eric- The one where Virginia Thomas asked for an apology from Anita Hill for the sexual harassment allegations she levied against her husband, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.
Boyd- Exactly. Well, I'm calling you today to ask you to do something for me.
Eric- What is that?
Boyd- I would like you to apologize to me.
Eric- For what?
Boyd- For existing.

There is a short pause.

Eric- Excuse me?
Boyd- Did you not hear me clearly? I'm not quite used to these newfangled telephonic machines. Do I need to repeat myself?
Eric- No, no, I heard you, I just can't believe what I just heard.
Boyd- What do you mean?
Eric- You want me
Boyd- Yes.
Eric- Eric Ethington
Boyd- Etherington.
Eric- to apologize
Boyd- Yes.
Eric- to you
Boyd- Yes.
Eric- for existing?
Boyd- Yes.

There is a short pause.

Eric- Is this a joke?
Boyd- I don't follow.
Eric- This has got to be a joke. Not only is it absurd for you to be calling me, but it is completely absurd that you just asked me to apologize for existing.
Boyd- No, this isn't a joke. I am calling you to apologize to me for existing as a homosexual, non-faithful, liberal, with long hair.
Eric- No, this has got to be a joke.
Boyd- What makes you think this is a joke? Why would anyone pull a joke like this?
Eric- To fuck with me.

At this point the phone conversation abruptly ends.

END TRANSCRIPT



You're All Invited

Elvis and Allison Red And Denis and Marissa Anderson
are proud to announce the wedding of
Hunter Wallace Red and Robin Crystal Anderson
On November First, in the year of your Lord Two Thousand and Ten.
A private ceremony will be held with a public reception to follow at the Gnasu Reception Hall at 8583 South East Temple, Sandy, Utah at 7PM. All are invited to attend the reception and wish the happy couple a joyous and fruitful life together.
The couple is registered at The Blue Boutique.
Open Bar

Gloating: Not Funny

The Thing I Dread Most: Dinner With My Parents



Allison Red heard of a tradition held by other families that she wanted to emulate, the Sunday dinner. To that end, Allison obligated her only child, Hunter Red, to bring his fiance, Robin Anderson, to come over to the Red Family Household for dinner and conversation. Rounding out this family get-together was the patriarch of the Red family, Elvis Red. As this was a day that he did not work or did not have to drive, Elvis was drinking. The scene begins with Hunter and Robin arriving at the door with their contribution to the meal, Robin's homemade potato salad. Hunter knocks on the door and Allison answers.

Allison- Hunter! Robin!
Robin- Hello Allison.
Hunter- Hello Mother.
Allison- Hunter, how many times have I asked you not to call me Mother?
Hunter- Many times, which is why I continue to do it.
Robin- I hope it's okay that I brought potato salad.
Elvis(In the other room)- Did I hear that right?

A look of dread comes over Allison and Hunter.

Robin- What's wrong?
Elvis(In the other room)- Did I hear that someone's brought counterfeit potato salad?

Robin looks at Hunter and Allison oddly.

Robin- What does he mean?
Allison- Come on in, dinner's nearly ready.

Hunter and Robin enter the Red Family Household. Robin goes with Allison to the kitchen to put the potato salad in the fridge while Hunter goes down to the den with Elvis, who is watching TV.

Hunter- Hey dad.
Elvis- (Elvis makes a noise that sounds like a cross between a chicken clucking and a dog barking.)
Hunter- I see you're enjoying the Ironman 2.
Elvis- Yes. I know it's not in high definition Blu-ray.
Hunter- Yep.
Elvis- I just don't see the difference between this and DVD.
Hunter- Really, because I remember showing you Torchwood: Children Of Earth. That just looks-
Elvis- What's that?
Hunter- What?
Elvis- That thing you just mentioned, Torching Children?
Hunter- No, Torchwood. It's a British television series.
Elvis- Look, as far as I'm concerned, British TV starts and ends with Monty Python, and that isn't worth putting out on Blu-ray.
Hunter- So, I take it Fawlty Towers doesn't exist?
Elvis- What?
Hunter- Fawlty Towers.
Elvis- Aw, you can stop that conspiracy talk right now.
Hunter- What?
Elvis- It doesn't matter how well a tower is made, if a guy runs a plane into it, it'll collapse.
Hunter- What are you talking about?
Elvis- You and your Twin Towers planted explosion faulty tower bullshit.

Hunter sighs in exasperation.

Hunter- Fawlty Towers is a series starring John Cleese where he runs a hotel.

Elvis looks at Hunter blankly.

Elvis- Allison! You need help with dinner?
Allison(In the kitchen)- No, Robin and I have things handled.
Elvis- Hunter, go see if your mom needs help with dinner.
Allison(In the kitchen)- I don't need his help.
Elvis- Hunter, go see if your mom needs help with dinner.

Hunter leaves the den for the kitchen. In the kitchen, Allison is busy making gravy for dinner, roast with rice, salad, and potato salad, while Robin is fiddling with Allison's new laptop.

Allison- What I don't understand is why Hunter is so endeared with Firefox. It seems to be just as fast as Internet Explorer.
Robin- I think he just likes sticking it to the man.
Hunter- And the woman.
Elvis(In the den)- Allison!
Allison- Yes dear.
Elvis(In the den)- Why don't you have Huner chop up some vegetables?
Allison- We're not having vegetables with dinner. We're having roast with rice, salad, and potato salad.
Elvis(In the den)- And vegetables! Vegetables instead of counterfeit potato salad.
Robin(To Hunter)- Why is he saying my potato salad is counterfeit?
Hunter- I have no idea.
Allison- Dinner should be ready in about ten minutes. Hunter, could you start setting the table?
Hunter- Of course.

Hunter starts gathering the plates and silverware as Robin finishes up with Allison's laptop.

Robin- Well, there you are, you should be maintaining your Farmville farm at peak efficiency.
Allison- Great, maybe now I can beat Liz.
Elvis(In the den)- I don't hear veggie cutting.
Robin- How would he hear that?

Allison sticks her head in the freezer.

Allison- Oh damn, we're out of ice. Hunter, would you run down to the store and het some ice?
Hunter- Sure.

Hunter starts making his way to the door.

Robin- We need ice?
Hunter- Robin, would you like to come with me?

Robin doesn't quite know what to make of this.

Robin- Sure.

Robin gets up to leave with Hunter.

Elvis(In the den)- Ice is not veggies, you can't cut ice.

Hunter and Robin walk out the front door, closing it behind them. As they make their way out to the car, Robin says-

Robin- What your dad just said didn't make sense.
Hunter- No, it did not.
Robin- And that conversation you two had, I remember you showing him Torchwood on Blu-ray.
Hunter- He doesn't.
Robin- That seems strange.

Hunter stops and looks directly at Robin.

Hunter- Robin, if I ever get like that, I want you to shoot me.

Robin doesn't quite know what to make of this. Hesitantly, she says-

Robin- Okay. Let's just hope it doesn't come to that.
Hunter- Not if I have anything to do about it.

Hunter and Robin get in their car to go off to the store.

END SCENE



And Now Something To Gloat About

As you have been annoyingly told many times, I am getting married on November 1st. Recently, my fiance, Robin, had some glamour shots taken of her. I'd show them to you, but they are incredibly racy. Also, the photographer doesn't want me posting them on this blog. However, rest assured, if I posted them here, you would be intensly jealous. Damn.

Chinese Democracy Delayed AGAIN!

We were rightfully shocked when Chinese Democracy was given a firm release date back at E3 in June. It's been a very long time coming and, unfortunately, it's going to be a little longer before fans can finally get their hands on it.

Geffen Computer Entertainment of America producer Caram Costanzo just announced on the Geffen Records Blog that Chinese Democracy will not make its expected November 2 release date. He did add, however, that "the game's release will be coming this holiday season." You can probably be forgiven if you're skeptical of that claim.

Costanzo explained, "We sincerely apologize to GnR fans for the delay, however, creator Axel Rose and the team at Guns ‘N Roses want to make certain they are creating the perfect racing experience, and we are confident that this ambitious game will exceed expectations when it launches."

We've seen purported release windows come and go, but this had a firm date that looked pretty realistic. With it being nearly seventeen years since the last full Guns ‘N Roses release (Use Your Illusion I and II was released in Japan in December 1992 and in North America in February 1993) and Duke Nukem Forever actually looking like it'll finally come out, Chinese Democracy coming out in a few weeks actually seemed like it was going to happen.

The blog post promises more information in the "near future;" hopefully we'll get a release date that Guns And Roses can stick to this time.

Original Story
Chinese Democracy Wiki

Suing A Sighing Childhood Mitt Ruiner

The Prototype

Good evening, I am Dr. Heiter. I am a doctor with an interest in experimental science. Much of my life's work has been leading up to this.

This is my human centipede. Three human beings, surgically attached together, literally sewn anus to mouth. The process that lead up to this marvelous work was captured in the documentary film Human Centipede.

It took me years to perfect the technique necessary to craft the human centipede. I went through many prototypes in the search for perfection. This is archival footage of just such a prototype.




Thoughts About The Social Network

I was listening a discussion about The Social Network, which I saw on Sunday, and thought about one of the impressions I, and many film critics, had about the film.

Currently, Tom Cruise has a problem connecting with audiences and drawing people to his films. People have said that this is because when they see Tom Cruise in a film they cannot see the character that Tom Cruise is playing, they see the couch jumping crazy Scientologist that many people think he is. I believe Justin Timberlake has the same problem. When I first saw Shawn Parker in The Social Network, I thought, "Hey look, it's Justin Timberlake." Later on I thought, "There's Justin Timberlake in a club" "There's Justin Timberlake wearing glasses for some reason" "There's Justin Timberlake snorting cocaine off an underage intern's belly". I could not see the character of Shawn Parker as anything other than Justin Timberlake.

There are many film critics who have the same thought as I do about Justin Timberlake's performance in The Social Network, and they criticize the film for it. However, upon hearing this discussion about The Social Network, my thoughts have changed. In this discussion, they stated that the person who started Napster was a guy named Shawn Fanning and that the name of the character in the film might have been changed to avoid a lawsuit. Finding out that the person portrayed in the movie is actually named Shawn Fanning and that Shawn Fanning is a pretty litigious guy made me think again about why Justin Timberlake was chosen for this role. Perhaps the makers of the film chose Justin Timberlake because people could not suspend their disbelief. They would see the character of Shawn Parker as Justin Timberlake and not Shawn Fanning and not get their asses handed to them in court.

Later on I found out that Napster was actually launched by two people, Shawn Fanning and Sean Parker. Sean Parker did actually go on to work with Facebook in the way that is portrayed in The Social Network, but I still believe the point and the reasoning behind it is valid. What are your thoughts?



(Insert Name Here) For (Insert Name Here) For (Insert Office Here)

At a fundraiser Tuesday, former Presidential Candidate Mitt Romney announced his support for four Republican politicians running for various offices in Utah, including current Utah Governor Gary Herbert. However, Mr. Romney's statement while announcing his support was very strange to say the least. In his statement, Romney said:

"I wholeheartedly support this fine gentleman, Insert Name Here, for the office of Insert Office Here, representing the fine state of Insert Location Here. Insert Name Here will be an excellent public servant as he works in Location Where Candidate Will Work If Elected to push back against the Obama socialist agenda that is sweeping through this country. I know that the mainstream media will be critical of Insert Name Here and his efforts to bring true conservative values back to this fine country, but I know of Insert Name Here's strengths. He is strong in family, he is strong in principals, and, most importantly, Insert Name Here is strong in the values that built this country. I look forward to working with Insert Name Here in the future as I have worked with him in the past. Thank you Insert Name Of City I'm In Here."

When asked about the strange comments he had just made, Mitt Romney said, "Huh?"



Something Truly Distressing

Like many other places of work, my workplace has bathrooms. Also like many other places of work, these bathrooms include air fresheners. These air fresheners, while integral to ensuring the bathrooms at work don't fall into a state of utter squalor, are a bit distressing to me. This is because when the air fresheners at my work go off, they sound like a large man sighing. There is nothing more distressful in this world than hearing a strange man sighing when you have your pants around your ankles. Now, imagine how much more distressful that would be if the bathrooms at work looked like this:




I Cannot Agree More

PRIDEinUtah

Red Taunts You. Yes, YOU!

The Setup


Hunter is sitting in his office, wading through the massive amount of hate mail he received as a result of Capital Bush, when Rodger Red walks in.

Rodger- Hunter.
Hunter- Rodger.
Rodger- Good day so far?
Hunter- Can't complain.
Rodger- Well, prepare for me to ruin it.
Hunter- Are you going to punch my fiance in the face again?
Rodger- No, I'm removing you from that quiz show you host.
Hunter- The Insert Absurdly High Dollar Amount Here Question
Rodger- Yes.
Hunter- Okay.

There is a short pause.

Rodger- Don't you want to know why?
Hunter- No.

There is a short pause.

Rodger- Don't you want to know who I'm replacing you with?
Hunter- Not particularly.

There is a short pause.

Rodger- I'm replacing you with Anthony Severe.

Hunter responds angrily to this.

Hunter- Anthony Severe? Are you kidding me! That conservative asshole?
Rodger- Yep.
Hunter- Why would he make a better host of a quiz show than me?
Rodger- He owns a suit.
Hunter- So do I.
Rodger- A good looking suit.
Hunter- I could own a good looking suit.
Rodger- I sincerely doubt that.
Hunter- I guess you're right.

Hunter goes back to work as Rodger continues to stand in the doorway. There is a short pause.

Rodger- Don't you want to know who his first contestant is.
Hunter- No.
Rodger- I bet you'll like him.
Hunter- I doubt it.
Rodger- It's you.
Hunter- I hear that guy's an asshole.
Rodger- I can't say as I disagree with that assessment.

Rodger leaves Hunter's office as Hunter continues to work. Moments later, Hunter realizes what Rodger just said.

Hunter- Does that mean I have to buy a suit?

END SCENE



The Act Review

The Act is an arcade video game produced by Cecropia in the United States in 2007. The game is a unique interactive cartoon featuring the hand-drawn art of a number of former Disney animators. It was test-marketed in selected locations throughout North America in 2006, and it received generally favorable press coverage. However, the game was canceled in late 2007, and Cecropia shut its doors in early 2008. Prior to closing, Cecropia auctioned off 10 kits of the game on eBay. The kits used were Intel-powered PCs that featured a custom made JAMMA-to-PC I/O board. Other kits that were produced (40 in total) were given to members of Cecropia's staff. Also two dedicated cabinets were sold to the public, these cabinets having been used to location test the game. Most kits ended up in the hands of private collectors while at least one ended up in an arcade in Utah. This arcade is Game Grid.

Game Grid is a small arcade located in a suburban mall. Along with The Act, Game Grid also offers Terminator: Salvation, a light gun rail shooter, The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, an arcade racer based on the movie of the same name, as well as several classic arcade titles. Game Grid is located inside the suburban mall next to a store that sells board games and brain teasers and a store that sells churros.

Why is any of this relevant? Game Grid is located inside Valley Fair Mall in West Valley City, Utah. Valley Fair Mall is approximately five and a half miles from my house. On Monday, September 20th, 2010 I played The Act. On Monday, September 20th, 2010, I beat The Act. On Monday, September 20th, 2010, I played a game that the vast majority of the gaming public has not played, and I beat it. On Monday, September 20th, 2010, I did something that you didn't.

The Act is a fun, challenging, and different gaming experiences, that I have experienced and you haven't. The Act is the kind of game that can get people who strive for unique gaming experiences into the arcades. These arcades include the arcade that I played this game in AND YOU DIDN'T. The Act is the kind of game that should be more of in the gaming world. But, since there isn't, I will continue to be able to taunt you with things that I have done and you have not.



The Act: A+



Quiz Show with Anthony Severe

An overblown light display and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, eventually revealing a man in a really good looking suit, pictures below, sitting on a raised platform on a soundstage.

Anthony- Good evening. I am Anthony Severe, the new host of the 9.0634 Million Dollar Question. We'll bring out our contestant in just a moment, but first a word form our sponsor.

A video is show of the man pictured above saying "I hate you all."

Anthony- Welcome back. Our contestant tonight is an asshole from West Valley City, Utah. Please welcome Hunter Red.

Canned applause is played as Hunter Red walks out to the stage and takes a seat next to Anthony.

Anthony- Mr. Red, it must be a pleasure to be here.
Hunter- It is, although I believe you were mistaken about my occupation.
Anthony- Come again?
Hunter- You said I worked as an asshole.
Anthony- No, I said you were an asshole. The only person who can find work as an asshole is Keith Olbermann.

Genuine laughter is heard.

Anthony- Let's begin the game.

An overblown light display and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, ending up in nothing much changing.

Anthony- Question One: Who is the current career points leader in the National Basketball Association? A: Kareem Abdul Jabbar B: Karl Malone C: Hakeem Olajuwon D: Kobe Bryant

Hunter thinks for a second.

Hunter- The answer is A.
Anthony- No, I'm sorry, the correct response is A, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Hunter- But I said A.
Anthony- No, you said, "A liberal screed where you quoted boisterous lesbian Rachel Maddow." So sorry. Next question.
Hunter- I got that first question-
Anthony- Next question!

An overblown light displayed and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, ending up in nothing much changing.

Anthony- Who won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction in 2010. A: Elizabeth Strout for Olive Kitteridge B: Paul Harding for Tinkers C: Lydia Millet for Life in Infant Monkeys D: Lore Segal for Shakespeare's Kitchen

Hunter thinks for a moment.

Hunter- The answer is B.
Anthony- No, I'm sorry, the answer is B, Paul Harding
Hunter- I said B.
Anthony- No, you said, "Bush is a Nazi. I'd like to tear off his head and shit down his throat."
Hunter- I'd never say anything like that.
Anthony- You are a liberal. Next question!

An overblown light display and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, ending up in nothing much changing.

Anthony- Who is the current Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. A: Tony Blair B: Gordon Brown C: David Cameron D: Eddie Izzard

Hunter thinks for a moment.

Hunter- The answer is C.
Anthony- No, I'm sorry, the answer is C, David Cameron.
Hunter- I just fucking said C.
Anthony- No, what you said was, "Cocksucking is an enjoyable activity, frequented by me, and all other men who support gay rights."
Hunter- Not only is that wrong, it is patently offensive.
Anthony- No it isn't.
Hunter- Yes it is!
Anthony- I am a conservative, I am perpetually right! Next question.

An overblown light display and cheesy, borderline annoying instrumental theme is triggered, ending up in nothing much changing.

Anthony- Which NBA franchise is LeBron James currently signed to? A: Cleveland Cavilers B: New York Knicks C: Utah Jazz D: Miami Heat

Hunter doesn't think over this question, but instead shoots Anthony an absolutely filthy look.

Hunter- I know what answer you want, and I am more than prepared to give it to you.
Anthony- That's what she said.
Hunter- The answer is Democrats are the only party that should have any power in the government. Furthermore, Democrats are the only party that should exist.

Anthony is shocked by this comment.

Anthony- I am shocked and appalled by that comment.

Correction: Anthony is both shocked and appalled by that comment.

Anthony- That is most certainly not the answer. The answer is D, the Miami Heat.
Hunter- But I thought that the response I gave is the response you wanted.
Anthony- Why would I want to hear a liberal and borderline facets screed?
Hunter- That's it.

Hunter pulls out a handgun out of his pocket and points it at Anthony.

Anthony- He's pointing a gun at me!
Hunter- I am exercising my Second Amendment rights.
Anthony- By pointing a gun at me!
Hunter- No, I'm pointing a gun at a point beyond you.
Anthony- What point is that?
Hunter- The monitor sitting directly behind you with a picture of a person I really despise at the moment on it.
Anthony- Who's picture is that?
Hunter- Yours.

Anthony is puzzled by this.

Anthony- So, should I move?
Hunter- Unless you want me to shoot you while I am shooting you.

Anthony gets out of his chair and steps away while Hunter fires his handgun. Hunter hits the monitor, causing the monitor to be destroyed in a manner that includes a spectacular explosion. The explosion receives thunderous applause from the audience. Anthony sits back down in his chair and attempts to bring the program to a close.

Anthony- Well, that's all the time we have for The 9.0634 Million Dollar Question. I am Anthony Severe, remind you that liberalism is like polio. A disease that will soon be eradicated through the dedicated work of scientists- I mean creationists. See you next time.

The light begin to dim on the stage as Anthony Severe runs for his life.

END SCENE