I'm struck with a moral dilemma over a satirical piece that I want to write. I'm hesitating writing it because it might be in bad taste. Normally being in bad taste isn't a deterrent to me, as someone who thinks that The Whitest Kids U'Know is the most goddamn funny sketch comedy group of the last twenty years, but the idea I have crosses a line that I'm not comfortable crossing.
As I have touched on before, Apple has specific language in it's iTunes End User Liscence Agreement forbidding it's users from using it's products for the purpose of terrorism. It's buried deep in the agreement, just pull it up, press Ctrl+F, and search for "biological weapons". Really, it's there. According to reports, the terrorist group ISIS is using iPhones in the production of several of the recent videos that they have released. These videos are clearly used for the purpose of terrorism, which would run in conflict with the iTunes EULA. My idea was to say that Apple, using it's vast sum of riches and influence, was using it's power to take down ISIS in ways that the US and other government are unable to.
Here's the problem: In order to write this piece, I'd have to reference the recent videos showing the beheading of journalists Steven Sotloff and James Foley. I could dance around those videos and not directly reference them, but inevitable someone reading the post would remember the media reports of those beheadings, and make the connection for themselves. Given the nature of the videos, I do not want to have such a connection to my work be made. So, I hesitate in writing the piece in question. Is this what it's like to have a soul? I haven't had one since I sold mine for money to buy some disappointing sponges.
It appears that a another band once popular in the eighties is gearing up for a revival. Styx, known for such hits as Lady, Come Sail Away, and that one song that your friend Jeff won't stop singing at the top of his lungs, is putting together plans for a tour to support a followup to their 2005 release Big Bang Theory. The new album, entitled Master Of Shadows, is expected to piss off fans of Metallica coming this holiday season. There's even been a trailer prepared for the upcoming tour, which is provided below.
There's a classic episode of South Park called "How To Eat With Your Butt". This episode features two characters who suffer from a condition called "torsonic polarity syndrome" or "TPS". The result of this condition is that these two characters appear to have buttocks where their heads should be.
The episode contains many sight and auditory gags that play into the absurd notion of a person having a butt where their heads should be, as well as the common everyday occurrences that might be complicated if a person suffered from such a condition. While I am a big fan of South Park and think about various jokes, references, and statements made throughout the history of the show, I have been thinking about the episode featuring the people who have buttocks where their heads should be most especially in the past week.
Ever since Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker made his debut on the national stage in 2011, I have thought that Governor Walker might also suffer from the condition that the people in "How To Eat With Your Butt" suffer from. I have thought, legitimately, that Scott Walker suffers from torsonic polarity syndrome. I have thought that Scott Walker has buttocks where his head should be. This is a thought that I've had about Scott Walker when I see pictures of him, read stories about his, and even when he makes appearances on television. So, it's no surprise to me that these thoughts about Scott Walker have hit me especially hard as I read this story:
As I've demonstrated before, I'd love to take a vacation but I don't have a good idea as to what to do. I did have an idea recently, but I dismissed it because I didn't think it was a good idea.
Recently Colorado decriminalized small amounts of marijuana for recreational use for people who don't live in the state of Colorado. That means that I could travel to Colorado for the purposes of smoking pot and not be a criminal for doing so. However, I wouldn't want to say that I was going to Colorado for the purposes of smoking pot because, as I've demonstrated before, my family reads my blog. So, I'd have to find a legitimate reason to travel to Colorado so that I can say that I'm doing that thing instead of what I'm actually doing, going there to smoke pot. Perhaps skiing.
Ouch! That comment wasn't from the temperature of the hotspring, I was looking at the rates. $295 a night with a $400 deposit and a $100 cleaning fee for parties over six. Yeah, no. I'm not paying that much to boil in a tub. I could go zipling at Adventures Out West.
Yeah, no. If I'm going to recreate something from an episode of South Park, I'd rather nail a hermaphrodite at the Drunken Barn Dance. I've heard that Denver has a baseball team. Perhaps the Red Sox are playing the Colorado Rockies next year.
After looking over the Rockies schedule for next year, it appears the Red Sox aren't playing the Rockies this year. But hey, I see the Mets are playing the Rockies next year, and John Stewart apparently likes the Mets for reasons that are unexplainable. And tickets are available for these series of games right now. Perhaps I could use going to Denver to see the Colorado Rockies play the New York Mets as a cover for going to Denver to smoke pot. But do I really want to go through all that trouble to smoke pot. I mean, it's just smoking pot. I've been told for years that doing drugs is bad. I'm not even really that motivated to smoke pot.
Okay, now I'm motivated to go to Colorado to smoke pot. Hell, I'm not even tell people that I'm going to Colorado to do something else. I'm going to Colorado to smoke pot... eventually. Once Project Buy A House is over, I'm totally going to go to Colorado to get baked. Thank you Bill O'Reilley. You are a constant source of inspiration to me. And by that I mean I get inspired by Bill O'Reilley to do whatever he says is bad. It's why I got that abortion.
Writing up my blog post should be interesting given the fact that I'm so used to typing things up on a regular keyboard. It's not that I don't like the touch keyboard on the iPad, hell, I like the keyboard on the iPod Touch. I just wish I could type by way of feeling the keyboard, like I do at work. I don't think I've taken my eyes off the keyboard once while I am typing out this thought. At least the speaker on the iPad is really nice. Listening to Amanda Palmer's Ampersand makes me feel oddly at ease while typing out my thoughts.
The Red Interview: Beck Hunter Red is sitting alone on a dimly lit raised platform with two chairs on it with an iPad in his hand. An overblown light display is triggered ending with the spotlight being shown on Hunter Red. Hunter- Good evening and welcome to The Red Interview. I am your host Hunter Red. Without much further ado, let's bring out my guest. Tonight my guest is Beck. A spotlight is shown on the right side of the stage, and Glenn Beck enters it and walks out to the raised platform and fills the other chair on the stage. Hunter Red has a disgusted look on his face as Glenn Beck makes his entrance. Glenn Beck- Hello Hunter. Thanks for having me here tonight. Hunter Red still has a disgusted look on his face. Hunter- Yeah, I'll be back. Hunter Red gets out of his chair and walks off stage carrying his iPad. The camera follows him backstage as he walks up to and begins to talk to the show's producer. Hunter- Chris? Chris- Yes? H- What the hell is he doing here? C- What? H- Glenn Beck is my guest tonight? C- Yes, yes he is. Do you have a problem with that? H- Yes! C- Why, because he's a conservative and you're a bleeding heart liberal? H- No. C- Then what is it? H- I asked you to book Beck. C- Yes, and I did that for you. H- I didn't mean Glenn Beck. C- Yes you did. H- No I didn't! C- You told me, at the start of the new season, I want you to book me Beck. You said that you loved his work and have always wanted to get inside his pants. H- I said I wanted to get inside his head. C- Whatever. H- And by "he" I didn't mean him! C- I don't follow. H- I didn't want you to book Glenn Beck as a guest on The Red Interview, I wanted you to book Beck. C- I DID! H- Not that Beck, the musician Beck. C- I don't follow. Hunter turns on his iPad, finds the embedded video below, and plays it for Chris.
Hunter- This is the Beck I wanted you to book. The musician Beck Hansen. Chris- I'm unfamiliar with this kind of music? Is this the music you listen to when you're high? Hunter gets visibly frustrated. Hunter-Jeff Beck would have been a more fitting choice than Glenn Beck. Chris- Who? Hunter turns off his iPad, rears back, and hits Chris with his iPad. The camera follows Hunter as he walks back to the raised platform and sits back in his chair. Hunter- Well, I'm sorry Mr. Beck, I'm sorry to have wasted your time here today. Glenn- What do you mean? H- I didn't want to book you as a guest, I wanted to book the musician Beck as a guest. G- Jeff Beck? That guy's music is great. I'm looking forward to seeing him on tour with Eric Clapton soon. H- Yeah, so am I. Wanna play with my iPad? G- Sure. Hunter Red hands Glenn Beck his iPad. Hunter- Well, that's all the time we have for The Red Interview for tonight. I am Hunter Red telling my producer Chris that his ass is fired. The overblown light display is triggered. As the overblown light display turn the raised platform from a lighted one to a dimly light one, Glenn Beck is seen darting off the platform with Hunter's iPad in his hand. Hunter runs after Glenn as the scene ends.
END SCENE
Playing With My iPad's Keyboard
So I bought a keyboard for my iPad and am liking this setup much better than using the touch keyboard. I could see myself quickly typing something, like a blog post, up by quickly turning on my iPad, hooking up the keyboard, and typing away. I don't like how I have to take my iPad out of the case I bought when I bought my new toy to use this keyboard, but that can be addressed by buying another, and probably, better case. Yes, I'm spending money like it's falling from the sky, which is apropos because it's raining right now.
John Mayer In Concert
This summer, a modern day guitar marvel is coming to a town near you. This summer, a sultry ladies man is coming to a town near you. This summer John Mayer is coming to a town near you. John Mayer in concert. John Mayer's 2010 Summer Tour is brought to you by Touche brand douche products. When you want the best douche in the world, think only of Touche.
Pages on iPad I bought this app on iTunes that I fooled around with in the Apple Store. It's called Pages and it's supposed to be like a real word processor. It works pretty good. I mean it's no Word but it's something. At the very least I can actually see how long my blog post will be now.
I just found out I can add pictures and graphs easily to this document. Now I can share my porn and how much I spend on porn with you! YAY!!!
Consistent Inconsistency Like many of you, I was offended by Comedy Central's action's regarding South Park's Episode 201. My offense is not driven by me thinking the Muslim prophet Muhammad is worthy of ridicule, my offense is driven by the inconsistent actions of Comedy Central. If South Park is not allowed to show Muhammad in a less than positive light, why are they allowed to show a Hindu god doing cocaine? If South Park is not allowed to do things that offend followers of a religion on a basic level, why was South Park allowed to criticize the translation of The Book of Mormon? If South Park is not allowed to depict situations despite threats from religions of repercussions from depicting those things, why was South Park allowed to depict Stan Marsh as the leader of the Church Of Scientology? If Comedy Central allows South Park to depict other religions in ways that those religions might find offensive, why draw the line at the Muslim faith? And don't just say it's because they are afraid that Muslims will blow up Comedy Central and South Park Studios. That is petty, stupid, and quite racist. I learned that lesson when I sounded off about Media Molecule altering Little Big Planet just before it was released.
Take your normal superhero origin story. Guy gets powers, guy realizes he has powers, guy goes out to save the world. Now factor this in: the guy has a score to settle.
Everybody wonders what it is that makes them who they are. The Hawk thought that question was securely answered. However a meeting with a boy in a hospital causes him to question everything. Why he is, who he is, what he is, and even if he is.
Eleven years after the events of Consequences Of Mayorust, The Hawk finds himself dealing with many of the same issues that many of us deal with: A less than satisfying job, co-workers of variant annoyance, and a romantic life is unhealthy at best. Thrust into all this is Madison Medina, a well meaning woman who's adversarial relationship with The Hawk morphs into a kind of friendship. Madison, in addition to learning more about herself and her abilities, help to reveal deeper problems inside the organization both she and The Hawk work for.
In every workplace there is a person. A person who doesn't talk to anyone, has walled themselves socially, and seems openly hostile to everyone. Every workplace has this person, even if you don't know of such a person, they're there. The Black Robin Christmas Carol is the story of one of these people. It delves into who this person is, why this person is, and how this person can change for the better.
There is a story. A story of pain, a story of loss, a story of unspeakable horrors, a story that has not been given it's proper attention. Some are ignoring this story. Some are unaware of this story. Some know of this story but are complicit in it's darkness. This is a story that must be told. Told so that the good can stop it and the bad can feel shame for it.
When I thought up thig blog, the name I first thought up was "Random Bullshit". Quickly I recognized that this name would put some people off. Then I thought of the name "Random Bull****". That seemed to be to much clutter. Then I was inspired with the name that dons this blog today.
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